Space Scares Me: "Gravity"

Spoilers for "Gravity" (2013) ahead

I love sci-fi. I'm a huge Trekkie. The endless possibilities of the universe excite me. I love horror: books, games, movies, everything. When you smash outer space and horror together I become an absolute wreck. It doesn't take much. The first time I heard David Bowie's "Space Oddity" I nearly had a panic attack. I was only able to keep it together because I was in public and my mother was with me.

Because I love sci-fi and horror, and because I'm in a place in my life where I need very strong distractions, I'm going to work my way through all the movies I wished I would watch but I've been too afraid. In the heydey of Tumblr, I would have "liveblogged" my experience. Nowadays people "live tweet" as they watch something happen in the world. If you'll bear with me, I think I'm going to do that sort of thing here. I mention this upfront because I'll be discussing my feelings about the film in a mostly chronological order rather than organizing them thematically. Just a heads-up.

I'm starting with "Gravity" because it's a drama that just happens to be in space rather than a space horror. I've consumed enough media that nothing really surprises me if I'm thinking about it, but I'm such a squishy bag of meat and emotions that a good story will make me sob anyway. I expect to feel sick with space-fear, and I expect to cry at least once.

How long does it take the conflict to begin, about five minutes? I felt ill as soon as the debris hit. From here on out, my perception of time was very screwy. Explosions happened quickly, movement happened slowly, and my reality sped up and slowed down along with it. I also love/hate the detail shared early on about the sudden death of Ryan's young daughter. Life changes extremely fast, but when it does it can feel like you're in slow motion.

The one thing I think everyone knows about "Gravity" is that George Clooney ends up floating away. I had no idea that it was going to happen so early in the runtime. I guess I was expecting it to be a more traditional relationship-driven plot. Actually, that's what I was hoping it was. I was hoping I would get a thrilling but not-too-out-there relationship drama in space that would end in the couple being torn away from each other. Silly me, this is a space movie about being alone in space, the exact thing that scares me abolut this whole genre. (Note to self: write "Titanic In Space")

When Ryan finally makes her way "indoors" she immediately wriggles out of her space suit to give herself room to breathe. Sandra Bullok suspended in the fetal position in front of a circular hatch with a free-floating hose as an umbilical cord is not a subtle image, but it is very pretty and soothing. I felt some relief in that moment as well. Also providing relief throughout the film are the small, miscellenious objects floating in the foreground. These focal points are grounding when the situation is strange or intense. Like when Matt insists that Ryan focus on anything she can see, I'm focusing on any one thing that takes me away from the fear for a moment.

While the two were outside, Matt was cool-headed for Ryan's sake. Ryan was out of her element and panicking. Matt had the experience and demeanor to help her survive. Once on board the ISS Ryan attempts to contact Matt, now able to echo that tone. There is no reply either from Matt or from Earth, which is predictable but still a bit gut-wrenching for me. She dearly wants to reciprocate the life-saving effort he made for her, but she is alone.

Next up, there's a fire on board and Ryan gets flung around while trying to use a fire extinguisher. This is the first time, and probably not anywhere near the last time in "Space Scares Me", that I am reminded of a video game called "Dead Space". "Dead Space" is one of the most tightly crafted and terrifying horror games of all time, and it scared the pants off of me when I first played it. The protagonist of the series, Isaac, often meets with gruesome ends while being flung around space and/or a spaceship. He also has a flamethrower. So, space fire + getting flung into a wall by physics = memories of the scariest space media I've consumed to date.

The undocking scene made me feel ill again. It was intense to see the parachute before Ryan does and understand that she's about to be flung around space yet again. I think knowing what's about to happen with my layman's concept of physics is scarier than the spinning and drifting that follows.

Ryan makes radio contact with a man on Earth who speaks a language she doesn't understand. This scene absolutely destroyed me. This is where I cried. I think it's the most inspired scene of the film. Most of the writing in "Gravity" is good, but the flavor of good that I've come to expect from competent Hollywood writing. The premise of this moment is already strong: she is alone and space and she's made contact with another human. The details: the language, the man's amused tone of voice, the sounds of dogs and a baby, and Sandra Bullock's expressive face walking through a full spectrum of emotions. It's one of those things that after seeing it, I go, "damn, I wish I'd written that!"

Next, Ryan gives up hope and, dramatically, Matt joins her inside the shuttle. My note for this scene reads: "There is no way Matt's alive. This cannot be real. I've consumed too much media to believe that this isn't a hallucination." Even though it's a predictable move, it works emotionally. It makes sense for Ryan to experience a hallucination of Matt that inspires her to go on. But coming on the heels of such an amazing moment with the radio, the jarring shift in tone didn't land with me. Sorry-not-sorry, I guess.

With the movie turning towards optimism, I became less anxious and less focused. I started to feel like I had experienced all the emotions I was going to have and now was just along for the ride. I was further taken out of the moment when Ryan, a scientist in space who knows the names of the things in orbit, doesn't know how to pronounce "Shenzhou." I considered that she might just not know it, but then Houston also mispronounces it. Hollywood needs to learn to Google Chinese.

The last dose of "feelings" for the movie came when Ryan asked Matt to relay a message to her daughter in the afterlife. It's another cliché moment, but Sandra Bullock's performance sold it to me. It can be very powerful to hear a character give voice to their personal growth when it's done right. Finally, Ryan makes it back to Earth alive. We get one last helping of the least subtle imagery possible as she makes her way into the water, shakes off her gear, and is "reborn", gasping her first breath of Earth's air and taking first steps onto land, walking forward toward her new life. The scene is a solid landing for the story, pardon the pun.

I survived the first space movie of my journey. It was exhausting. "Gravity" is roughly 90 minutes in length, and I didn't even cry that much, but I felt like I had just read an entire book in one sitting. But, it was nice. "Gravity" is visually stunning with long takes, great CGI, a tight story and excellent performances. It's truly more than the sum of its parts. I'm glad I finally got that out of the way, but I'm not quite ready to jump into horror yet. I've got "The Martian" up next. Until next time, enjoy the feeling of your feet on the ground.