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Sensitive as a Cancer

by Lanessa Hickman 2 months ago in astronomy

Embracing what was shamed, loving what was forgotten, protecting what was abandoned.

I was once ashamed of my zodiac sign. Cancers had a reputation for being moody, sensitive, and frequent criers. I thought "No way that applies to me. I don't cry in public! I'm a tough cookie!"

You see, my mother is a Gemini– peppy, extroverted, talkative. She exalts beauty and personality above the inner self, which is all too painful for her to bear. So I learned to take on the qualities of the sign before me. Hide.

My grandmother is a Sagittarius. Known for their wild, free spirits and pure fire. Sagittarius' love to travel and will find adventure wherever they go. She was astounding and awe-inspiring, until one day she was broken. With her fire extinguished, instead of traveling around the world, she only ran away from herself. So I learned to do the same. Run.

Your moon sign represents your inner world and your emotions. My moon is in Pisces, the last of the zodiac. My inner being has mostly felt like an amalgamation of circumstances and happenings, none of my own creation. Then again, Pisces takes on attributes from each sign in the zodiac because it is the final sign. Maybe that's why it became so easy for me to run and hide.

Like my foremothers.

My rising is in Libra, the sign of balance and beauty. Ruled by Venus and at home in the wind, my rising gave me a connection to my air sign mother that might have been impossible otherwise. My rising sign equipped me with the power to ignore the stirrings of my water-based body and appear closer to those around me than I actually was. Pretend.

My Venus is in Leo. My love requires attention. It requires focus. It requires a desire to transcend a crush, and make me a fantasy instead. Your trophy. Love is what I've craved for so long. I tire myself climbing an endless ladder because more success means more love, but eventually I plateau. The love never lasts and I search for a stronger hit of success.

But what happens when you get tired of pretending? When the sins of your mothers are no longer good excuses for your own? And your feet are tired of running? And all your hiding spots have been found out? And all you have to run to is you?

Well, you can deny it at first. Tell yourself: (see paragraph one). You can let the world convince you that your emotions are "too much". Allow yourself to be convinced that it's better to ignore your pain and ever- evolving needs. To conceal how you really feel, burying it deep in the trenches of your psyche, never to be exposed until it lurches you out of your soul like a mother bird feeding her babies poison.

But there is always another choice. If you want, you can embrace your true self with open arms, as you would anyone who needs to be seen, heard, and felt. When I exhausted all my options I turned to myself. I greeted her with compassionate understanding, and held space for her vulnerability.

Once I accepted this, I washed away the beautiful facade, and witnessed the birth of the moon. A ruby-red shell, smooth as pearl, glamorous and sparkling like emerald caressed her soft, fleshy insides. I am the ultimate human experience– feeling every emotion, embracing every adventure, holding onto the parts I love, and letting the parts I don't bounce off my protective layer.

Now, I love being a Cancer. I see the value in being fiercely loyal to not only my friends, but to myself. Being the only sign ruled by the moon isn't easy, but I am blessed to know that I was strong enough to be given this bountiful curse.

astronomy
Lanessa Hickman
Lanessa Hickman
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Lanessa Hickman
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