Pulvis et umbra sumus

“Humans like money, don’t you?”

Three years, three years together and those were his last words.

Money…

Maxime looked at the ceiling fan, he looked at the blades and blankly let his gaze be entertained by the white vanes. He rolled over to the side of the bed and touched the cold marble. Twenty thousand dollars and he was gone. Gone like he arrived. Like a lighting bringing back the day in the night sky he appeared and just like a thunder he disappeared, the echo of his presence reverberating inside Maxime’s memory.

Max stretched his arms and legs like a cat.

“Why do humans behave like animals sometimes?” Ere asked, perplexed.

“What do you mean by animals?” Max replied, wrapping his arms around the man. “You answered a question with another question. Answer me.” His lips thinned, his jaw contracted. The entirety of his body became a single block of granite. Max always liked teasing him. He was always so serious, with an impenetrable look and an aura of darkness and death surrounding him.

Max kissed Erebus’s neck and felt the muscles in his shoulders relax.

“I’m not dead yet. I can do whatever I want” Maxime whispered.

The human gave the creature a name, Ere, shorter for Erebus. Max giggled. Ere hated it, but Max thought it did fit quite well.

Just like the white blanket wrapped around his body, Maxime shook the memory of Erebus off himself and walked to the veranda. At first he didn’t want the money, he didn’t want anything that had to do with him, but rejection became conflict and later acceptance. He took the money and used it to travel.

When he got to the agency they proposed him all sorts of fancy exclusive destinations, but he didn’t like the idea of being surrounded by people more powerful than him. At least not anymore. So he chose a charming, affordable villa by the beach on a tiny island in the middle of the Aegean sea. There was nothing around him for miles, just rocks and water.

Max opened the window and let the salty breeze surround and envelop him. He took a deep breath and wondered if Ere would always be haunting his memory whit his penetrating eyes and his gentle touch.

“I can’t call you by your real name. Imagine what people would think of me.” Maxime told him laying in bed.

“You are a complex creature. You try so hard to create your own individual taste, your preferences”. His voice was low, he sounded so serious. “And yet, the judgment of a stranger terrifies you into conforming to a society you worked so hard to separate from”.

Erebus alway hit the spot where it hurt the most. His cold hand caressed Max’s cheek. “I’m sorry. I still have a lot to learn”. He leaned forward and kissed him.

Sometimes Max thought he would melt way under one of those kisses, or better he thought he would burn until there was nothing left of him but a pile of ashes.

He closed his eyes and breathed in once more. He needed his impartial clarity, he needed a plan. He still had some money left. Enough money to cover his expenses until he could find a new job. But he had the opportunity to travel more, experience new places, make new friends, fall in love again.

Money, once again taunting him, demanding with impatience where it would be spent. Stomping its foot, reminding Max of the choices he had to make, of the responsibilities he held, of the life that could have been and the life that would never be. That money was a curse, he didn’t want to travel, nor fall in love again. He only wanted to be with him. But they weren’t mean to be.

“Are there others like you around?” Max once asked. They were sat in a small cafe, sipping coffee from discoloured mugs. A chipped plate full of biscuits separated them.

“Like me? No. From my species, yes.” Ere stared into the cup and took a sip. “My people came here under my orders to gather informations about you humans.” He concluded.

“What for?” Maxime was curious. He had met the stranger a week earlier in a club. He got drunk with Erebus and then saw him change. There was no way he would have let such a powerful creature out of his sight. Maybe it was selfish, but the stranger was a rupture from the monotony of everyday life. A new fancy toy to play with.

Max was walking down the rocky path leading to the beach. Green and yellow lichens coloured the stones creating a natural mosaic that covered the surrounding area. It was breathtaking. The untamed nature, untouched by humans.

“Humans are gross, I would never even touch one”. Erebus’ words resonated inside of him. Max fell onto the ground. He was sweating, he felt sick. If Erebus hated humans so much, then why would he have said all those things. Was their relationship some sort of experiment? An experiment to see how humans reacted to emotional pain.

“Then why are you laying in bed with me”? Maxime asked him.

Erebus’ reply was fading. Maxim could see his mouth moving, but he couldn’t remember what he said.

“You still haven’t told me who you are”. Max was lying in bed, Ere was caressing his back, following Max’s vertebrae. He kissed him between his scapulae.

“I can’t do that, and you know it.” When Ere smiled his cold, dark-brown eyes lit up and turned a bright hazel.

“Tell me that story again then” Maxime rolled over and put his head on Ere’s thigh.

“All right, but after I’m done we’ll go and buy that weird dried thing” He replied leaning against the head board.

“Instant noodles, they’re called instant noodles” Max spelled it out. They had already had an argument on the topic. Ere said the noodles were not instant, it took time to make them, and time is not an instant. Max argued it was just a word.

“Whatever” Maxime glanced at the man to capture his reaction. He always liked teasing him.

“So… Are you telling me the story or not” Max bit Ere’s hand.

“All right all right, but stop biting me.”

Max always liked when Erebus told the “lone warrior” story. Ere would get worked up in the details, the description of his sword cutting a thousand trees with a single swing. His marching thorough Earth as the soil cracked and crumbled underneath his mighty steps. Every time he told that story he would talk about the greatness of his action but Max noticed there always was a tone of sadness, veiled in between the epic quests. He never really understood what it was but now he did. Erebus was alone. The mighty warrior, alone to walk a barren land fighting a battle that was already lost.

Like a wild animal running form his predator, Maxime got up and sprinted towards the beach. He thoughtlessly undressed and jumped in the cold, crystalline waters. It was bad. He thought he was over it, but the memories of Erebus kept coming back up like acid in his throat. Those memories were hunting him, waiting for the perfect moment to shoot and kill him. He was floating on the blue water.

“You read stories to escape reality…right” He looked so confused. The pen in his hand, the little black notebook full of notes.

“It’s more than that really. Every story is a portable world that takes you were you want to be” Max sat down and opened his laptop. He searched for some short stories and turned the computer towards his lover. “I have to go now, have a read around and make an opinion for yourself.”

When he came back Erebus was crying, a tissue in his hand, the page on his notebook filled with notes and the salty water.

“Why would he do that, why would he sacrifice himself like that” Max sat next to him and skim read the story.

“Because he loved him” He concluded.

“Yes but why” Ere sobbed loudly. Max looked at him, and hugged the crying man. Not a mighty warrior, just a man.

Max was back at the house. His shoes in one hands, his bag with his book in the other.

“Are you serious? You are leaving?!” He was so confused, sad and most of all angry.

“My job here is done. I have gathered all the information needed and I will now take my leave” He was different. The man Max fell in love with was gone, a cherubim was now standing in front of him.

“What about me then” He was crying. Slowly and steadily a new feeling engulfed him. Fear, he now only felt afraid . Erebus was gone.

The angel opened the notebook and flicked through the pages.

“Humans like money don’t you?” He stared at him for a second, and then disappeared leaving behind a stack of dollar bills.

Maxime sighed, dropped the shoes and put his bag on the table. That horrible feeling of fear that crushed him in the presence of the cherubim still lingered inside him. Maybe he would have used the last of his money to buy the villa, permanently move there and start writing a book like he always wanted to.

He would have focused on those three years, the three years he spent with an angel.