The Travels of Draconis Teine Part 2

I fucking hurt. Everywhere. Seriously, every fiber of my being. Muscles, skin, head, legs. You name it, it hurts. Even my fucking balls. And why the fuck am I naked!? I had to figure out what was going on. Was this a dream? What was it they said about dreams? If you pinched yourself you could tell whether you were dreaming or not; that if it hurt you weren’t dreaming. Well it hurt and I didn’t get it. What was going and where was I?

I knew that no matter what I had to get up. That, of course, was easier said than done, as every move I made was painful. I could go on complaining about the pain, but when I got to my feet I was stunned. I looked down. It was definitely my body yet it was different. I had a defined muscular structure. Actual biceps, pecks, and even abs. I still wasn’t any kind of Greek god, but damn this was awesome. And - was something else bigger?

“Now this is a disturbing sight.” A deep rumbling voice interrupted my self admiration.

You would think that I would attempt to cover myself somehow. I didn’t. I don’t know if it was the new look or what it was. I turned around, unabashed, dick swinging without a care in the world, and saw the tallest, hairiest man I’ve ever seen.

Realize I’m not short. At six foot, I am considered above average. This guy was at least a foot taller than me. And when I say hairy, I mean somewhere between Neanderthal and Sasquatch, not to mention that he was built like a damn linebacker. He made me feel like a child, and at that point I wanted to cover myself and scream like a girl while running for my life.

Of course sarcasm won out, “Me, disturbing? You are the hairiest man I’ve ever seen.”

The giant grunted, “You choose to insult me? I’m not a man, human.”

“What, a girl then? Are you hiding a pair of tits in that furriness?”

This would be the time where most people would start berating my stupidity. After all, I was antagonizing someone who could splinter my bones in a bear hug. By the narrowing of his eyes, which other than the bushy eyebrows was devoid of hair like his forehead, he was not amused. Hell I was even questioning my own intelligence, while calculating if I could out run him if he charged.

“Our females’ hair is what makes them attractive. Hairy tits are a sight better than your hairless wenches. Your kinds’ hairless bodies disgust me.”

Confusion was setting in as I spoke involuntarily, “What are you?”

“Are you serious? Did you hit your head when you lost your clothes and scorched my land? I am tuatha.” The big guy was actually laughing as he spoke.

Even more confused I looked at the ground around me. He was right. The ground was scorched in a perfect circle about ten feet in diameter. Within the circle, there was a stump of a tree about the same size as the rest of the trees spaced evenly around the area. These trees had a pear shaped fruit with a pinkish color to them.

I looked back at the tuatha, “I’m sorry about your land. I honestly don’t know what happened. I have never even heard of your kind.”

“Hmm,” the tuatha regarded me for a moment. “I don’t think you’re lying. Perhaps you did hit your head, but that doesn’t absolve you from owing me for what you’ve destroyed. My wife and I will take care of you until you are better. You will also work for me until your debt is paid.”

“Uh,” I stammered unsure what to say, though I wanted to argue my innocence.

The tuatha pulled his thigh length tunic off tossing it at me, “Here. I don’t want you to offend my wife. I am Lughvard.”

“Ok, Lugh.”

Lughvard’s eyes narrowed again, his voice a bit stern, “It’s Lughvard. What do they call you?”

“Umm,” I felt an awkwardness as I slipped the tunic on as I considered my response.

I could’ve used my real name. The one my parents gave me at birth. But then I thought why. After all, if this was a dream, what did it matter? Or if this was a new life then I should name myself. That’s how I decided to go with the video game standard.

“I am Draconis Teine.”