What do I believe in? What a loaded question. And not just for me, but for everyone.
I'll be honest, there was a time that I didn't believe in anything. At a young age, I felt exhausted. I started to give up hope as a child because I was told to. There was something eating me though. There was an itch that I couldn't explain, and my mind led me to believe that it wasn't worth telling anyone about.
When I would go camping with my family, the banter could get rough and personal. Fighting was a given. It was unfortunate but we got along better if we just stayed away from each other. The only peace I found was when the night fell. The stars lit up the sky while the full moon illuminated the earth around me. It was like the universe was using a hypnosis technique to get me to finally let go. "Relax Amber." Was what I could hear in my head, and relax is exactly what I did in those moments. Even if they were fleeting and withered away within minutes.
When I was a child, maybe four to six years old. My family and I would get home late some nights. I was never told to look up at the sky in these moments.
I always get a feeling when I'm being looked at or watched. It was that feeling that got me to look up to the sky as a child. When I did all I saw was this amazing abundance of stars in the sky. I saw stars of all kinds of colors. There were yellow, red, green, purple, white, and so on. It was amazing. I saw the stars like that for at least a year before my mind decided they don't exist. I asked my dad, "Daddy, Daddy, where did all the stars go? Where did they go?"
He annoyedly responded to me. "Amber, they are right there."
I pressed further, "No they weren't like that before-"
He cut me off and snapped at me. "They have always been like that!"
I then did not explain further why it meant so much to me that they looked different. Before the sky had so much personality and it popped out like glitter. It was a sad day for me when it all disappeared.
Taking all of this into consideration, everything happens for a reason. I had connections with the stars before I opened a book on astrology, or astronomy. My parents and sister were the ones who originally introduced horoscopes into my life. I had my sister explain further what a horoscope is. Once she finished her explanation I was invested for a while, I cared what my horoscope had to say. One day however I read everyone's horoscope and they all sounded vaguely the same. I thought at that point that it wasn't as special anymore. I fell away from astrology for a long time, but it always wriggled its way back into my life for brief moments.
It wasn't until my best friend, sister, and I went to Indigo one day, and staring me right in the face was; The Only Astrology Book You'll Ever Need, by Joanna Martine Woolfolk. We spent a good hour in that store and three times I picked up the book and said 'no' to it. Then I picked it up for the fourth time and went to the cash registrar. As fate would have it, I have a thing for books that only have one copy available, and this was the case for this book.
I knew I was a Capricorn at the time. However, I couldn't explain why I felt off. Being one of the strict signs of the zodiac, I've usually been open-minded.
My virtues are best explained in the song; Humble And Kind, by Tim McGraw. Specifically his course.
"Hold the door, say "please", say "thank you"
Don't steal, don't cheat, and don't lie
I know you got mountains to climb
But always stay humble and kind
When the dreams you're dreamin' come to you
When the work you put in is realized
Let yourself feel the pride
But always stay humble and kind."
I care about hard work. I care about commitment and loyalty. I care about honesty, respect, and manners. And I care about responsibility, fairness, and kindness."
When my best friend and I dove into this book headfirst, I thought I knew what to expect. I learned so much more about myself than I already knew that day. Everything was right about me. This book sparked my faith in the stars again. I don't have faith in the weekly horoscope, but I do have faith in the birth chart. Getting my biggest flaws pointed out and described perfectly gave me perspective and helped me improve as a person. My birth chart was right about me on all fronts at the time I got my book. Now that I've had time to grow, I don't fit the bill quite the same. I am still a Capricorn sun, Gemini moon, and Aries rising the only difference is that I've learned to let go, and have a bit more control over my actions. Those actions being influenced by the star signs they belong to. I am grateful, for being able to understand myself through astrology gave me a leg up on my behavior.
The only other thing I've come to notice in life is that every zodiac sign influences another in a specific way, and maybe that's how horoscopes are created. Based on what full moon or new moon there is, and in what sign. We all get affected differently.
So, what do I believe in? I believe that all of the Zodiac signs, even if it's not your own will affect you in some way.
And I believe in the stars. I have faith in myself because... I am part of the stars.
I belong to a beautiful sky, full of personality that pops like glitter. Just like everyone on earth pops like confetti.