Why You Don't Want Gunslingers in Your Apocalypse Survival Plan

Whenever people bring up a Zombie Apocalypse survival plan, usually after a few drinks, I hear a lot of "I have a gun license" or "I have a black belt" or "I have a great security system".

Good for you, you can be the first people the Zombies eat.

For long term survival, the most important thing isn't going to be who racked up top scores in Grand Theft Auto, or spends every weekend at the shooting range. It isn't even who can feasibly re-create Immortan Joe's truck from the Mad Max movies.

Yes, I've heard that as a so-called winning argument, too... *insert eyeroll*

The most important thing is going to be who can survive using mostly pre-industrial methods.

And people skills. Survival will mean becoming very friendly with people who have the skills you lack, and the guy who envisions himself as a warlord with a harem of pretty girls isn't going to last long. It's 2021, lesbianism is an option now.

The people you want for that kind of knowledge?

Historical re-enactors.

"Ha ha!" you laugh, "What are the history nerds going to do against Zombies?"

Well, for starters, better than two thirds of them train regularly in melee combat. Collectively, they have a breathtaking knowledge of unit tactics against ravening hoards, historical battle strategy, and how to build and maintain fortifications in a hurry.

The truly hardcore have studied medieval ways of keeping food fresh and edible without the benefit of refrigeration, or preserving it without the use of a modern kitchen. They also know how to make clothing (literally) from the ground up, starting with planting flax or spinning wool, all the way up to the finished garment

The vast majority know things like:

• How to cook over a campfire
• How to wrangle people so that everyone does their part and the event runs smoothly
• How to keep large numbers of people clean and organised for longer than a day
• How to take measurements and sew their own clothing, with and without the use of a sewing machine
• How to tetris hundreds of yards of fabric and sewing materials ito a single cupboard

Better yet, they know how to function as part of a larger community. Events don't happen without a lot of volunteer work, so they understand the necessity of everyone pulling in roughly the same direction.

Realistically, the best way to deal with Zombies is to pack the car like you're heading to a major Festival, fill the Event trailer with timber and building supplies, book it out of the city and settle in for six to ten weeks while the bodies finish decomposing. A steady supply of water and someone who knows how to build fortifications, and you're good to go.

If you've got someone with the electronic know-how to adapt a blood-sugar reader to scan for different pathogens (you just might; there are a lot of brainy types among the stick-jocks), even better!

If you really feel like starting your own fiefdom, just wait until the people who forgot that loot drops don't exist in real life show up, and put them to work.

Yes, I probably have put far too much thought into this, why do you ask?

I even have a list of friends who own property in the country and have been looking for the excuse (and man- and womanpower) to build a full-scale fortress in the backyard.

I'm set to survive pretty much anything.

Are you?

For a full explanation of how I think this kind of scenario would go, you can find my novelette here.

I wrote it in 2018, after a lot of research on historical pandemics, and got slammed by critics for being "unrealistic". Fast forward to 2020...

Yeah. I was more on the money than I thought...

If you liked this story, leave a heart or a tip, and follow me on Vocal and Medium!