Star Wars: 10 Lines Worse Than ‘I Don’t Like Sand’
What Did He Say?
How It All Began
Hayden Christensen uncomfortably uttered the line, ‘I don’t like sand,’ the world cringed collectively. It has since spawned memes, songs, and t-shirts, but is it really the worst line in the saga?
Although we can’t be 100% sure who is responsible for writing the line, George Lucas wrote the screenplay for Attack of The Clones with Johnathan Hales, who he met while working on The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. But I wouldn’t be in a rush to blame the new kid. As much as we love Lucas, he needed the help. He’s always had a problem with dialogue. On the set of A New Hope, Harrison Ford famously said, ‘George, you can type this s**t, but you can’t say it!’.
Luckily for Harrison, Lucas deferred writing duties on The Empire Strikes Back to Leigh Brackett. Unfortunately, due to the unfortunate death of Brackett, Kasden came on board to write The Empire Strikes Back. In addition, Kasden had fingerprints on high-profile movie scripts such as Body Heat and Raiders of The Lost Ark. Kasdan and Lucas continued on to write the screenplay for Return of the Jedi.
Despite a history of heavyweight writers, when the momentous decision was made to launch the prequels, George did most of the work. He brought Johnathan Hales on as support, but he kept his hand firmly on the rudder. Episodes I, II, and III were his babies. George is a visionary, he created an entire universe and broke boundaries, but someone should have taken the pen out of his hand before Boss Nass’ dialogue was passed to the printer.
For the sequels, Lucasfilm President Kathleen Kennedy hired then quickly fired Michael Arndt. Taking his place, Lawrence Kasden joined JJ Abrams to work out the story arc for The Force Awakens. Michael had been recruited as a two-time Oscar winner (Little Miss Sunshine and Toy Story 3) to write the script for the film, but the silverware didn’t impress Lucasfilm. He was canned in favor of Kasden and Abrams, who delivered the final version.
Rian Johnson wrote The Last Jedi himself when he was given directorial duties. He had the luxury of a completely free reign from Lucasfilm but did get the nod from both Abrams and Kennedy before proceeding to film. After this movie split audiences down the middle, Disney decided to crack down and caused as close to a riot as you can get on Twitter. They wanted a safe pair of hands for the next movie, a writer with a history of good narrative and solid blockbusters. Unfortunately, they were all out to lunch, so someone hired the man who gave us Batman v Superman instead, Chris Terrio.
There’s bad dialogue throughout the saga. ‘I don’t like sand’ is the tip of the iceberg. As entertaining as it is to watch Hayden squirm through that speech, it’s not even close to being the worst line. There are plenty of occasions where we watch the quality castings wretch out impossible phrasings or cheesy dialogue and desperately try to make it sound sincere. It’s why we love the prequels so much.
10. "That’s how we’re going to win. Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love."
Poor Kelly Marie Tran. She did her best, but nothing could make this believable.
9. "Around the survivors, a perimeter create."
This is the worst use of Yoda-speak in the whole saga. He sounds like a broken robot, and you can almost see Samuel L Jackson wince.
8. "Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise."
7. "Let’s go, Chrome Dome!"
Four words and the dramatic tension are completely destroyed.
6. "Are you an angel?"
Unfortunately, most of the worst dialogue is reserved for Anakin. Jake Lloyd was eight years younger than Natalie Portman when he had to spout these bad chat-up lines.
5. "They fly now? They fly now!"
Star Wars attempted humor, failed, and no one felt the need to cut the scene for some reason.
4. All the dialogue between Padme and Anakin in her family home.
We couldn’t pick just one cringe line out of this scene. However, there are such gems as ‘I wish that I could just wish away my feelings and ‘I’m haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. Please let us know if anyone has ever tried this in a bar.
3. "I’ll try spinning, that’s a good trick."
We’ve included the original, but if you love a Star Wars meme, this is a rabbit hole you can disappear down. It’s one of the most parodied lines in the saga.
2. "You’re so beautiful – It’s only because I’m so in love – No, it’s because I’m so in love with you."
You hang up first. No, you hang up first. Same energy.
1. Every word uttered by Boss Nass on screen.
I know people hate Jar Jar, but he at least attempts to be funny. Unfortunately, even the consummate professional, Brian Blessed can’t rescue this Gungan. It’s easily worse than ‘I don’t like sand.’
Written by Louise Parnell
Syndicated from Culture Slate