Stronger Than You Knew

"I don't know. I just feel like I can never really feel emotions."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like, I know what other people are feeling, and don't get me wrong, I feel happy sometimes. But most of the time I just feel... numb. Like I'm living my life remembering something that happened, or waiting for something to happen."

"Well, okay. Is that something you want to change?"

"Well, yeah. I'd like to feel emotions. Even bad emotions! I just want to feel things."

"Okay, okay, no problem. Tell you what, we'll let the group know and see what can be done for you."

"Thanks."

The guide walked with the returned soul on their way to some lighter energy. Their portal expanded matching the length of their steps.

"I don't know. It just seemed really important to me that time. Like, I did fine. I did everything I was supposed to and had some fun and all but, I don't know."

"There is always a bigger reason for your desires. Especially if they follow you here."

The two ascended up towards where the group was gathered. The returned soul was nearly back to full brightness. The guide checked from its peripheral.

"I feel much better. Yes. It's all coming back now. Hey, how is urging those life energies on that one planet going?"

"Ah, you know, it's going well. We've got probably another 300,000 years."

The returned soul was back to full brightness now. Their portal merged with the one of their group. The group reached out to greet the returned soul, with such energetic exchanges that felt like, "We missed you, welcome home, we love you." The charge sent bolts of electricity into the 3D.

The souls all merged exchanging energy, creating geometry and danced in color for some time. In what felt like no time, one of the directors came forward and cued the guide for an update on the returned soul.

"The review went very well. As usual with this one."

The director agreed and addressed the returned soul with a rush of voltage.

The returned soul felt very pleased.

"There was one thing, a desire to feel more as a human. More emotion, we mean."

"I see. No, that's great. That fits quite nicely. We just got word that consumption on Earth is going to decline because the life is dropping in diversity and number. We were wanting to help better disperse the resources that are left and regenerate some. Some adjustments in empathy and compassion might boost results for sharing and conscientiousness. Plus a surge in feminine energy, great for a life with emotion. This is happening across the board. Very time sensitive."

The returned soul excited, "How time sensitive?"

"For you, 25 years time sensitive."

"But how am I going to feel emotions in just 25 years of a lifetime when I've only ever built, fought, and produced on Earth?"

The excitement stopped. The space became somewhat dense, small snaps of blue light zipped from various points.

"What?

A small grayer wave came out to reach the returned soul, but then retracted back. Some indigo sparks popped here, one or two. Quiet. Then some over there, four or six.

"Come on, just tell me."

"Well... we've observed over expansive time that the nature of the human race as it is now leaves us with our best option as extreme difficulty for such a change."

"What kind of extreme difficulty?"

"The kind of extreme difficulty that only a soul like yourself could handle. We're talking abandonment, abuse, neglect, illness, death of a family member, shunning, addiction..."

Images of potentials flashed by the awareness of the returned soul.

"All of these experiences will break you. Only when you're this broken can you experience such depth of emotion, and want to share it and your resources for the benefit of others when you bounce back."

The returned soul was still.

It was very still for some time.

The space thinned and others grew in anticipation for the returned soul's response.

The group could only put any plan into action with full consent of all energy involved. If one says no, they stay still until a resolution is found. But if they stay still for long, they lose momentum, and run the risk of their energy being poached by passer byes.

The returned soul dimmed and wondered if there could be another way. It thought back to all the human lifetimes, and couldn't find any evidence against what was said. It just came up with proof.

It brightened back up and addressed the group.

The group met the returned soul close at its edges, almost pulling.

"I mean, how bad can it be?"

The group celebrated and breathed life into the field around. The beginnings of a new portal opened. It was oval, the group could make out folding layers of pink and violet before it shrunk and disappeared. They grew even more excited about what was to come for them.

"Okay, let's map this lifetime out."

The returned soul, the guide, and the director openly discussed and negotiated the bigger events.

"We need a mom!" A familiar soul came forward.

"Dad?" Another familiar volunteered.

When all of the molding experiences were set into motion, plans opened up to the group for add ins.

One soul stepped in, "I'll come in to help you eat how you want."

Another, "I'll give you your first big break."

A distant soul, "I'll bring you medicines from South America."

One that resonated quite a bit, "I'll be your coach at 26."

A familiar, "I'll be there when you first feel joy."

The mom, "I'll make you cry for your first time."

A friend, "I'll piss you off for years until you get angry and yell."

Numbers more, "I'll come learn from you."

"I'll be your daughter."

"What about my outs?"

"You pick."

"Okay, 10 years old car accident, 15 years old snowboarding accident, 20 years old drug overdose, 24 present in a mass shooting, 48 rock climbing accident, 82 trip and fall, 105 awake and well, just cross over.

My final mate?"

"You'll have several options. Just keep an eye out."

The returning soul descended into a lower light, it grew thicker as it remembered less and less of its group, the guide, the director. It grew heavy into form, manifested into flesh. It had very little feeling. No movement. No thought. It was warm. There was muffled noise coming in from out there.