Ranking The Worst ‘Star Wars’ Romances

Irvin Kershner once said that a kiss in Star Wars is the equivalent of a sex scene in other movies. It is true that the saga is not necessarily best known for its big romances. It took Han and Leia one and a half movies before they finally admitted that they were in love, and the relationship between the princess and the scoundrel is arguably the best and most convincing romance of the whole saga.

So, today we are going to talk about some of the worst romances of Star Wars.

RELATED: Ranking The Best 'Star Wars' Romances

Before we begin, it is important to give some context. First, all the couples mentioned here are part of current Star Wars cannon. The books and comics of the old Expanded Universe included some rather far-fetched relationships, like that between Kit Fisto and Aalya Secura, but that is a topic for another day.

Second, we are talking only about actual romances. Finn might have had a crush on Rey in The Force Awakens and Lux Bonteri might have been interested in being more than a friend to Ahsoka Tano, but these were no romances. Neither were Jyn Erso and Cassian Andor ever in a romantic relationship.

Third and most important. What is “worst?” This article is not about the negative consequences that arose from a romance. The ending of Romeo and Juliet was a tragic, but no one would call it a bad romance. “Worst” is also not necessarily meant as how the romance was portrayed by the lovers. Some of the entries in the following list come from animated series or even comics, where the ability of the “actors” cannot be measured.

“Worst” in the sense we are talking here today refers to how believable or convincing it is for the audience that these two beings will fall in love. More generally speaking, is it a good idea in the first place to put these two together.

So, let’s begin with the elephant in the room:

Padme And Anakin

It is easy to deem the lovebirds from the prequel trilogy as the worst couple of the entire saga. A 9-year-old boy was flirting with a teenage Padme. Then a 19-year-old Anakin was desperately trying to make Padme fall in love with him by delivering cringe-worthy lines. Later on, a young senator from Naboo was constantly rejecting the advances of her Jedi protector while wearing seductive attire at the same time until she rather suddenly decided to fall in love with him after all.

Yes, it is easy to rank this as the worst romance in the whole Star Wars. In fact, it is also too easy for several reasons. Their love story is merely a means to an end: making the existence of Luke and Leia possible, and adding to the downfall of Anakin Skywalker.

With George Lucas setting The Phantom Menace 10 years before Attack of the Clones and making Anakin a little boy, there was hardly a chance to develop their relationship over a longer period of time. Lucas was also no people director and so Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen were probably left to their own devices when it came to portraying a believable relationship in Attack of the Clones. “Faster, more intense” might not be a suitable command for directing a romance.

As stated above, this article is neither about the consequences of a romance (which were indeed very, very bad), nor about the quality of the acting (which was far from great, but not necessarily because of the lack of skills from Portman and Christensen), but about the believability of Anakin and Padme to fall in love. In this respect, it is not one of the worst romances of Star Wars.

But now on to our actual ranking:

5. Doctor Aphra And All Her Lovers

The character of Dr. Chelli Aphra is a fan favorite with good reason. She is charming, passionate, and has a (strange) sense of humor. It is no wonder that she has hardly any problems picking up lovers wherever she went: Sana Staros (who also had a fake and short-lived marriage with Han Solo), Doctor Eustacia Okka (a fellow archaeologist), or the Imperial officer Magna Tolvan (with whom Aphra had an affair although they were on different sides). The problem is that Aphra tended to be an egomaniac jerk and so her relationships usually ended with a big mess and broken hearts. Still, when Aphra later met one of her old flames, they often fell for her again even though it is obvious that it would not end well.

4. Rey And Kylo Ren

It seems obvious that the main female and the main male character of the sequel trilogy would come together in the end, thus satisfying the desire of countless so called “Reylos.” Unlike Han and Leia or Anakin and Padme, these two were on very different sides (of the Force). Kylo killed Rey’s first mentor, Han Solo, and later her second, Luke Skywalker. He nearly completely wiped out the Resistance and offered her a place beside him so that they could rule the galaxy through terror and fear. Despite her hatred for Kylo Ren, Rey rather abruptly developed feelings for him, preserved their Force bond, healed him, and even kissed him in the end. Their relationship is quite far fetched, considering their past.

3. L3-37 And Lando Calrissian

For someone who is so clearly characterized as a womanizer as Lando Calrissian, it is more than strange that this man would have a relationship with a female droid. L3-37 was a feisty and sarcastic droid that regarded herself as superior to Lando, whose ego was not small either. Still the two seemed to get along and Lando was devastated when she sacrificed herself. Solo – A Star Wars Story had some clever ideas for the backstory of Han and Lando, but putting the latter into a relationship with a droid is probably not one of them.

2. Ziro The Hutt And Sy Snootles

Stemming from the early days of The Clone Wars, the perception of romance between a big purple Hutt with tattoos and a yellow green ball with thin legs and blood-red lips on a long snout is something to wake you up in the middle of the night. The idea of creating the Star Wars version of a mob boss and his bar singer girlfriend is not necessarily wrong, but the decision to hook up these two characters and species definitely is. Snootles must have thought the same as she later killed her (ex-)lover on the order of Jabba the Hutt.

1. Queen Julia Of Bardotta And Jar Jar Binks

The Clone Wars series did a lot to change the perception of Jar Jar Binks from a bumbling idiot to a not all that bright but still useful member of the Republic Senate. Some of these efforts worked quite well. Others did not, however, like the seeming love affair between the Gungan and the Queen of Bardotta. The series never explained how these two got to meet and even fell in love with each other, nor what attracted the seemingly intelligent and self-confident queen to someone like Jar Jar. Fans did not seem to understand that too, as their relationship was received quite poorly. Thus, both Queen Julia and the romance with her “Romeo” was never brought up again.

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Written By Gerald Petschk

Syndicated From Culture Slate

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