The NEW 'Star Wars' Machete Order

Since the release of the Star Wars prequel trilogy, there have been constant debates about the viewing order for the Star Wars films. Some have argued release order, and some have argued chronological order. It sometimes depends on whether or not one is a first-time viewer of the franchise.

Over the years, there was even a proposed viewing order known as "flashback order," which proposed watching A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, then going back to the prequel trilogy once the Darth Vader secret has been revealed, and then concluding with Return of the Jedi. One could even take it a step further with the "machete order," which proposed cutting out The Phantom Menace entirely, given that it did not feel as relevant to certain things and had much of what people disliked. (Saying it's not relevant now doesn't really make sense, given how prominent of a role Darth Maul has had in animation, and how Qui-Gon Jinn still has a lasting effect on the characters.)

With the release of the sequel trilogy, a couple of anthology films, multiple animated series, and now multiple live-action series, it is time to propose a new "machete order" for watching Star Wars. Some of it can be pretty daunting, and this is by no means "the one correct order," but more of a suggestion containing the essentials, without missing much. So here are the entries that appear in this new order.

Spy Kids

First, we must start with this classic from 2001. While Spy Kids focuses on the titular spy kids, siblings Carmen and Juni Cortez, it does feature their uncle Isador "Machete" Cortez, played by Danny Trejo. He has a spy shop in this film, which is pretty wild to think about.

Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams

In this sequel (which some argue is better than the first one, given how fun it is seeing Steve Buscemi as an eccentric scientist), Machete appears again. Here, he helps his niece and his nephew by giving them some new gadgets that they end up using on their mission. There's also a fun scene at the end involving a concert.

Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over

All hands on the table, this was actually the first 3D movie I ever watched. So I do have some nostalgia for the experience of seeing this, even if it wasn't necessarily that great. Anyway, Juni goes inside of a video game, later reunites with his sister, and then decides to call in everyone as the villain known as the Toymaker needs to be taken down. And, as you can guess, "everyone" includes Machete.

Machete

This is the first film in which Machete is the main character. It's pretty violent, so definitely do not show it to kids. Have them watch the first three Spy Kids movie, and make them wait years and years until they are grown up and old enough to view this one and proceed in this viewing order.

Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World

Yes, it's kid friendly. But one has to wait until they're able to see Machete before seeing this one, if they want to go through this viewing order properly.

Machete Kills

A wackier sequel to Machete, which sets him on the course to go into space, teasing, "MACHETE KILLS IN SPACE!"

The Book of Boba Fett: "Chapter 3: The Streets of Mos Espa"

Not only has Machete ended up in space, but also back in time...somehow. Though not referred to by name, there's no denying that this is Machete, who has become a rancor keeper. In this episode of The Book of Boba Fett, he is tasked with helping the "main character" Boba Fett take care of the rancor.

So there you have it, a new "machete order" for watching Star Wars. Try it out, and may the Force be with you!

(Post for April 1, 2022)