Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, I'm An Aries So I Refuse To Hear Your Beck And Call

Dear Maria you asked why I am the way I am,

You could say it all started the day my aunt dragged me out into the heat and then down towards the market in Iran claiming she knew of a 'Wise woman' who can help me get a husband. Ignoring my scowling and complaints of ''I don't want a man and never needed one!'', she towed me towards this half-falling apart store where we were called into a room by a bored teenager wearing a veil. She cautioned us to stay silent and wait for the wise lady to rouse from her talk with the holy one. We waited a whole hour and finally had a conversation with the wise lady wherein my aunt wailed about a niece in her late 20s who is still sadly single. Throughout the wait my aunt glared at me whenever I tried to shift from my position on the floor to relieve my numb legs. It wasn't like I was going to run with my hand captured in hers in a death grip and all my attempts at breaking free thwarted.

''She has the knowledge of the stars. Just tell her when year you were born in and what time. She'll do the rest, don't worry,'' my aunt had said excitedly. The 'Wise Woman' turned out to be a fake and swindled a lot of money from many people's coffers. She ran when the authorities, who seldom bothered about 'real people's problems' probed into the case of the woman who can read the stars.

I wish my personality could be summed up into a word or in this case an astrology sign. I wish, as I walk on the road that you can point at me and say: Oh! An Aries. That it explains the heart shaped sunglasses, the low-slung jeans and the carefully cared for braids I refuse to cut. It explains why I'm happy to be alone, and unbothered by the passing of years and yet sometimes I yearn for companionship so much that I cling to strangers who show me a little love. That I crave the stability of a good internet connection, a quite office cubicle under a boss who is fair and yet I also long to live like a hippie; wild and free and belonging to nothing except myself and living for nothing except for the things that pleases me and truly one with nature, fully knowing I'm a part of something great though not a big part in itself. My biggest strength is being kind.

I don't believe in magic and unicorns. All I know is that money is power; sure it corrupts but it also puts food on the table. The truth is sometimes people do some things irrespective of consequences or astrology. No matter how much we feel like we don't belong, we are compelled to seek groups that are alike us as a social creature. Yes, I am an Aries as much as I believe I belong to nothing but nature and to nature I will return. I am strong, kind, loving, and hold my family close. I also demand loyalty from my loved ones, because I give my all in return. I am a loud-mouth woman and I have been yelled at in bars, for being too opinionated.

Does that bothers me? Not a nickel.

Few of my instincts are innate, all are honed by the hard years I faced while growing up. I am happy to be where I am some days, however upon other I want to climb the corporate ladder and crush beneath my boots all the ''what ifs'' and ''I cant's'' that are product of my own imagined failures.

If we try, we win regardless if we win in the eyes of the world. The arduous journey of trying takes courage and we humans are the most glorious when we, despite the odds, give it one last try. This is the essence of my sign. I want nothing to come in between me and my goals. I'm driven by a single minded focus to drop the weaknesses that hindered me yesterday and become one of the women I admire. But as much as I want, I am also painfully aware of my shortcomings that stop me from becoming the woman that wouldn't need anybody. I am dependent on the people who I have chosen and who have honored me by choosing me by staying by my side as we celebrate the triumphs and shortcomings of life and humanity itself. In this, I don't fear dependency.

I am not afraid to cry for the right reasons. Let the world see my tears, my sobs, my red nose and the subsequent snot that drips down my famous red nose as I gaze upon Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic for the hundredth time. Let the world be witness that my strength is not defined by that which I hide but all that I choose to share with those I love; my friends that sit beside me as I cry, my dog who naps lightly on my numb, sleeping legs and my cat who from her perch on the bookshelf looks on as her slaves cry on a scene from Titanic. Let's be real, what sort of monster doesn't cry while watching Titanic?

Never trust somebody who is not wiping snot off their faces, while watching a sad movie scene, like my boyfriend.

All that predictions are not drivel entirely; there is depth to my dreams and a craving to be free even on the little we depend as the mighty 'Aries'. I admit I find myself being strongly motivated, assertive and blessed with a magnetic personality but what I can't wrap my head around is this: The inability to not go running after what doesn't belong to me and humans are blessed with the choice to choose because we have conquered the wild and no longer hunt like other animal species do. What sort of demon possesses me to run after the hardest ladders and bang on the strongest walls? If there is a dragon that guards my walls, let me slay it before any prince can come to rescue me. I'm not the 'wait and sit on my ass' kind of person who is afraid of dragons. I am the dragons of lore itself.

Though my anger flashes forth fast, I also manage to calm myself before I do harm. I seldom choose anger to express myself and I'm careful not to break that which teethers me to the humans I care about. I know how hurt feels and I never want another person lest of all the one I care about to feel the barb of being abandoned. I am temperamental, I don't let emotions control me lest I lose more than I have lost in this life time.

Van Gogh had his sun in Aries. I know because I love finding out the astrology sign of famous people and compare their public personalities and strengths with what the astrology sign say their characteristics should be based on their sun and moon. In a parallel world, or if I was born in an earlier century I would have been the lady with the tarot card looking into a big crystal ball and telling people what is supposed to happen in their future. I myself would never waste much time with tarot reading. A big part of me believe I am the captain of my own fate and this fate is dependent upon the decisions I make for myself every day.

Alas, I have come across many predictions that were pure drivel. Come to think of it, I've stumbled upon characteristic of an entirely opposite astrology like the water sign Pisces, and related more to it than my predication has ever come close to for my astrology sign.

This throws me into a dilemma. Are tarot reading, astrology and the stars really trying to tell us something, or is it a ploy for the trendsetters to sell more T-shirts? My money is on the latter because there is just not enough evidence to support Astrology. It sure is a way for some people to explain why people act the way they do. Does it excuses their bad habits or avoidance of responsibility like the way some of my friends believe? Not at all. Some people are kind of rotten. They are who they choose to be. My astrology sign 'Aries' might explain some of my strengths but by no means it dictates my future. That is in my hands alone and not written in stars.

Love,

Annabella.

This is a piece that is close to my heart. I express myself freely and honestly here. I hope you all enjoy!