The Edge of Light

“I am Seth.” She sat expressionless, black eyes blinking slowly as she stared up at the officer. He squared off with her and leaned in to speak quietly but sound authoritative.

“I know, I got that part. Can you tell me anything else? About Anything?” He waited for an answer, but she just stared back. She had been given fresh clothes but needed to be scrubbed from head to toe. Her nails were filled with grime, and he could only guess what that smell was. Her hair was disheveled and dusty, making it look pale brown rather than its actual dark auburn color. “Where are you from?” He said this slowly and loud now.

“I am Seth.” The detective leaned back, threw up his hands in exasperation. He needed to remember the strategy. She was only one of two witnesses yesterday. The other guy still in critical condition. He needed her to tell him what happened. He rubbed his face with both hands, then kneaded the fat on the back of his hairless head. Her feet didn’t touch the ground in the chair, and her legs swung, and she waited seemingly patient, but for the nervous kick, they gave every so often. She breathed in and exhaled slowly through her nose as if she was about to say something, but didn’t.

“How old are you? I think you are about four, so I wouldn’t expect you to know very much. Anyway.”

“Six.” The detective sat up. “I’m small for my age.”

“Who is we?” He reached for his recorder.

“My mom and I.”

“Where is she?”

“She is still there.” He shifted uncomfortably. Only two people were found alive yesterday, the small child in front of him and a middle-aged man in the hospital. They didn’t identify anyone else complete. The investigators were still collecting and sorting, but there was definitely no one else alive. “I know she’s dead. You don’t have to hide it.” He felt very sick suddenly and understood why she wouldn’t speak. He stopped the recorder.

“Where is your dad? What’s his name?” She shrugged. “Can you tell me anything about him? If we can find him, then you won’t have to go to the state’s care. You wouldn’t like that. Do you know where you were born?” She melted into the chair and put her head back. “I’ve got a nice lady from social services coming to get you in a little while. She’s an expert at these things; she will find your dad.” She shook her head, scoot back in her chair, and drew her knees to her chest. Focusing on the shoes, they found for her. They were too big and made for a boy, but it was better than being barefoot. “Are you hungry?” She nodded without looking up. “Let’s fix that. Come on. Mike!” He took her hand, melted from the chair, and feathered between the squad room’s desks. “Mike!”

“Yes, sir!” A lanky blond uniformed officer stood up, spilling his coffee onto a bunch of papers as he did. “Yes, sir, I’m here, sir.” Desperately he tries to blot the coffee as it falls from the desk to the floor. Seth picked up a napkin and helped wipe the drops on the floor for the young man. “What can I do, sir?”

“Please take my friend, Seth, downstairs to Mulligans, see that she eats whatever she wants and keep her company til Mindy arrives.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Bring me the receipt for reimbursement.”

“I’m sorry about your mum. Hopefully, we can find your dad, but we are going to do everything to make it better for you.”

“I will look for you too.” She said quietly, putting her hand on his shoulder, his head turned slightly, not understanding. He put her hand in the hand of the officer. “Will I see you again?”

“I don’t know, Seth, but I still have some figuring out to do, and maybe when you’re ready, you can help me with that. So, maybe.” She nodded and looked up at the young officer.

“Come on. Let’s eat. My name is Mike.”

“Seth.”

“Mike, don’t be too cheerful, it’s annoying.” The detective crossed his arms and flexed on his heels.

“Yes, sir, let’s go, Seth.” With that, they left the detective in the squad room; she glanced over her shoulder as they went down the hallway. He got smaller and smaller until they turned the corner, and he was no longer visible. She worried about what she felt was coming for him and would keep her word.

Mulligans was a popular hangout. It’s open 24 hours and known for large portions, and home-style food that has to be carried off in take away bags. This morning, the breakfast crowd had already cleared out by 9:30, and a couple of waitresses helped 5 scattered tables in between taking quick smoke breaks and drinking coffee. Mike and Seth slid into a booth across the aisle from a stall that overlooked the downtown street. A waitress joined them, immediately handing them menus, putting a mug before the uniformed officer, and filled it with coffee. She turned her attention to the dirty child.

“What would you like to drink, Precious?” For a second, she couldn’t find words… She was so overwhelmed with everything she could hardly even grasp, wanting something that she would receive.

“Water.” The waitress looked at the officer. Mike spoke first.”

“Now you must want something more than that … how about milk? Bring two glasses of milk. If she doesn’t want hers, I’ll drink it.” The waitress went away. The sat in silence. Mike was unsure about how to approach her. He knew she had been through something horrible, so he didn’t want to be cheerful. He was hesitant to try too hard to comfort her. He remembered what it was like to feel like he was on the receiving end of false pity, so he just waited to see what to do next. He didn’t know if they would be waiting a few minutes or a few hours. He didn’t want her to get upset or become recalcitrant. He started slowly. “I always get a big steak when I come here. It’s too big to eat in one sitting, so I cut it up and eat it through the rest of my shift.” Seth sat slouching, slumped back with the menu in her lap. With a deep breath, she sat up and put the menu on the table.

“Chicken fried steak, green beans, and mashed potatoes… brown gravy, peaches for dessert.” There was no inflection in her voice; in fact, she was barely audible, and her demeanor was merely flat. She had hardly looked up since they sat down, but the officer was relieved because at least it meant they were talking. He looked around for the waitress, who was making her way back with their drinks. As she put the glasses down, she asked,

“Are we ready?” The officer replied.

“Chicken Fried Steak for the lady, with Green beans and mashed potatoes and brown gravy, and double peaches for dessert. I’ll have the big ribeye, medium rare with three eggs over medium on the side with an order of toast.” He thought it gentlemanly to order her an extra helping of something sweet.

“Can I have eggs too.” Seth unexpectedly spoke with mild eagerness.

“Of course.” Mike answered

“Two eggs over medium with toast, Thank you.” The waitress nodded and smiled at her taking the menus.

“I’m Annie- If you need anything else, just ask.”

“I’m going to wash my hands. Are you going to be here when I get back.” Mike half kidded with Seth as he started up.

“No.” He stopped dead. “I want to wash up too. It’ll take me longer, so you will be back before I will.”

“Then we will go together.” She hopped off the seat, and he led her to the restroom area. He washed his hands quickly and waited by the water fountain, feeling perhaps that it was inappropriate for him not to escort her given the situation.

“What’s her story?” The waitress that had been serving them stopped as she passed and asked in a gossipy whisper. He shrugged gently.

“We aren’t sure exactly, her mom was killed in that explosion this morning out there at that medical research place. They found her unharmed under the near-dead body of a known criminal. He’s in the hospital, and he can’t say much at the moment. No idea why he was there or why she and her mom were there. No other family. We don’t even know her exact age or last name. Just waiting for child services so we can put her somewhere safe and figure out this mess.”

“Poor baby. If I was lucky enough to have a sweet girl like that, I’d never leave her side.”

“I get the feeling that she has been well cared for, she seems smart and has her wits about her. I haven’t seen her cry a single tear. She’s clearly sad, but maybe it just isn’t real yet.”

“I hope she gets a good place to stay, she’s been through so much.”

“Say, Annie, do you keep crayons or anything around? We might be here a while.”

“I’ll see if I can rustle up something.”

“Thanks.” He smiled and watched her as she left.

Meanwhile, alone for the first time, Seth was in front of a mirror. Solitude for the first time since her mom had brushed her hair yesterday. She looked at herself as she washed her hands, then realizing that her arms needed cleaning to she washed to her elbows. A splash of water landed on her cheek, and she wiped that away only to discover the thickness of the red Arizona earth on her face as well. She cupped her hands and washed her face and neck, tiny rivulets of muddy water dripped from her hairline, staining the donated shirt she wore. Her hair was so dirty the grime still shook from it. Impulsively, she began to let the sink fill. Her whole head plunged as much under the faucet would allow. Cold water sent trickles of muddy stains onto the cartoon shirt she had been given.

Outside in the hallway, mike had gotten worried and knocked on the door, pushing it slightly open. “Seth?” She was startled, caught up in her attempt to clean up as best she could. She had forgotten that someone was waiting.

“Uh.. Yes” She stammered… “I’m just so dirty… my hair…” By this time, he had his head in the door. He saw her on the counter, trying to put her head in the sink. “I’ll hurry.”

“No, No… take your time… it’s ok, I just wanted to make sure you were ok.” The waitress passed by again herself headed to the restroom.

“Is she ok?”

“Yea, she just wanted to clean up. I guess she tried to wash her hair...” He was embarrassed that he hadn’t realized she might have wanted to do that.

“I’ll be right back.” The waitress scurried off. Returning with a souvenir shirt, a towel, and a brush. “Y’alls food will be out next. Don’t worry I’ll bring her to the table.” She went into the bathroom.

“Hi sweety, its Annie, Can I help? I brought you a towel and a clean shirt.” Seth turned to see Annie standing there, desperate to help her. Seth relented internally, admitting she needed help. She twisted and dangled a leg off the counter and let herself back down. The waitress looked at her soaked dirty shirt. “Ok let’s start by using this” gesturing to the charity shirt “to sop some of this stuff on you. We can use it as a washcloth.” Seth put her hands up, and the waitress peeled it off over her head and thrust it into the water-filled sink. Her hair tumbled, still not clean but now shining dark auburn again nearly black but not quite. Cleverly Seth had used some of the hand soap which smelled like cherries and had done a fair job of getting her hair at least a clean feeling. Annie produced a brush from her apron and gave her a look. “Want me to try to pull this through your hair?” Seth’s heart felt like it was hemorrhaging.

The only one to ever brush her hair was her mom. For the first time, she felt like crying and just couldn’t speak. She felt her face redden, and sinuses sting with tears. She held back and managed to nod a little. She kept her eyes closed as Annie made quick gentle work of her hair into a neat braid. For a time with her eyes closed, Seth pretended nothing had changed, and this was her mom just fixing her hair after a bath.

She opened her eyes. Annie set down the brush and pulled the wet shirt from the sink. She wrung it out and began to use it to wipe away errant muddy streaks from her face and neck. Then turned her around and patted her back. “There now that must feel better.” Seth nodded. Annie tossed the shirt in the trash and pulled another shirt from her apron. “See, now this one is clean and will fit you properly.” Seth managed a pleasant, grateful face. Annie popped it on over her head. “Ok, arms out.” She held the sleeves up, and Seth was dressed again. “There.” Annie smiled. “Are you hungry?” Seth nodded again.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it, sweety. It’s my pleasure. I wish I had a sweet girl like you.”

“I’m sure you will-- one day, maybe two.”

“First, I need a man. Come on.” The waitress headed for the door, and Seth followed her back to the table. The trip to the bathroom had brightened her mood as well, and she indeed was hungry. She hadn’t eaten since noon the previous day, so despite her shattering grief, she was almost weak with hunger. She climbed into the booth and grabbed her water glass, draining it immediately. Then she eyed the milk the officer had ordered for her.

“Go ahead, I got it for you.” She took the glass and drank more slowly this time as relief poured into her belly. Annie still had not left the table.

“I’ll bring another with your food,” She winked at Mike and left to the kitchen.

“You look like you feel better.” He motioned to his face in a half-hearted chivalrous compliment. She breathed in as she moved the glass from her mouth and, after exhaling again, took another drink of milk and set the empty glass down.

“I do.” She seemed deep in thought, but Mike was desperate to glean some information from her, not knowing how or where to start or even if it was a good idea to probe her memory. He had no idea if she knew anything of use to the investigation or if she was just caught in the middle. He had heard from the department psychologist that it was possible to confuse their memories if you questioned them too quickly or gave the wrong kind of questions. Lucky Annie had returned with the food and more milk. Soon they were both eating their respective meals in silence.

He was still working his way through the ribeye when she broke the silence.

“Kinda old to be a rookie?” He stopped mid-bite.

“Well I was in the military, so not really a rookie.” He continued to eat. Alert now that she had broken the silence. She shrugged.

“The way the detective talked to you.”

“Fitch? That’s just the way he is. He’s been like that for at least all the time I’ve known him.”

“Fitch.” She finished the last bite of her peaches and scanned her empty plates. “Seems like somewhere in there, he’s a nice guy.”

“He is. Mostly.” He realized she had eaten every bite of food on her plate. “Are you still hungry? You can order more if you want.” She stretched, looking pensive.

“I’ll wait a while.” She looked off, out the window. “So, what was that place?” He sputtered a bit into his water, not expecting her direct question. Now he was on the spot. “Where you were in the military…” relief……

“Iraq. I was in the Marines in Iraq. I had been in almost 4 years when they sent me, and I was part of the first wave in February. I had planned on renewing but…” He trailed off.

“That wasn’t that long ago.”

“Yea, well, I had to come back in a hurry, and I didn’t renew my contract. I got fast-tracked at the academy because I already had a degree in criminal justice that put me here. I’ve been with the department a couple months.” He breathed slowly, relieved that he hadn’t had to broach the topic of the explosion, wincing mentally, remembering what had brought him home so quickly. He realized she was still looking at him, expecting him to keep talking. When he didn’t she started.

“You know, I’m sad about my mom. I don’t know what I’m going to do or what will happen, but she’s still with me. I can feel her in my veins and voice my ears and her smell in my nose. You know that feeling?”

“I do, actually.” They both sat there just thinking quietly when the silence was interrupted by Annie, who had brought cherry pie and ice cream for both of them.

“Hey I just wanted you too to have some of this good home food on the house. I’ve got some colors and paper here too if you wanted to stay busy. Just in case you are here for a while.”

“Thanks Annie, can I have some more coffee too?”

“Sure, Can I get you anything, sweety?” She squatted to Seth’s level.

“Water” She said quietly.

“You got it. Be right back.” This time it was Mike’s turn to ask something.

“So” He said between bites of pie. “Can you tell me anything about you? Or your mom? Anything?”

“My birthday is new years day, 1985, and Mom’s name is Adelaide.” The officer pulled out a note pad and started to jot down those details. “We were traveling in an RV. I’ve never been to school or in the care of anyone other than my mother. I don’t know anything about my dad, only that my mom thought about him a lot, but never talked about him. I think they used to send each other messages or something, but I have no idea where or how or when.”