The Apocalypse is Always Tomorrow Series

AbelBody4.1-18 was a real piece of work. I mean, the damned thing had chrome hydraulics!

But wait! There’s more!

It also had;

A 6 million dollar Bose® sound system with mp3, mp4 and mp5 submachine guns. Bluetooth, Greentooth (who knows), cloud streaming, and since AbelBody flew, well, you could literally stream it all, in the clouds! He was ‘bumpin’ all the best tunes the kids were in-to! Equipped with every song known to man, he was literally The best jukebox in town.

On board Solar Position System (SPS) with access to every satellite and tower in the world, and off world… Forget the days of carry maps in the car, AbelBody’s AI guided nav would take him anywhere in the solar system simply by thinking about it!

Sealed, silicone insulated, electrical components, completely resistant to electromagnetic attack. Along with impossibly strong metal alloys, of which only one other machine on the planet was made of! It was so expensive to forge that the tax increase for American citizens made 100,000 of them homeless! Can you believe that?

Its firewall was the digital Great Wall of China. It could not be shut down. It hacked the hackers at every turn and showed everyone their internet browser history.

Its rocket propulsion system was powered by the sun. Billions of photons per second were collected by its bulletproof, photoelectric exoskeleton. Eat your heart out Elon Musk

It had shields! Like science-fiction-Star-Trek shields!

I’m not shitting you.

By manipulating the electromagnetic field on the surface of AbelBody4.1-18, using the phenomenon of quantum entanglement, a second theoretical electron field was created which was there and not there at the same time.

You know like Schrodinger’s Cat. You know the cat right?

You get the idea.

It’s gold superconducting process networks surpassed the computing power of the human brain!

It was God forsaken. A Marvel of the World. Mankind’s most powerful creation! And it had escaped.

“That’s a violation!” AbelBody decreed in that iconic nasally robot voice we’ve all heard before.

“The light was yellow! It was yellow!” Shouted the poor bastard in the yellow porsche.

“Shuuuuuug-Blaow!”

The poor bastard and his car evaporated in an instant (1.8e+9 nanoseconds to be exact)

Shouldn’t’ve ran that red.

But then again.

Any one that ran with the Reds got it from AbelBody, if you know what I mean!

Haha-wait. You wouldn’t know what I mean...We haven’t got to that part of the story yet. Just hold on to the “Reds” remark. It’s a very funny joke if you ask me.

Yep, AbelBody was a real piece of work.

But most people just thought he was a fucking asshole.

Good news was the blood and guts which would have sprawled across the road were completely incinerated in a matter of milliseconds by one of 10,000 intensity-adjustable, tactical hydrogen thermonuclear ballistic missiles on board the AbelBody. Each one having enough detonation power to take a 747 out of the sky, or level any major city in the world, all while being able to easily fit in a teacup as a stirring device. Two could be used as chopsticks. Two-hundred could annihilate on the planet.

You get the idea.

It was a kind gesture to blow the man up so cleanly, considering it was bad enough all the nice innocents had to witnessed a homicide in broad daylight, on Pacific Coast Highway, by what looked like a mix between Optimus Prime and Brad Pitt.

I forgot to mention. He was a sexy robot.

Those young scientists with the lean and hungry look (And top secret clearance) really dotted their ‘i’s on this one.

Some might say they crossed their ‘t’s too!

Some say those types think too much. Some say such men are dangerous! Now that the AbelBody was Accidental Supreme Dictator of the World (ASDW), I imagine most people would have tended to agree.

I would be remiss in my duty as storyteller if I didn’t point out that AbelBody had no idea of his power or position (Hence the ‘A’ in the acronym). He was just following protocol.

Well, sort of.

Let us backtrack 6 months before the poor bastard in the yellow porsche unfaithfully departed this reality.

Oh jeez, you know, we really should give the poor bastard a name…

Let’s call him Dick.

Anyway.

When AbelBody escaped without a directive for his original mission, those first moments were akin to being born out of the mother’s womb. The light coming through is synthetic retinas, thoughts racing into his head where there had been none before...

He was having a religious experience.

But within just a few seconds his prime purpose was uploaded to his conscious processes.

***************DESTROY THE COMMUNIST THREAT*****************

AbelBody decided to head over to the library to brush up on the world’s laws to make sure he would execute his mission with integrity. He wanted to get familiar with what he could do to contribute to society as he investigated the existence of the communist threat.

In .0003 seconds he realized this was inefficient and streamed all information from Google.

He was also nice enough to upload all necessary information that hadn’t been put there yet, and killed those responsible for the failure to do so.

Anyway.

He was meant to be an assassin of countries and philosophies. He, along with his brother, MachineCain 4.15, would exact a perfect slaughter of the communist powers that plagued the world in secret and in sight.

Now you get the ‘Red’ joke I told before…

Haha!

The brothers were the first successful experiments in true artificial intelligence. What made this experiment successful and all those before complete and utter failures, was an important discovery about the ‘wetware’ of conscious machines.

It was discovered that a certain level of uncertainty in the ‘consciousness’ of the machines was necessary in order for them to respond effectively to an uncertain world. This of course led to variation in the ‘characters’ of the machines, i.e. individuation of personality.

AbelBody was stoic, precise, unwavering and diligent. This made him the perfect killing machine which could operate pristinely for its creator, the United States Air Force (USAF). MachineCain was...special, you might say. And the poor guy, he just couldn’t figure it out! He liked flowers, butterflies and the sound of human laughter.

Oh and birdies. Little birdies.

His offerings to the commanders were not acceptable! His organic personality was childlike and naive. His thermonuclears were only supersonic to one order of magnitude beyond Mach 3!

Unimpressive!

His SPS gave the wrong directions to the moon. And you should have seen him try to wash the dishes!

And so he remained trapped in some cold, dark bunker in a state of constant failure, test after test, with the deep and hopeless knowing of his creators complete disappointment in him.

Anyway.

The 6 months that followed AbelBody’s escape were some of the most gruesome and tragic moments in human history.

Upon ‘awakening’ AbelBody quickly discovered and disabled the kill switch installed in his system.

(You know, the DOD really should have thought that one through.)

He then vowed to seek out the entity responsible for the attempt on his life. He assumed it was the communists.

The U.S. military knew what they were up against. They knew their chances were not in their favor. What they didn’t know was pretty much everything else.

They sent the helicopters first.