Who Am I?

It’s dark….

I can’t see shit.

I knew it was a bad idea to go out for a hike when it was so close to sunset. I didn’t think I’d stumble off trail. Since when was there a boulder in the middle of the trail anyway? How did it even get there?

That’s beyond my concern now. I should have turned back. I should’ve took it as a sign from the universe to go back home. But it was something about the tree in the distant to the left path that called to me.

Like it was pulling me in. A bunch of bullshit, that’s what it was. Nothing but a bunch of none sense scratches. Like a child was trying to figure out their math homework but forgot to bring extra scratch paper.

“369”

“1+2+4+5+7+8= 27

2+7=9”

“1+2+3+4+5+6+7+8= 36

3+6=9”

“1+2+3+4+5+6+7+8+9= 45

4+5=9”

Poor kid must really be going through it. This is exactly why I always hated math.

After observing the rest of the tree for more equations, I noticed a weird shape carved on the opposite side. It was carved to look as though it had 12 sides, each side shaped like a pentagon.

Must have been geometry homework I guess. They probably ran out of scratch paper. Geometry was the worse. So much work. So much none sense. Just like that tree.

That’s the reason I’m out here so late struggling to get back to the main trail in this darkness.

What if I end up stuck out here all night? What if I die out here tonight? What if there is a killer? Or a bear? Or a-

That’s when I heard it.

“Hoooo hoooo”

Ahh, the owls are out already! I’ve seen pictures of their creepy legs! What if a gigantic one swoops down and claws me up? Then I’ll never been seen again!

Stay calm. We don’t have time for this none sense. We have to find the way to the main trail.

I looked up at the sky to collect my breath and calm my mind.

The moon was so beautiful. It felt as though it was a guardian watching over me. I’m not one to be super big on the afterlife, god and heaven or hell. But I bet this is what that must feel like. It’s like her soft bright like shone down to show me what I needed to see. Unlike the sun, it shines down on everything all at once. It’s so hard to focus when the sun is out.

What was I saying? I have to focus and get back home. I have work in the morning.

When did I sit down? I don’t even remember feeling the cool embrace of the grass on my bum and feet or my fingers digging into the dirt.

What is going on? We have to go now. Get up body.

But it wouldn’t listen. Why isn’t my body responding?

“Hoooo hoooo”

“Who am I?” I heard myself whisper to the moon.

Who am I? I’m Jojo! I’m work at an insurance company and I have to be in bed by 10pm to wake up 5am to get my morning meditation in or everything will be off track tomorrow.

“Hoooo hoooo”

“Who am I?” I whispered again.

What is going on? Why am I laying back now? I don’t understand why I can’t control my movements.

I’ve been panicking so much I didn’t even realize my eyes are still locked on the moon. It was only when I saw a barn owl soar right across it, did I realize my eyes were still looking in the same spot.

Oh great, I’m going to get taken by an owl.

“Hoooo hoooo”

“Who am I?!” I scream out.

I’m a mess. That’s what I am. I’m so concerned about tomorrow when I have death staring me right in the face.

“Hoooo hoooo”

Any minute now that long legged flying freak will come down and tear me to shreds. Nobody will find me. Nobody will know. Yet here I am, my body isn’t even responding and I’m thinking of how I am going to get fired. My body isn’t responding and I’m still trying to mentally map out where the main trail will be.

“Who who” I said to myself.

Even though I can’t move, my body is relaxed.

Wow, I’ve never noticed how many stars are in the sky. The moon is sending me midnight kisses and I’ve been neglecting them all along.

Who am I? What is wrong with me?

Has the night sky always been this colorful? I always thought it was a shade of navy blue. But I see the white and yellow stars. Soft waves of purples and deep greens.

I take a deep breath in and absorb their lights.

Who am I?

“Hooo hooo”

I closed my eyes and let the soft winds through the leaves put me in a trance.

Who I am? Will I ever truly know what is happening to me right now? Why I am completely surrendering to I don’t even know what?

Just embrace. Just take me. Make me you.

I try so hard to connect to something more in my meditation, but it never seems to work. I listen to affirmations but I still feel like shit. Why is it now that you come to me in the most obscene way to show me what I’ve been so willingly open to seeing every morning?

Why do you bring me these lessons tonight?

I take another breath in.

I am breathing the same way I do when I meditate but something feels different. I exhale and open my eyes.

“Hooo hooo”

I am soaring over my body across the moon. I see myself staring up. I see the panic in my eyes then a sudden realization.

“Who am I?!” I hear myself scream.

I don’t know my friend. But we are about to find out.