Snack Verse Dimension 6

Snack Verse Dimension 6

By TJ Dever

Ch 1. The Snack Verse Dimension 6 Games

The arena darkened as a spotlight the size of a small asteroid lit up the black onyx stage like frosted, steel blades clashing under a full moon. The beacon started from the left side of the stage and swept across, leaving a shimmering wake, until it stopped in the center, next to a lone microphone stand that had been set up pre-show.

High Imperial Stadium suddenly filled with a blazing guitar solo as the treble thundered out from the megawatt speakers and amps that lined the arena’s rafters. “Welcome to the jungle, we’ve got fun and games. We got everything you want honey, we know the names,” blared throughout the arena at nine/eighths volume and still couldn’t overcome the frenzy of chants and cheers of the hundreds of thousands at the capitol’s arena on the planet Larnok. The host of this year’s games.

Before the human band of Guns N’ Roses could get to the, “she-nananana please,” at the end of the first chorus, the noise level had reached a stadium record of one hundred and eleven decibel‘s, seemingly getting louder with every second that passed while they waited for the host.

Garflax huddled below the stage and wondered aloud how long this was going to take? “Superstar to base, what’s the status on the uplink? I’ve been in this cramped tube for like twenty minutes waiting to holopear.”

“Our last planet just synched for the live feed,” Garflax heard in her earpiece. “Of course, it was the Plutonian’s who we were waiting on. Break a Flarg out there. They are primed and ready. You are live in 3…2…1.”

The holotube crackled with electricity and Garflax smiled as her particles reconfigured and were phased through the bottom of the stage at an astounding twelve parsecs per microsecond.

Garflax arrived on the phasing platform instantly and greeted the hundreds of thousands out in the audience and sextillions tuning in with a graceful bow using all six arms. Slithering over to the nearby microphone, the sludgy stains on her tux seemed to shine like green Vaseline on every spot where tentacle met purple velvet in the spotlight. This was the opportunity of a lifetime and Garflax the Boastful would make her parents proud tonight.

Reaching for the microphone, she really leaned into it and screamed out like the famous human Billy Idol in honor of their human guest tonight, “Earthlings and monsters, Jupitens and Mercuritians, Larnoks and Plutonians, and all the others here tonight and gathered in front of your holo-spheres and televisions across the galaxy. Welcome to the 20th Annual: Snack Verse Dimension 6 Games!”

Garflax had to waive all six tentacles to get the crowd to quiet after receiving word from her producer nearly a minute later. “That’s enough all you Snack Versers. Settle it down and I’ll tell you what’s at stake this year. Our champion has already received 20,000 smackeroos for his high score but with a win today he also gets to sign his name in our Dimension 6 little black book along with only two other galaxy gamers that have signed in our illustrious, five hundred year history. You all remember Groanak the Sweet Tooth, who freed the cakes and pies. And who can forget Frant the Chip Breaker who saved the Planet Chocolate for ten generations of Snack Verse combat?”

Garflax had to wait for the applause to die once again.

“On offense, will the human pick the sky fleet from the Planet Chocolate or the legionnaires and warriors from the Planet Chips? Maybe even choose the spy breakers of Planet Cracker? And just as importantly, who will he face to go up against in interplanetary defense. Let’s quit talking about it and just ask him. May I get Bud Sawyer up here on stage?”

Ch 2. Planet Chocolate

Holo-screens activate throughout planet causing worldwide PANIC-

“All fleet personnel report to your airships.”

General Hershey enters central command in a hurry - “Get me in touch with the President.”

President Reese smoothly picks up holo-vid- “This is President Reese. What’s the intel? Is he going to pick us? We have already been through one battle in the quarterfinals. Our fleet is down thirty percent and General Kit Kat has lost twenty percent of her plankers.”

General Hershey sighs- “I’m not sure what he will do but seems like a good guy. I suggest we still err on the side of caution though and set phasers to melt. You will know something when I do. Hershey out!”

Ch 3. Planet Chips

Battle horn sounding throughout planet causing worldwide PANIC-

“All citizens report for duty.”

King Chester Nacho exits the tent and speaks to his Queen- “Are our troops assembled?”

Queen Lays-Nacho takes husbands arm and walks with husband to address his troops- “Yes, my highness, they await your command. We should know in a matter of moments if we go to war again.”

King Nacho turns to face his gathered troops and smiles. Not as much were now present as their first battle but still thousands strong and ready. “Doritos Legionnaires!!!”

Doritos Legionnaires reply in unison- “COOL AND SPICY”

King Nacho shouts out again- “Cheetos Legionnaires!”-

Cheetos Legionnaires chant loudly- “Chester! Chester!”

King Nacho has final words before the battle- “Lays, To-s, Ruffles, Pringles…All the families of the kingdom. It is time to unite for our families and friends and our land. Today is a great day to die…AND AN EVEN BETTER ONE TO LIVE!”

Ch 4. Planet Crackers

Alarms sounding throughout university causing PANIC-

“It’s time students. All third, fourth, and fifth years report to cafeteria. First and second years go home to your families.”

Professor Pepper Jack looks out to gathered one hundred and fifty two students in cafeteria and speaks- “I know that you are all ready and I hope that we can go about our day tomorrow like usual but in a few minutes we will know if that is possible. Are there any questions about what is about to happen?

Ritz Bitz raises hand and speaks- “Are you sure that we will be able to change back? I really don’t want to be a mini kit-kat for the rest of my life?”

Professor Pepperjack answers honestly- “We have studied the transformation process and magic only for a short time, but we think it will work. I wish I had more or an answer but if we fail there may not be another chance to try again. Prepare your spells for transformation and travel for whomever we may face.”

Students leave and Professor Pepperjack hears Headmaster Peanut Butter arrive and ask- “Do you think that we can trust this Bud Sawyer?

Professor Pepperjack- “More importantly, do you think Bud Sawyer trusts us?”

Ch. 5. Bud Sawyer the RPG’ER

Bud heard his name from the announcer that looked like Slimer, but with six arms and a pimpin’ tux, and could not believe this was happening. Two days ago, he had entered the Snack Verse Challenge through VNES and after a marathon sixteen-hour gaming session, he had ended up beating the game high score for the year. Apparently, being December 31st, this meant something.

Bud had not ever considered himself a gamer but had seemed to be drawn to Snack Verse Dimension 6 when it had first come out twenty years ago and he was twelve. Maybe it was his love of role-playing games as a kid and maybe it was because he was always a big guy or a healthy, food lover as his mom used to say.

Although he had not told anybody, Nirvana’s, “Smells like Teen Spirit,” blared through the arena and he wondered if they had some sort of brain tracker on him? This would be the ring entrance song that he played if he ever were involved in more than a third-grade spelling bee.

It took more than five minutes to get to the front of the arena from the back. Mostly because of the distance and not his lack of exercise. Bud reached the glittering stage and paused to catch his breath for a split second before an unexpected wave of pressurized air blasted him upwards a good fifteen feet and landed him on the stage next to his host.

In front of him stood Garflax, and behind the host were three giant screens with three different worlds that spun nonstop. Albeit slowly. Although about a million times bigger than his computer screen, he immediately knew the shapes of Planet Chocolate, Planet Chips, and Planet Cracker.

Trying his best to stop the huffs from the long walk, and the temporary panic of the air ride, Bud took a deep breath and said to the host, “I choose the Planet Cracker for the finals.”

Ch.6 Garflax the SURPRISED.

Garflax could not believe her good fortune. The human had picked the weakest race and surely, he would not win. Ratings were always highest when there was a sacrifice involved. The crowd had picked up on the underdog status and the bets must be raging out of control right now. Another great for ratings event.

“Very wise,” Garflax praised. “You play very well with them I hear. Everyone out there is dying to know…who will Planet Cracker go up against in the finals?”

Bud had been playing the game for twenty years and all had been cool up until two nights ago. A couple hours a night for something you loved had never hurt anyone. Lately, he had been playing Planet Cracker for the first time in years and it seemed to be working.

After starting the Snack verse Tournament challenge things started to get weird. After his first match, his computer system seemed to win the second for him easily. He never had to touch his mouse and in fact the keyboard seemed to be locked out too. Followed by the third and fourth. Apparently, the final match had to be won on his own for some reason.

A voice had told him through his computer speaker before the finals began that things were about to happen. In case of a win, he needed to be ready…And then he won.

And then they happened!

He had already seen the twenty g’s in his online banking statement so as far as he was concerned, he couldn’t lose. “Garflax, I choose to call out first law and would like to challenge Snack Verse Law. We and I, as an ambassador to Planet Crackers, challenge Planet Chocolate and Planet Chips to get Planet Cracker out of the Games forever.”

Ch. 7 Garflax the Truther

Garflax once again could not believe the best fortune. She was going to win a Slurmage for this broadcast. This human had no idea. “Zoom in on his face,” she whispered. “In a surprising turn of events, Bud Sawyer has chosen to evoke First Law Snackverse 6 Bi-Law and has chosen to free Planet Cracker and put his own planet, Earth as placeholder for the games. If Planet Cracker fails, Earth will also be toiled for…”

“Um Garflax,” Bud muttered. Speaking louder he asked, “What did you say about Earth? That wasn’t part of the deal?”

Garflax looked at the now pitiful human. “Once proclaiming First Law, Snackverse 6 Bi Law, your Earth’s fate is sealed with the fate of Planet Cracker. If you lose, both will be doomed. Earthlings that are watching have gone from pride to sudden panic at your most recent actions. What do you have to say to your fellow earthlings?”

Bud looked directly to the camera and waved for it to zoom in. All the way in to catch every word.

“Earthlings and Crackerians, Mom and Dad and the fam and all of those watching out there…Why don’t you give Mr. TJ Dever the grand prize and he can tell you the rest?”

The END

Catch the exciting conclusion on my vocal page. Coming soon