Was Marilyn Monroe Asexual?

There are not many asexual icons out there. At least, not many that I have come across. There are characters like Todd in Bojack Horesman that are out and proud, and the characters like Jessica Rabbit, that people like to imagine may be ace, but in terms of real life people, the ace community doesn't really have many icons to look up to. There are a few here and there, but no big names come to mind immediately. That recently changed for me, all thanks to a message from a friend on facebook.

A close friend of mine sent me a picture through facebook recently with the comment "Have you seen this?" It was a section of text from the diary of Marilyn Monroe. Now, I have as much respect for the bombshell icon as the next person, but I was confused as to why they though it would be of interest to me. So I read it, and boy, when I tell you my mind was blown...

The screenshot turned out to be one of many, detailing Marilyn's feelings towards sex, or should I say lack of feelings towards sex. The words in the text were full of very familiar emotions and sentimentality. You see, I am asexual, and a lot of what she was saying in the passages were things I had felt myself, and struggled with early on in my life before discovering the asexual identity. I quickly found the post that the screenshots came from, and learned it was from a semi viral tweet from the user Sarah McGonagall. The post detailed, not only Marilyn's apparent lack of interest in sex, but also her romantic attraction to other woman. It had my attention. Although the words seemed to be from Marilyn herself, I decided to do a little more digging to see how accurate this might be. In our current day and age, you can't always go off of one post on twitter for your information. But I was plesently surprised.

As I went deeper into my research, it became more and more apparent that, although Marilyn had sex with both men and women throughout her lifetime, she always had a rather complicated relationship with sex. The feeling of sexual inadequacy was something she brought up with her therapist on multiple occasions. Now before you say "But how can she be asexual if she had sex?" I think now might be a good time for a refresher on what asexuality is.

Like a lot of identities and sexualities in the LGBT community, asexuality exists on a spectrum. There are asexual people who are okay having sex, and asexual people who are repulsed by sex. There are asexual people who experience romantic attraction and asexual people who don't (aromanitcs). A lot of asexual people have had sex before, whether they did so via experimentation, a comitted relationship, or even before they knew their feelings could be labled or named. At the end of the day, asexuality is simply the lack of sexual attraction to anyone.

Considering the time period she lived in, it would come as no suprise to me that she would struggle with this. I myself had a hard time figuring out exacly what was "wrong" with me until I first learned of asexuality. But to balance those feelings with the pressure of being known globally as a sex icon, must have been confusing as hell, and it more than likely played a part in damaging her mental state.

From my research, it would seem she spoke with her psychologist about many of her concerns, fearing she was "broken" or "frigid" because of her lack of interest in sex, to which they unfortunately agreed. Thankfully, with the growing awareness of asexuality as a legitimate sexuality instead of a mental dissorder, this is something that can be more helpfully addressed in the present day. But, as it was not really common knowledge back then, Monroe turned to the possibility that she could be a lesbian. To quote Sarah McGonagall's Tweet, "I did some digging and it turns out letters from her acting coach, Natasha Lytess, were discovered which detailed the 7 years where she and Marilyn lived as “husband and wife” - yes, including sexually. They were so close that Marilyn would hold her hand while shooting close-ups!"

Overall, she seemed to have many of the same problems with women that she had with men, sexually. While I can't speak on her attraction, based on what I have read, it seems she romantically cared for both her male and female partners, and craved their love and affection in return. I personally believe she was bi-romantic in an age where that wasn't really known to be an option, if it was an option at all (sociatally at least).

We may never know for sure how Marilyn would have identified herself if she had access to the knowledge and lable options we have today, but she definitley left behind clues for us. And as tragic as her story ended up being, I know I will look up to her. She struggled with a lot that I hope our current and future LGBT+ will never have to. And as much as her story can be inspirational, it also serves as a warning to listen to those who are struggling. Lables aren't everything, but for many, they definitely help. I hope we continue to learn and grow as our knowledge of identities and sexualities change.