I Am No Picasso

It turns out, I was a mistake.

No, I don’t mean my birth wasn’t planned. As the eighth of nine children (cue the shocked faces), I’m pretty darn sure my parents understood the whole “having a baby” process.

The mistake with me being born wasn’t that it happened. The mistake was that, according to the Zodiac signs, it probably happened about 3 days too soon.

You see, I was born on February 16th. For you Zodiac experts out there, you know that that makes me an Aquarius by a very slim margin. In three more days, the age of the Pisces begins.

To fully understand what my Zodiac sign would say about me, I had to go to the Expert in All Things… otherwise known as Google. I scoured several websites, trying to put together the perfect profile of a true Aquarius. When all the research was done, the image I had concocted was not what I’d call a self-portrait.

I should start by defining myself by my strongest qualities:

1. I am an empath to my core.

If I see someone get hurt on TV, I’m cringing as if I am feeling the pain too (Watching America’s Funniest Home Videos can be a bumpy ride for me). This can be both a strength and a weakness. I am able to more fully imagine the struggles of others and offer sensitivity and support. However, because I can be highly sensitive to the experiences and emotions of others, I sometimes internalize their pain and struggle to detach myself from it.

2. My deepest need is to be loved and accepted.

This trait is definitely a two-edged sword. On one hand, because I want so much to be accepted, I try to be accepting and understanding of others, regardless of how we may differ. But this trait is probably my biggest pitfall, too. I can have a five minute conversation with someone I don’t know well, and then I will spend the next two hours wondering if they enjoyed the conversation of if I came off as weird or awkward. Now don’t get me wrong, I can be a real weirdo, but only with those with whom I’m close enough that they won’t see me as an unlikable weirdo. My fear of being rejected unfortunately stops me sometimes from coloring outside the lines and taking risks.

3. I have a big imagination.

This one shouldn’t be too surprising coming from a writer. I am a creativity-driven person who loves to explore beyond reality, even if it’s just in my hobbies. I have a specific memory of putting myself to sleep one night as a child by imagining my own bedtime story (Spoiler alert: I was a lion in The Lion King). I lose myself in adventure novels, which is probably why my primary genre for writing is fiction. I tend to develop parasocial relationships with TV characters who simply aren’t real (if I ever meet Robert Downey Jr., I’m going to have to constantly remind myself he is not, in fact, Ironman).

That’s me in a nutshell. Let’s compare it to two of the central qualities of an Aquarius:

• An Aquarius rebels against conventionality. They despise pressures to conform, which often manifests itself in a quirky nature with offbeat or unusual tastes in style and activities.

• An Aquarius is highly intelligent and finds the greatest fulfillment with friends or partners when engaging in intellectual conversations. However, because they rely heavily on their high-level intelligence, they can come off as emotionally insensitive or cold.

As soon as the word “rebel” kept popping up in association with Aquarius, I knew I was not going to fit the bill. Where an Aquarius wants to stand out, I want to fit in. While I would love to have their unabashed self-confidence, I also believe the world needs a bit of coloring outside the lines and coloring within. After all, the world lauds both Picasso and Da Vinci, right?

There’s no doubt about it, though: I am no Picasso.

In regards to the Aquarius’s high-level intelligence, I can relate to it, but I don’t identify by it. The ability to have serious and meaningful conversations is certainly an important quality in my relationships, and any connection without it feels surface-level. Still, a relationship would feel equally incomplete if we weren’t able to laugh ourselves to tears at Michael Scott burning his foot on a George Forman grill, even though we’ve watched it a million times already.

And while the high level of intelligence Aquarians possess makes them strong problem-solvers and advocates for change, their inclination away from emotional connection clashes with my deeply ingrained empathy.

Obviously, not every Aquarius will be a cookie-cutter copy of this personality profile (nor would they want to be). But in my case, I don’t even seem to be a cookie. So if I’m not one of them, what am I?

Let me introduce you to the brownie of the zodiac signs: Pisces.

Pisces are:

• The most empathetic of the zodiac signs with immense sensitivity to emotions.

• Dictated by the planet Neptune, which governs creativity and dreams, leading to a limitless imagination in a Pisces.

• More laid back and let more commanding personalities take the lead to keep peace.

If the profile of an Aquarius and my own personality seem like oil and water, then my personality with that of a Pisces is water and, well, water. If Aquarius is the cookie and Pisces are a brownie, then I am definitely a brownie.

And if that’s the case, then the best explanation for why I’m in with the Aquarians is that the cookies were finishing up their baking time in the oven, and some brownie batter got added a little early by mistake.

So yes, I may be the mistake of the Aquarians, but I’m honored to stand among the strong thinkers and world changers of my zodiac sign. Every other Aquarius I have known has been a strong force for good. However, I’m also honored to act as a bridge for the empaths and dreamers to then take the stage. After all, every sign is needed to complete the zodiac.