Three Tall Men

Kerplunk! Somewhere on earth a big shiny gold crater appeared out of nowhere.

“There must be more to life than this” One exclaimed. “We’re just going round and round and round and round… it’s so boring”.

“We have a purpose One, and bedsides, it’s all about the timing” said Two.

“Timing? Seriously? It’s an artform. And, it harder than it looks. Timing indeed! You’re too funny!” said Three.

“It’s OK for you two, you don’t have abnormally long legs. I get cramps you know, it’s very painful.” Said One.

“I do too, and my legs are almost as long as yours, although admittedly, not quite as hairy!” snorted Two.

“How many times? How many times do I have to say this? It’s not a contest, it’s all about relativity” Three groaned.

“Relativity? Well, we ARE related! Ha-ha.” chimed Two

“Oh, why do I bother?” signed One. “It’s getting monotonous; all this constant centrifuging. 20 strides to walk the earth end to end. You have no idea what it’s like having a gait 2. 4km long like mine. It’s exhausting!”

“Someone’s got to keep the world turning” said Two “it doesn’t do it by itself, as you well know. Besides, you have to walk the walk, to talk the talk…”

Three interrupted “ENOUGH already! Any who’s got the big pearly moleskin logbook? I need to put in today’s readings.”

“You do.” Said One.

“No I don’t – you had it last.”

“No, that was Two”

“Right! Right, I remember now” said Two. “I put it in the back pocket of my big tartan trousers, you know, the ones with the holes in the pockets…aaaaaah, and I might just have put it in to wash…oooops!”

“Oh god! Which cloud?” barked Three.

“The rainy one, duh! OK, OK, it was either Quatar 2 or 3, can’t quite remember, they all look alike. Don’t panic, I’ll get it back. It’s not as if I have to drive all over town looking for a dry-cleaners like the mortals. It’ll be fine, you’ll see”.

“Good grief just FIND it. It’s got all our travels, tribulations, loves and existential lives in it!”

“Talking of tribulations” said One, “we do have slightly more important things to worry about. Like, just how are we going to dispose of that thing Two brought back from Calpernica?”

“Well don’t ask me” said Two, “can’t use it, can’t eat it, can’t squish it, don’t want it! And for your information, brother dear, I didn’t voluntarily bring it, it just sort of came along for the ride”.

“Uh-huh”

“I was just innocently leaping across the cosmos, minding my own business, when I accidentally trod on their planet right into…”

“A BANK VAULT?” Three said incredulously.

“Well yes, if you must know. Look! It was unintentional. It got stuck on the sole of my shoe, or maybe my shoe got stuck in it. Whatever, it doesn’t matter. The point is, it was very heavy, and I could have PULLED a ligament – not that any of you care! Who knew $20,000 in gold bullion could weigh that much encased in a lead safe? Who knew?”

“We could spend it, like the mortals. One, you could get your legs shortened on Bein Abgesagt, or we could finally that family portrait done” said Three wishfully.

“Where, pray tell, in this universe is there a) a camera big enough, b) a cameraman big enough and c) a stationary back drop big enough to hold us all?” said One.

“We could dangle our lovely long legs between Saturn’s rings. We haven’t pissed off NASA for a while. Or HEY! We could go back to Jupiter for a bit”

“Too much Ammonia, nothing to do there and hardly any atmosphere” said Two.

“This is getting us nowhere. Two, just go find your laundry and keep that book in a safe place. Remember we have to write all this down before we forget it” said Three.

Later, after remembering which cloud it was, Two put the book and gold bullion in the pack pocket of his newly laundered trousers for safe keeping.

Kerplunk! He patted his back trouser pocket…