5 Movie Characters Who Emcapsulate My Strange Personality

If you thought that I would pick some tearjerker movie or chic-flick like The Notebook, A Walk in the Clouds, or What Dreams May Come, you’re sadly mistaken.

Although, all of those are movies that have made me cry, you rat-bastard directors…

But, I love some blood, gore, and Sci-Fi too.

Predator and Terminator…You might be impressed by the number of lines that I can quote. Believe it or not, I can make a mean Arnold impression.

Die Hard…Yup, I am in the club that proclaims it “ a Christmas movie.”

However, it’s the genre of humor that tugs at my heart.

Why? Because:

1. There is nothing sexier than laughter;

2. Life is too short to be serious all of the time; and

3. Who doesn’t love endorphins?

As a result, I have absolute respect for the movies that make me laugh so hard that I almost pee myself or gasping for air.

Today, I’m paying those movies tribute.

P.S. I’m confident that I can quote about 80% of these movies.

Spaceballs

I think I’m 55% Dark Helmet, 33% Princess Vespa, 10% Lone Star and 2% Pizza the Hut.

* Dark Helmet is tiny-but mighty (plus Rick Moranis is amazing)

* Princess Vespa, because if you fuck with my hair, I’ll go on a rampage.

* Lone Star: I have a heart and always looking for belonging.

* Pizza the Hut is self-explanatory: I’m a chubby girl who loves pizza.

Evil will always triumph because good is dumb. — Dark Helmet

The Big Lewbowski

Jeff Lewbowski (aka “The Dude”) is everything that I want to be when I retire:

* I want to stride into my local grocery in a bathrobe and wearing jellies

* Bowling is a quasi-religion

* I genuinely do want to find a rug that “ties the room together.”

* White Russians are yummy

In fact, if you can call me “The Dudette,” that would be the epitome of my existence.

“The Dude abides.” — The Dude

Peter Gibbons - Office Space

Who cannot relate to this guy? At my day job, I often think about Mr. Gibbons.

Is it possible to be hypnotized to believe that I’ve been out fishing all day?

This shared printer is about to get fucked up…(*playing The Resurrection in my head as I imagine smashing it*)

In the beginning, Peter was the schmuck we pitied (but can secretly relate to), but he becomes our hero in the end.

Frau Farbissina - Austin Powers

The only reason why I am adding Fraulein is that I yell at my husband like this…

Take out za TRASH!

Go get za MAIL!

Pour za WINE!

Send in za WALMART DELIVERY!

In fact, I’d say Frau Farbissina, I’z my SPIRIT ANIMAL!

Tallahassee - Zombieland

If we can change Hostess’s Twinkies out for Little Debbie’s Zebra Cakes — and my vagina for Woody Harrelson’s penis — then he’s the yin to my yang.

I 100% see myself chainsawing zombies, beating in skulls, and tossing a chainsaw into a mob of anti-dead bitches just to lay claim over a Little Debbie’s (or Hostess) truck.

Plus, f*ck Snowballs. Zebra Cakes rule! 🤘

Honorable Mentions

Angelica — Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Let’s ignore the fact that I am Penelope Cruz’s complete opposite. My skin is borderline translucent, I have a southern accent instead of a sultry Spanish one, and I’m a ginger.

However — if you read my bio — I’m a sailor, so I can somehow relate to Angelica!…and we both like rum…

Beatrix Kiddo — Kill Bill

She’s a killer with a code of conduct. Not to mention, if you piss her off and on her list of baddies, then I have no pity for you. Bea may channel me if someone steals my lunch at work or I haven’t had my coffee.

Princess Merida — Brave

Merida is a Scottish redhead, a rebel, with a heart of gold. Check, check, and check! We share the same lineage, rock the independent woman status, and like shooting arrows at sh*t.

What movie characters are you most like? Tell us in the comments!