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The Need to Please and How to Overcome it

From pleasing people to rising up for your most authentic life and it's for the good of humanity!

By Nicolette TuraPublished 2 years ago 5 min read
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we need you aligned with your truth, no it's not selfish

'If you're a people pleaser, then you probably tend to put other people’s needs ahead of your own. Maybe you want approval from others or have been taught to always give to others. It’ll take some time to adjust, but start by saying “no” to some things instead of “yes” to everything. Create some boundaries and make your voice heard and your opinion matter. Above all, make time to care for yourself'

People Pleasing from the article I co-authored: https://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Being-a-People-Pleaser - chalk full of practical tips to support your unique journey! Check it out :)

Why do some of us people please?

  1. The more you care, the more you please.
  2. The more sensitive you are, the more you please.
  3. The more ‘othered’ you are, the more you please.

Sensitives, Empaths, those of us who have a path that fights against the systems that have kept us down - my friends we have a tough lot in life and yet we can do something about it.

We can remember that when we put ourselves first it changes the game.

I don’t know where you are on your path. I can’t say that we are ever done or over it. I can say it gets better and you attract more resources and people to support your unfolding along the way.

Are we even aware we are doing it?

Chances are no. You are not aware.

It has been expected of you to do what others ask of you.

You have gotten and probably receive crap when you don't.

From childhood, if you grew up in a traumatic environment like I did; it is highly likely you learned skills that helped create more peace and stability.

Yet at what cost? Your peace and nurturance more likely.

Then at school, we are taught to obey and follow authority. Get the good grades, be the good girl.

Add in religion and oh my depending on what you were spoon fed, even though it was probably meant to come from a place of love, it sure put the fear in us.

The quick and dirty of people pleasing IMHO -

People Pleasing: Accommodating others at the sake of your own peace, truth or happiness.

Potential Justifications:

  • fear
  • keeping the peace
  • don't know what else to do

How about this - What is not people pleasing - when you are fully sovereign, aware and choosing to do what you are doing from a place of consciousness, love, peace, or authenticity.

When you trust yourself that what you choose when you come from a place of love for yourself and others, you can't get it wrong. It is for the highest and best good.

So yes folks, we can have it all. Let's transcend either/or thinking and inhabit both/and more often.

4 quick steps to check in with yourself to make sure you are maintaining your power and authenticity while working or relating with others:

  • Pause
  • Feel
  • Choose
  • Communicate

Take a moment to pause. Breathe, get some fresh air. Doesn’t have to be long but pause. Acknowledge your feelings instead of denying, judging or labeling them. Accept your self and the situation as it is, rather than fight it or beat yourself up. Choose how you want to feel and invite that in. Communicate to yourself - 'OK I got this. This will Pass. Feelings are not facts...' Whatever helps you create more calm + clarity in the moment. And if needed, communicate with the person who may be triggering you. Simply ask for more time or for what you need; rather than lashing out or giving your power away.

Take this and make it work for you. Always. You know what's best for you and in every present moment if you allow it, you are guided by your Inner Being, Source, God, whatever you choose to call it or not.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed with all of this, it’s natural. When we face patterns and old programs, it doesn’t feel good because they kept us safe and served us for so long. Of course they aren’t just going to go away overnight.

Lighten up, have fun with it. Treat life as an experiment. Reward yourself every time you try to do things differently.

We have all of eternity. If you choose that perspecive. You are a powerful and unique soul in human flesh that came to Earth to learn, grow and experience.

You can’t f*ck anything up and you can’t get it all done.

What if you approached your day like that?

Wow, no matter what happens I can’t f*ck it up because I’m learning, growing, showing up and doing my best and I get to keep trying.

Energetics or Astrology Lite: Two major transits that could be heightening this pattern of people pleasing in you at the moment.

The Aries Full Moon

Culminating on Wed 10/20, we all feel full moon energy differently each month. Days leading up to it, the day of, or afterwards. This axis in astrology represents Self vs. Other, so we are all getting what we usually sweep under the rug illuminated on full blast with regard to where we are co-dependent/losing ourselves for the sake of the other, or the opposite we may be too headstrong and just want to bounce. Aries - Libra balance is all about knowing yourself and seeking harmony with others while maintaining connection to your values and staying aligned with the truth of your soul.

Chiron in Aries

This is a longer transit, we are all dealing with the big question Who Am I?! It’s no wonder so many of us are facing uncertainty and major life changes to get us to where we are meant to be for our most joyful, authentic life while being in service to the collective.

Thank you for your time and attention. I wish you the best AllWays and that you stay aligned and are at peace no matter what arises.

Feeling thankful or generous - send me a tip https://account.venmo.com/u/Nicolette-Tura to support future work. Thank you so much, it means everything!

Curious about personal or corporate sessions? Email me at [email protected]

All the love, All the Power

-Nicolette

astronomy
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About the Creator

Nicolette Tura

A Guide for Sensitive Souls

*Be You and Create the World You Want To See*

wellness tips - guided meditations + more

https://www.wikihow.com/Author/Nicolette-Tura-MA

connect with me + more resources https://linktr.ee/shinewithnicolette

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