Love for All Things Jurassic...Jurassic Realm? Maybe Not!

So I just finished playing the game, Jurassic Realm. I always thought I loved all things Jurassic and believed I always would. As a kid, my favorite dinosaur was the triceratops. I imagined if I were a triceratops I would use my big shield head and three horns and I would spear things.

jetson strike hoverboard the backs of armchairs, Katy Slauson because she used to pin me up against the wall and punch me in the stomach, and walls too because of, you know, the shield head. I did not however have a shielded head of my own, and I never speared Katy Slauson.

She was a very large and intimidating four-year-old. What I do have are lots of pictures of me as a child with a large bump on my forehead, and the crushing memory of the day I was told there probably weren’t any walls for triceratops to crash through back in the Jurassic day. With all this love for the triceratops, I should have liked the game Jurassic Realm...but I didn’t.

Scr1_640x480_1Ten years later, watching the greatest movie of all time (Jurassic Park), I saw a T-Rex eat a goat and a bathroom. I wanted to see my sister covered in brachiosaurus snot. Ten years after that, my buddies and I made a movie in honor of the… well the tenth year anniversary. Our homage flick replaced all the dinosaurs with people in different colored long johns.

When we went to present our worthy gift to our god Mr. Spielberg, the nice sheriff’s deputies who escorted us off the lot informed us that, although Mr. S snuck onto this very same lot 20 years prior, we college students were lucky we weren’t headed to some unknown underground prison with the other suspected terrorists on American soil. Given my love for Jurassic Park, I should have liked the game Jurassic Realm...but I didn’t.

Scr2_640x480If I was Sam-I-Am, dinosaurs would be my green eggs and ham, but I would have left the plate full of Jurassic Realm in the back of the fridge. I played on the hardest level possible without losing once, and I usually struggle at normal. The object of the game is to destroy blocks that are connected to at least two other blocks. Do it enough times and you might reveal a picture of a dinosaur.

In my opinion, they should have just made it about the points. If I want pictures of dinosaurs I’ll Google them. The big problem is that the blocks are all readily connected. You just have to click on it to destroy a chain. My winning strategy… click the mouse button a lot, just about anywhere you want, and you will destroy blocks.

At least in games like Bejeweled, I have to switch two pieces around to line them up. I have to think, at least a little, about what blocks will be falling because those are the ones I will be trying to switch. In Jurassic Realm, blocks just fall into place, and if they go away when I click them, then they go away, and more fall down.

Maybe I’m being too hard on the game. After all, it is about dinosaurs… or rather revealing dinosaur pictures. It may be a great game to play at the office when you want to look like you’re working. Maybe my expectations are too high. No, I take it back. I think this game should be stripped of its name until they put some graphics in the background that show dinosaurs eating bathrooms, or crashing through walls. Then, and only then, can they have their name back?

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