The Raven's Path

Raven thought astrology was dumb.

She was in the breakroom with her coworker-turned-friend named Mary, who sat cross legged on the cool linoleum tile. Raven couldn’t understand the desire to sit on that grubby floor, knowing all too well how many times she said she had mopped for closing duties when in fact she had not.

Mary read the newspaper out loud to herself, enunciating some words more than others, saying some parts only in a whisper, others louder.

Raven looked at her with a sense of quiet awe. This feeling came from her chest but it always made her feel bad. Why was she always feeling bad about everything? Nothing was ever fair.

This daydream (read: nightmare) was thankfully interrupted by Mary’s question:

“Can I read your horoscope?” Her eyes glinted with possibility and something purple.

“Horoscopes are dumb, do you really believe in them?”

“Woah, relax! It’s just for fun, I’m not a psychic or anything. And if you’re that worried about it, I doubt The MidTown Daily is either. These are probably written by interns or the janitor or someone’s kid. When’s your birthday?”

“October 12.”

“Cool, Libra!”

“I guess.”

“What time were you born?”

“What? I have no idea. I’ll have to text my mom and ask.”

Raven checked her smart watch, expecting it to chastise her for not standing enough, but instead it just said 2:57. Three more minutes on her break. Might as well be over. She tuned back into Mary, who was about halfway through the horoscope.

“....'by the power of these divine lunar beams, you’re finally ready to let go of a certain belief or situation. There may be tears and struggle, but pay no mind to fear as this process takes time.' Oooooh, Raven what are you gonna let go of? I hope it’s not me!”

She laughed in the singsong way she did and folded the newspaper back up along its creases.

Raven smiled too, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes, instead, it dropped off and quivered in a saggy half moon. She had never felt the stars, what did that even mean?

“There’s no way we’re connected to the universe just like there’s no way we’re connected to the stars,” Raven protested. If they were, wouldn’t there be signs? All that alien stuff felt pretty bullshit, and wasn’t the zodiac a killer? She was much too old to believe in magic.

“Oh shush, you’re such a downer! There’s more to life than you think,” said Mary.

Raven felt the desire to roll her eyes but swallowed it.

The walk home was cool and crisp. Shadows floated effortlessly on pavement as their physical bodies stumbled above in reality, just trying to make it through each day. Who leads the way, the body, or its shadow? It felt almost as if this shadow today, her shadow, was guiding her path.

Typically home by sunset, Raven instead found herself outside an old brick building. Moss grew on its corners around vines that hugged its structure tightly: mother nature’s eternal embrace. “Night Roost” was painted on a small wooden sign that creaked in an obvious way in the wind as it hung from a drooping awning.

She’d never seen this store before, or at least she couldn’t remember.

Light beckoned her forward so she put her hand on the ornate wooden handle, carved in the symbol of a rose, and stepped inside, either leaving her shadow outside or taking it with her, she was never quite sure.

It was a magic shop. Or, no, was it witches? One corner had an assortment of bowls, each round and shallow and smooth, strikingly different than the ones out of which she ate her morning breakfast. Smoke lingered around the edges of bookshelves and gathered in the corners where the floor met the ceiling. Jars were filled with herbs, candles, and one had an assortment of animal teeth. What was this place?

A deck of cards caught her eye and she moved towards it. There was a strange energy in this shop, an energy that Raven felt in her cells. The need to flee was overtaken by the desire to stay so she boldly picked up the deck of cards, feeling their gilded golden edges. One card abruptly popped out and she crouched to pick it up from the oaked wooden floor. She rose and was startled to be nose to nose with an old woman.

“Did I frighten you, dear?”

Her skin was almost translucent.

“No, I--, I just--” Raven stuttered. Always the eloquent speaker.

“What do the spirits have to say?” said the woman, her voice like paper.

“I...I don’t know? What do you mean?” Raven was lost, as usual. She never should have come! This was silly, but at least it would be something interesting to tell Mary, she thought.

The old woman’s eyes were more powerful than her words and she slowly cast them downward, on the card, and then slowly upwards to meet Raven’s unwavering confused gaze.

“It’s just a deck of cards,” she protested.

“It’s not.”

The air felt heavy now.

“You can call me Rabbit,” she said.

Raven said nothing.

Rabbit walked across the room, shuffling in sandals, and stood proudly behind the counter.

“That will be $12.69.”

“Oh, no thanks,” Raven stuttered, fumbling with the cards in her hands.

“But don’t you see, dear, they’re already yours.”

Lint from her pocket clung to sweaty fingers as she pulled out cash, following her gut.

What was with these cards?

With the ding of the cash register and the change back in her pocket, Raven turned to leave, feeling emotionally drained. Before she could reach the door, she turned around, forgetting something.

Rabbit suddenly was standing where she first appeared, by the bookshelves, and in her hand was the card that had fallen to the floor.

“Don’t forget this one,” she said, with a smile.

The next day, Raven woke up feeling annoyed. Who was that witch lady and why did she have to make her buy these cards! Most of them had pictures of people on them, some holding cups, some holding swords, some holding stars. They were beautiful like a storybook but she couldn’t figure out how they could help her find her way. Maybe she could play Hearts.

This question of who to trust, what to do, who she was...it jostled up Raven inside and made her intestines feel like a tilt-a-whirl. She was so preoccupied with this negative rampage that while she attempted to feed her cat Opal, her foot landed on Opal’s tail and all hell broke loose.

Dishes crashed down from the counter as the now puffy tailed feline parkour’ed across the kitchen, finally landing on the table and knocking over a water glass, her cereal bowl from two days ago, and those dumb cards from the shop.

“DAMNIT OPAL!” Yelled Raven. She slumped down to the floor with her head in her hands. She did not feel supported by the universe, she just felt bad. Slowly, eventually, begrudgingly, she opened her eyes. Through the watery film of tears, she saw the cards laying in the sunlight. Every single card was face down except one. Opal was licking water and old milk off the floor.

The card had a moon between two towers with a hiking trail in the middle, two dogs or wolves barking, and a lobster coming out of the water. Was she supposed to buy a dog to howl at the moon and then eat some seafood? These cards made no sense, although she was pretty hungry.

Instead of curiosity, Raven felt pity at herself for being so uninformed. She felt like she was behind in life, like she could not find her path.

A voice from somewhere within her said, “Google it.”

Google said that this was a tarot deck. A set of 78 cards that can help shed light, perspective, and guidance on one's life path. Hmm.

“So what does this card mean,” she mused aloud to herself. Her voice sounded strangely calm. She desired guidance so much.

Moon symbolizes intuition. The moon’s glow, although dimmer than the sun's, still lights the path of your highest self, your highest potential, though the road may be long. Water symbolizes emotions of the mind, the crayfish symbolizes emerging consciousness. The dogs symbolize the tamed and untamed parts of our psyche. The moon card urges you to let go of the fears that are holding you back, to release old beliefs that no longer serve you, to cease all negative self talk and instead trust your intuition.

Raven’s hands were shaking. She looked up, unaware a few hours had passed. The spilled milk slowly dried on the kitchen floor with Opal snoozing nearby. She glanced at her calendar. It was a full moon tonight.

With a new sense of rejuvenation and possibility, she stood up proudly off the floor. Gripping tightly the moon card in one hand, she ran out of her house and into the dusk of evening. Her path back to the witch’s shop was as clear as her intention. Out of breath, she rounded the corner expecting to see that swinging sign and the rose handled door, but it wasn’t there.

What?

It was a laundromat. ‘Venus Cleaning’ was painted on the glass window shielding a room of moving circles cleaning, cleansing, cycling.

Raven looked around confused. Wasn’t this exactly where it was?

“Yes,” said that paper voice.

Raven turned towards her right.

It was Rabbit. She sat on a street bench just a few feet away.

Raven had no choice but to sit, with tears welling once more in her eyes.

“I don’t get it,” she said, defeated.

Rabbit took a deep breath.

“Libra is the sign of harmony, and strives for balance between polarities. Libras are typically artistic, extremely caring, and an advocate for justice. Their weaknesses often include holding grudges, self pity, and indecisiveness.”

Rabbit peered from her closed eyes to make sure Raven was listening.

She was.

“It is said that Libra is represented by the rabbit in Chinese astrology, and the raven in Native American traditions. Its flower is a rose. It is ruled by the planet Venus, and symbolized by the birthstone opal.”

Raven felt a buzzing on her forehead, not a headache, just more of a sensation. She felt buzzy like when she found the moon card. A sense of gratitude washed over her, which was not something she was accustomed to.

The dots were connecting.

Rabbit spoke to her with bright eyes, and said, “So you see, dear, you have always been on your path. You must trust your intuition, for it will guide you.”

“But...what about the store? Did I imagine that?”

“It was there just long enough for you to rendezvous with it.”

Raven didn’t get that quite yet, so she decided to let it be.

“Trust that you are connected to the Universe. When you’re feeling a lot all at once, look at the cards for they will help show you perspective. You’re more powerful than you think.”

Raven’s mind was blank, she could think of nothing to say. All of this was so new to her but she finally felt a small sense of connection, of support, of guidance.

Then, from deep within her, from somewhere she had not been in a long while, from a place of knowing and calm, she smiled.

Her heart did not hurt, it smiled with her.

“What does it mean to feel the stars?” asked Raven, finally.

“My dear, the proof is in the sunshine.”