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Solving Climate Change

Political Satire

By Matthew DawsonPublished 4 years ago 4 min read
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Mawson Research Station

David Whitaker plugged in his new Samsung Galaxy S9 into his phone charger, thinking it may be the last chance he got to charge his phone for a few days. Ever since the Australian Government introduced its latest Green Scheme back home, its cuts to greenhouse emissions were being felt in all Australian owned territories, including Mawson Research Station at the South Pole. I mean here they were in the South Pole, one of the coldest places on the planet, and the Australian Government wanted to make sure they weren’t contributing to the global warming phenomenon sweeping the globe.

How ridiculous, thought David, the biggest polluters on the planet were still churning out their greenhouse gasses, partially fuelled by Australia’s own coal exports and here was the Government worrying about the emissions from the coldest place it owned. Having plugged in his phone, he fired up his laptop to check on the South Poles very own coal powered energy station about 10 kilometres away. It was time to go and check it out in person, which unfortunately meant he’d have to drive there. He could have taken the energy efficient hovercraft, but he opted for the inefficient diesel-powered Toyota Land Cruiser that chugged through its fuel at a rate of about 10 kilometres for every litre consumed. Lucky, he had duel tanks otherwise he’d have to refuel a lot more often than he currently did which of course would be ludicrous.

As he fired up the big diesel engine and left it running for a few minutes to get the heater going, he thought about all the emissions he was sending up into the atmosphere and laughed. He was sure that the Government’s latest scheme would once again achieve the wonderful results they were hoping for. They had decided to plunge $1.15 billion into this latest scheme that hoped to give financial incentives to businesses, landowners and others who reduce carbon emissions through projects such as planting trees, installing more efficient appliances or managing bushfires. I mean, just think about how much of an impact all of those initiatives will have on our emissions as a country.

Yet, the Government was insisting on closing down the last coal powered energy station it owned just outside its only South Pole base, Mawson Research Station. Everyone knows that the South Pole is expanding every ten years. David could see the ice cap getting larger every year. Thankfully, the Government was still paying them all to be there and was still funding all their important scientific research projects. Of course, their projects were mainly based around trying to prove that global warming was an alarmist theory dreamt up by the left side of politics and of course the Greens, hoping to make themselves more relevant than they really are. As of just this year, his team of specialists on ice flow movement and ice core studies in and around the South Pole had resulted in some incredible research outcomes, that proved that global warming was non-existent. Which proved that the Government continuing to pay them salaries to investigate the phenomenon of global warming was rather counter-productive.

Fortunately, the solar and wind power stations due to be built on an alternative site near the South Pole had yet to be finished, otherwise he might be temporarily without a job. His speciality being coal powered power plants in extreme environments was a very specialised job and it might be impossible to find work if the Government finally decided to shut down the coal powered station near Mawson, if the Government hadn’t funded his own upskilling in scientific research. David had trained under the illustrious Professor Alastair Gore who taught half the time in the United States and half the time in Antarctica, taking a keen interest in any of his students that wanted to look further into the phenomenon of global warming. So, David went through the motions and was a model student, despite not believing any of the alarmists’ viewpoints about global warming at all. Weren’t there a whole lot of scientists that said we were approaching another ice-age? As far as David was aware from his extensive meteorological experience, the weather this year was a lot colder in Australia and indeed the South Pole than it had been in previous years.

All of this passed through David’s overactive mind, as he waited for his fuel hungry Toyota to heat up, given the average temperature at Mawson was -21 Degrees Celsius in July. He thought it would be a shame to have to close down the power plant near the South Pole after it had been successfully operation for over 50 years. Fuelled by regular shipments of coal from mainland Australia on massive ice-breakers that guzzled diesel like it was going out of fashion. However, he could see why it was in the Government’s firing line. Their latest policy was so absurdly useless that shutting down the Mawson Power Station might actually be something useful and productive. Or perhaps it was just another publicity stunt in the effort to fight global warming. Who would know with politics these days, thought David, as he put the tired old Toyota into gear. He thought his trusty Landcruiser was a bit like the current crop of politicians, expensive to keep, full of hot exhaust and probably should already be retired out of service. Well at least their latest policies would make a difference. He chuckled again as the power station came into site on the horizon.

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