The Double Sided Leo

Like a psycho down the street, I fight with myself for supremacy. Constantly feeling like life is only worth the people you’re surrounded by. Struggling for content in self I become an imposter of my immortal being. Fighting for dominance my brain overworks itself to burnout resulting in a drained vessel. Drained of drive, drained of life. You fight through the pain in hopes it flies away but as Kirby turned to stone, it drives you down to the cobblestone. You get lost in individuality where medication and people, constantly reminding you of who you are and exposing what you lack.

You compare yourself to those familiar to feel a sense of inclusivity but fail when your investment is more than 50. I pick myself from past failures to make it through the day. I put on a smile and make it to work. Distraction and self-validation are key. Racing for something good, I end up finding pleasure in music. Alone and secluded, music becomes a perfect reflection of this double-sided Leo. A prideful specimen who doesn’t back down from a challenge. A positive influencer who masters the art of SelfLove. Working on creating a vibe of celebration and purity for oneself. The life of the party, the one in the group with the knowledge and experience. The biggest outlook on life with an understanding of the darkness that’s inside.

The reality of this double-sided Leo is that the other side is just as prideful. Born of darkness, raised by light. Exposed by criticism and poisoned by ridicule and self-hate. This side takes pride in self-sabotage. Slowly pushing people away due to the fear of hurt. Second-guessing decisions and actions of others without hesitation. Developing phobias and learning disabilities that prevent your own growth from blossoming naturally. Confessions of innocence become second nature and letting those close get too close becomes instinct.

Shedding some light or pouring some blood. You sometimes don’t know which side it will land on. Like jokers lie I show a hand of possibilities when in fact the fight inside tries its best to test my immunity. Ironic enough we build the perfect defense from outsiders. Prepare yourself so the other side cannot penetrate. Blockage from the weak and strength against the many. Consistency is key until determination rises. Unable to give in or accept defeat. The tenacity to bulldoze walls and eliminate the shield that is.

Revealing the natures of the two. Exposure and negative reinforcement only fuel what’s never new. Lost in you like a never-ending river, waiting for a crack or shine to break this mirror. For too long this double-sided Leo has grown in strength. Where emotions rules above all. Memories become weapons and anxiety is the battlefield. Under the fallen sky the beauty and rage are eminent for when the skies turn to grey and the rain floods the land, all that remains is the evening hate with the tears of the fallen.

You tear me down and then you pick me up. You take it all until it’s not enough. I try to tell you to heal me but I keep bleeding. After all of this, I’m still the one fleeing. This double-sided Leo takes pride where it hasn’t been taken before. In search of something that cant be replaced. In hopes that this isn’t his fate. Like a time-turner or a star of the night. A consistent action won’t quench this might. For people and love is what forms a change. Loyal and reliable helps change the game. Kind and positive with no judgment or vain. So this double-sided Leo isn’t in a cycle of pain and gain.