Left to the Specialists

The bottle of Merlot seemed stable in the robot’s belly. Colleek Beaumont and Bali Timmers looked on from their seats. It was their first date.

“This is VNO-7000 or just VINO for short. He is a fully-functional robot and you’re fortunate enough to benefit from his sommelier skills,” said Dr. Alexis Covey, robotics inventor and founder of Delabot Industries in Wilmington, Delaware.

Beaming with excitement, Beaumont looked over at Bali. She was 26, he 34.

The robot scanned the table and found both humans. A screen peeled back to reveal a bottle of wine in the robot’s abdomen. His arms extended to grasp the bottle like an infant reaching for its bottle. He withdrew the bottle, and popped the cork. Beaumont marveled at the spectacular technological achievement. How far man had come from first picking grapes from a vineyard to having a robot serve wine. This warranted admiration for man’s mind and his achievements. Beaumont looked on at the rest of the demonstration.

“You see,” Alexis said, flashing her alabaster teeth, “VINO knows.” Thank you for participating in this experiment, of sorts! Please, enjoy your meal.” Alexis turned to leave, and piloted VINO back to the kitchen using wireless remote control.

“That was really cool,” Bali said.

I wonder if VINO has been trained to offer a designated driver for whomever gets too sloshed?”he said then, swirled, sniffed, and sipped but quickly grimaced and reached for his napkin.

“What’s wrong?” Bali asked.

“It’s like there’s salt in the wine.”

“There can’t be. The brochure said VINO was designated to provide only the best wine,” Bali said.

“You try it, then,” he replied. Bali sniffed, but paused before sipping.

“If this is one of your practical jokes from the office, I’ll have a hard time believing you ever again,” she said.

“I would play a joke on myself?” Beaumont asked, astonished at the thought.

Bali looked across the table for a long time. She then took a sip of the wine. It was fine.

“Goddamnit, Colleek,” She said grinning. “You play too much.”

“I just wanted to see how you’d react.”

“Isn’t that the point of any practical joke?” Bali asked with a droll look plastered on her face.

“Don’t look now, VINO is back on the scene,” Beaumont said.

Bali glanced over her shoulder. “You should tell it the wine is terrible!” she exclaimed.

Beaumont said, “No way am I doing that. No way. I wouldn’t be able to live that down.”

“But you can pull a joke on me, on our first official date?”

Alexis neared the table. “So, did you enjoy the wine?”

Bali looked at Beaumont. He had a straight face. “It’s divine. VINO is a great sommelier.” His voice was even and unwavering.

“Great. Do you need to be topped off?”

“Actually,” Bali said. “I think my wine was a little oaky.” Alexis frowned. “VINO’s sensors detect all of the details of the wine before serving it. I will go get a glass and….”

“I don’t think that’s necessary, Dr. I might have been mistaken. “I may not have swished before I sniffed and drank from my glass.”

“Okay,” Alexis sighed. “I almost went into cardiac arrest. Your server should be out momentarily. Bon appétit.” Alexis controlled VINO away from the table.

“That’s why the jokes should be left to the specialists. I do stand up on weekends. You’ve got to go all in and then switch on the mark at the last minute. You know my work from the office. Take notes next time,” Beaumont said.

“I couldn’t agree more.” They clinked.