When the mountain lion must speak for the human who cannot speak for himself

“It is a tragedy when any Republic of Calafia citizen - bear, bobcat, cat, coyote, dog, mountain lion, or wolf - loses their life to a human,” P-22 said. The famous resident Griffith Park mountain lion addressed the House of Mountain Lion, a part of the Republic of Calafia Congress, where he served as an elected official. A prosperous multi-species animal republic, the Republic of Calafia overlapped with the State of California (though humans remained unaware). P-22 felt nervous as he started his speech. He realized what he was about to say might not be well received. “But we are an advanced democratic republic. And we should not allow our emotions to cloud our judgment. Today, I must vote against this measure.”

Other mountain lions in the chamber grumbled. Bears, bobcats, cats, coyotes, dogs, and wolves had already voted unanimously to kill the human in their own elected bodies. Given that the human had killed the mountain lion, they expected the mountain lions to vote the same way. The other species had voted this way to show support for their mountain lion brethren. They had assumed no mountain lion would dissent.

The Republic of Calafia forbid the murder of humans. And the republic strictly enforced the law. In 1972, humans in California had made it illegal to hunt mountain lions. Mountain lions then enacted a law that made it illegal to hunt humans. It had been a controversial law. But the mountain lions who had proposed the law argued that if mountain lions continued to hunt humans, humans would bring back legal mountain lion hunting. These mountain lions felt that this was the only way to keep the ban in place. History proved them right. Humans made the law against murdering mountain lions permanent. And the other animals of California adopted this law for their own species.

But what if a human broke their own law? When a human murdered an animal, the law could be superseded. If two-thirds of the house representing whichever animal species had been murdered voted in favor, the Republic of Calafia could legally kill the human. The President then dispatched the elite Dane’s Squad to find and kill the human. The Dane’s Squad was the brainchild of Rex Reagan, a Blenheim Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and Presidential First Dog, who had once served in the House of Dog. He argued that measures had to be taken to protect animals from predatory humans. Moreover, special forces had to be trained to track down the most dangerous predators of animals, humans. Regular military operations did not suffice for protection. The Dane’s Squad proved a great success. Humans who made the mistake of coming to California to hunt wild animals in violation of the law tended to disappear if they remained in the state too long. The animals needed to protect their citizens from humans. The Dane’s Squad did just that. The highly trained elites of that group knew how to remove predators.

Here, P-22 argued in defense of a human who faced near certain execution at the hands of the animals. This human had killed a mountain lion. Both were out hunting (and not for each other) when they had crossed paths. The human hunter had disguised himself as a large rabbit. Mistaking him for a perfect dinner, the mountain lion leaped on the human who cried out in pure terror. Realizing his mistake, the mountain lion pulled back. He then apologized and reached out his paw to comfort the human. But the human did not understand. Terrified, he fired his gun, killing the mountain lion instantly. He then fainted. He awoke a few hours later and sobbed over the dead mountain lion.

The tragic killing of the mountain lion traumatized most animals in California. The murder served as a reminder. Even the most innocent could lose their life in a mere moment to a human. But the grief, sorrow, and angst soon turned to pure anger. Humans declined to prosecute the human for murder. This decision outraged the animals. The humans refused to enforce their own law. A human had murdered a mountain lion and would not see one day behind bars. Animals demanded their government take action. If the humans would not act, animals needed to remove the predator themselves. Justice required it.

“Today, I must speak for the human who cannot speak for himself,” P-22 said. “Humans are an unusual species, possessed with great intelligence, but unable to speak our language. They build great machines and beautiful architectural structures.” P-22 loved the sparkling skyline of downtown Los Angeles. Griffith Park provided the finest views of the entire city. “They create sublime music and spectacular fireworks shows that light up the night sky.” P-22 loved his concerts at the Hollywood Bowl and the Greek Theatre. He had a private box at both theaters. He and his boyfriend, an uncollared mountain lion who lived in Benedict Canyon, had their first date at a Hollywood Bowl concert. “Yet they are violent, craven, and heartless. In many places, they are bloodthirsty barbarians who kill us for sport. But in California, the humans are advanced. They revere us mountain lions and have made it illegal to hunt us since 1972. When the fate of mountain lions was decided at the ballot box, humans voted to protect us. Twice.”

P-22 swallowed. While he could take an unpopular stand, he could not show callousness. He could not ignore the horrifying tragedy that had taken place. Or dismiss the pain that animals felt about the loss of an innocent mountain lion. If he did so, he would persuade no one to spare the human. He would only persuade his colleagues to not like him.

“Let us remember the fun-loving cougar who filled the lives of so many with joy and love. Let us not forget his kittens, who have been deprived of a father. I feel their pain and their sorrow. Let us not forget our own trauma. We are reminded of the brevity and fragility of our own precious lives.” P-22 swallowed once more. “But let us not forget the human.”

“SIT DOWN HENRIK!” One veteran mountain lion councilor hissed.

P-22 recognized the insult. His birth name was Henrik the Mountain Lion. But P-22 enjoyed his human-created name. It gave him a sense of cultural independence. Only his mom and boyfriend still called him “Henrik”. If a Councilor wanted to show disdain, he’d refuse to call him by his chosen name of “P-22”.

P-22 ignored the heckler. “There is no due process for a human for whom we take out a depredation permit. He does not get to appear before us. He has no legal counsel provided. No right to plea. No right to a jury trial. No opportunity to tell his side of the story. Or not tell one at all. There is no burden of proof placed upon the prosecution, just a vote by us elected mountain lions who are beholden only to our voters.”

“HUMAN LOVER!” Another veteran councilor hissed.

“The evidence persuades me this was a horribly tragic accident, but an accident, nevertheless. The human did not hunt with the intent to kill a mountain lion. The human suffered a panic attack. He could not understand what our poor fallen brother said to him. Had this human intended to murder a mountain lion, he would not have waited to fire his weapon, fainted after firing his gun, cried over the death, called the authorities, and admitted he had killed the mountain lion. None of these acts are consistent with the actions of a true predator. If the human had intended to murder the mountain lion, he would have fled and attempted to conceal his crime.”

“YOU DON’T GET IT!” Yet another Councilor hissed. “YOU DON’T LIVE WITH HUMAN HUNTERS! YOU DON’T KNOW LOSS!”

P-22 grimaced. The Councilor reminded him of his own painful loss. His older brother, P-15, had been murdered by a human. And while he knew justice had been served, it would never bring back his fond memories of his older brother. Instead, it just brought back the feelings of pain, heartache, and vulnerability. While triggered, P-22 ignored his fellow councilor. “We have every right to remove predators from Calafia. But this human is no predator. He is a human who made a tragic error. His life should be spared. If we truly value the life of a human, we must not value the life of the mountain lion greater than we do the human. Our emotions should not override our sense of empathy and justice. I will vote no.”

Two of P-22’s colleagues, M-166 and Robinson the Bear, watched P-22’s speech. A locally beloved Northern California mountain lion, M-166 served in the House of Mountain Lion with P-22. Robinson served in the House of Bear. He also served in the Dane’s Squad, where M-166 had once been his commander. Per the Dane’s Squad code, they both knew what happened to the human who murdered P-22’s older brother, P-15, though they could never reveal.

“That jerk forgot that a human murdered P-22’s older brother,” M-166 said. He held back his desire to hiss. “Some of the mountain lions I serve with lack all decency.”

“P-22 is brave,” Robinson said. “This is dangerous politics.”

“How so?”

“Captain, most mountain lions are crying out for blood. Actually, most animals are crying out for blood. He’s taking a stance that only an urban mountain lion could take. And there are only four urban mountain lions who serve in your entire chamber.” There were few urban mountain lions. And even fewer who served in elected office. Urban districts in the House of Mountain Lion were the largest geographically due to the equal population requirement. Humans considered P-22 a rarity. But he was an even bigger rarity in politics. “And I didn’t see the other three speak against this motion either.”

“Just because Caroline, Marc, and Fife didn’t speak against, doesn’t mean they will vote in favor.” Caroline the Mountain Lion lived in the Torrey Pines Reserve in San Diego. Marc the Mountain Lion (known to humans as “Mr. Handsome”) roamed San Francisco. Fife the Mountain Lion lived in Oakland Hills. They were close to P-22, representing the interests of California’s urban mountain lions.

“I’m not sure they won’t vote in favor. They may be reformers. But they’re still politicians, accountable to the public.” Robinson wryly smiled. “He’s right, you know. But I wouldn’t be caught dead voting against this, lest I anger my constituents.”

“P-22 is the conscience of the House of Mountain Lion. I’m honored he’s a friend.”

“Well, humans love you both.”

“He’s earned it. P-22 made our adoption codes have gender-neutral terms, got tax breaks for urban den and cavern development, and reformed our water well drinking system. No mountain lion works harder.”

Robinson rolled his eyes. He didn’t look down on M-166, though. He just found his colleague charmingly aloof.

“I say something odd, Robinson?”

“Captain, you tracked down one of the worst coyote killers in California history, solved some of our greatest cold cases, reunited cougar kittens with their parents after a wildfire, and rescued some lost dogs in a blizzard.”

M-166 blushed. “Your point?”

“Most animals consider you a police and military hero. And yet humans love you for eating wild horses.” Wild horses overpopulated M-166’s territory, threatening the human owned ranches. By thinning the wild horse herds, M-166’s diet helped protect their ranches. In a part of California where humans had did not like mountain lions, M-166 won over many unlikely converts. Those who once believed that they should be allowed to legally hunt him grew to adore their mountain lion neighbor.

A blank expression crossed M-166’s face. “I’m no hero. I just like to eat dinner.”

“I doubt humans appreciate the effort P-22 is making to save one of their own.”

“They should.”

“Incredible he cares so much for a human, after one murdered P-15. Though we did get justice in that case.”

“Maybe.” M-166 frowned. “But P-22 will never get his older brother back.”

“But we did something else just.”

“Perhaps. It didn’t help P-22 though.” A buzzer sounded. M-166 sighed. “Time to vote.”

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“The ayes are 245,” the Vice President hissed. “The noes are 1. The abstentions are 4. The House of Mountain Lion orders the Dane’s Squad may be dispatched to remove the subject human predator.” Only P-22 had voted no. Caroline, Marc, and Fife abstained. But surprising P-22 and somewhat lifting his spirits, M-166 had abstained.

“You didn’t vote in favor?” Robinson asked M-166. He wondered if M-166 had cast an erroneous vote.

“I’m too cowardly to vote no,” M-166 replied. “But the comment about P-22 not experiencing loss angered me. I have to support my friend.”

“Honestly, I’m sometimes surprised you two are friends.”

“Why?”

“You live in the most rural part of California with the fewest humans. P-22 lives in Los Angeles surrounded by four million humans.”

“We’re the only police officers in the House of Mountain Lion. It’s a natural bond.” P-22 had served as a police officer prior to being elected to the House of Mountain Lion. He still remained on the force, though, working part time.

“Your natural bonds notwithstanding, it will be difficult to explain your votes to constituents.”

“It’s the trouble with politics. You will be judged not for what you’ve done but for what the public thinks you’ve done.”

“We’re Dane’s Squad members. We never showboat.”

M-166 nodded.

“Think we should say something to P-22?” Robinson had noticed P-22 sitting off by himself, sad over his failure to persuade his colleagues to spare the human.

“I think he wants to be left alone. An innocent human is about to lose their life for making a mistake. If we catch him, all we will do is compound the pre-existing tragedy. It won’t bring back the deceased mountain lion for his family, friends, and community. But we will take away a human from his family, friends, and community. It’s not right under the circumstances. But only P-22 had the guts to say something about it.”

“Took bravery. As much as we needed to get justice for his older brother. If not more.”

“If only councilors knew what we did with that little black notebook we found during predator removal, they would know who the real ‘human lovers’ are.”

“I sometimes wish we could tell P-22 what we did. If not for adherence to Dane’s Squad Code, I would.”

M-166 grinned. “We can’t ever tell him. But he knows what happened.”

“How do you know?”

“If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have made that speech.”

******************************************************************************

P-15’s killer smirked as he parked at his Yosemite Motel. He lived in Idaho, where he could freely murder mountain lions. However, he hunted in California, flouting the silly law. He would get away with it. He had before. He would again.

The California laws made no sense. People should hunt horrible, predatory mountain lions. Though these stupid laws had a benefit. The mountain lions in California might not be as easy to hunt. It gave them a false sense of security. California mountain lions rarely foresaw the killing. When he hunted P-15, P-15 had foolishly stopped and smiled at him. He made no attempt to escape.

As P-15’s killer walked into his hotel cabin, he didn’t notice the cat perched in the tree watching him.

“I’ve got a sighting of the human suspect,” Crozier the Cat said, as he radioed into the team. The Dane’s Squad concealed itself in the woods. “The suspect has entered his cabin. Dog teams, we need confirmation.”

The human in his cabin, Lieutenant Sydney, a Labrador-Doberman mix, and two bloodhounds emerged from the woods. Trained to sniff out bombs and convicts, they sniffed the car for the scent of their suspect human. The Dane’s Squad had to confirm before carrying out the orders. On this mission, they had no room for mistake.

“We have a match,” Lieutenant Sydney said into her radio in after the dogs took some sniffs. “For both the killer and P-15.” She paused before radioing in more information because something surprised her. “It’s odd. The smell of both is emitting from a little black notebook.”

“Cat teams, maintain full surveillance of the cabin,” M-166 ordered. He would undertake the most dangerous part of the mission.

A few hours later, the human walked out of his cabin. He had his hunting rifle and a device to mock a distressed fawn call.

“We have our suspect in site,” Crozier said. “He is leaving his cabin. He is alone and armed. Proceed with extreme caution.”

“All right,” M-166 said. He would undertake the most dangerous part of the mission. “We got limited time. Let’s roll.”

******************************************************************************

P-15’s murderer smiled. Only twenty minutes into the hunt, he had already found a prized mountain lion. This mountain lion had to be the most stupid he had ever encountered. He made no attempt to run or jump into a tree to hide. Instead, he seemed to put himself in the position where he could be most easily shot. This hunt would be one of the easiest he ever had.

P-15’s murderer never noticed the cats watching him when he left his cabin. He never noticed them staking out his cabin when he walked in. And so deeply fixated on killing M-166, he never saw the two large black bears and the spaniel following right behind him. As he confidently aimed his rifle to get the perfect shot, he had no idea it would be the last shot he would ever attempt to take.

******************************************************************************

“Captain, you feel any regret?” Robinson asked. He and M-166 discarded the murderer’s items in a garbage dumpster to cover their tracks. Dog teams helped remove the human’s blood. They had been so effective in this action that neither one suffered any wounds.

“Of course I do,” M-166 said. “Dane’s Squad screens out any animal who enjoys taking a human life.” M-166 looked at a minor scratch wound. “But this human could have avoided his fate had he not murdered an innocent mountain lion. He left us with no other choice.”

“I suppose.” Robinson found these actions trying on his soul. He had to reconcile his beliefs about peaceful co-existence with humans and respect for life with his job.

“We removed a predator from California.”

Robinson nodded. If for no other reason than that M-166 outranked him, he would not argue with his captain. As he sifted through the human’s belongings, he stumbled across something bizarre. “What’s this?” Robinson handed the little black notebook to M-166. “Lieutenant Sydney used it to identify P-15 and the human.”

“A black notebook.” M-166 opened it. “It’s got human currency inside.” A shiver ran down his spine. “It’s 20,000 dollars, cash.”

“How do you know?”

“At the academy, they taught me how to count human money to become unit commander.”

“What did he have all that for?”

“Blood money. It’s what he sold P-15’s trophy head for. Our murder is a business for them.”

Robinson shivered. It compounded the horror that some humans hunted wild animals for sport. Animals broke the law to kill humans. But when they did so, their motives never related to profit. Humans had a profit motive to encourage their evil acts against the animals. “I guess this is all a mountain lion’s life means to one of them.”

“Apparently so.” M-166 shook his head. This murderer had never considered P-15’s life. He had never considered P-15’s goals, dreams, family members, or even his friends. He had just seen an opportunity to make some quick cash. M-166 still struggled to understand the callousness. “But this is why we do what we must. California’s animals will not survive on human good will alone. We must take our own action.”

“What do we do with this blood money, then?” Robinson asked. “We have to destroy it, right?”

Before M-166 could answer, a haggard looking golden retriever startled them. Both trembled. Their cover might be blown.

“Hi Mr. Bear, Hi Mr. Mountain Lion. Don’t mind me. I’m just searching the dumpsters for food.” A typical California dog, the golden retriever didn’t fear the two wild animals. In a historic 1968 referendum, California’s bears, bobcats, cats, dogs, mountain lions, and wolves all voted to ban the hunting of one another. It had helped create the broader republic.

“Us too,” M-166 said. He couldn’t blow their cover. Animals had to act covertly to ensure the success of these operations. “You can go ahead of us. No deer in there.”

“Thank you,” the golden retriever said.

“We didn’t know any humans lived around here,” M-166 said. “You a stray?”

“Nah. My pet human is homeless. He’s living out of his car. When he takes naps, I go out and look for food.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“He’s always feeding me first. The least I can do is make sure I feed him. He is my pet, after all. I have a duty to care for him.”

“That’s noble of you.”

“Yeah, he lost his job. He has depression and anxiety. And he needs medication to work. The medication helps him a lot. But without his job, he has no health insurance to pay for the medication. So, he’s struggled to find new work. Plus, a developer evicted us from our rent-controlled apartment. He can’t find a new place.”

“How terrible.”

“Humanity is flawed. It’s the price we dogs pay for taking them as pets.”

“He a hunter?”

“Absolutely not! I love my pet human more than anything. But I would never tolerate a hunter. If I couldn’t train him to stop, I’d find a new pet.”

M-166 nodded.

“He’s a very talented architect. He’s just had some bad luck.”

“My friend and I found this little black notebook. We can’t use what’s in it. But perhaps you and your pet human might.”

“Is it food?”

“Almost as good. It’s 20,000 in human currency.”

The dog lit up. “Really? And you don’t want it?”

“Nope.”

“Not even you Mr. Bear?”

Robinson shook his head. “It’s not food, like my pal says.” Robinson could not question his commander’s decision or reveal their identities. He had doubts whether M-166 made the right decision. They used blood money. And perhaps it should be destroyed. But M-166 made the decision.

M-166 handed the black notebook to the golden retriever. “It’s all yours.”

“Thank you, Mr. Mountain Lion! Thank you, Mr. Bear!” As the dog trotted off, Robinson turned to M-166. “Are you sure we made the right choice there? It is blood money. I feel like we should have thrown it away.”

“Yup. Something good had to come from this. We won’t get P-15 back for his family. We can do something positive though from this horror. When you next question your conscience, you’ll remember that you’re a member of this squad for a reason. And it’s not out of your hatred for humanity or your desire to obtain revenge.”

Robinson nodded. He couldn’t second guess what they had done. Not now.

******************************************************************************

The golden retriever returned to the car with the little black notebook, his pet human still asleep. When his human awoke, he barked at him and dropped the little black notebook in his lap.

“I forgot I even had that.” The human opened it. His eyes joyously widened.

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