How the stars helped me heal

First, I want to get into how I think astrology works. The earth, sun, and moon are forces of nature that over a millennium have created the miracle that we know as life on earth today. These planets in our solar system were developed by the very stars and celestial bodies that have been dancing through cosmic eons. So, the impact, no matter how distant in time and space, has a physical impact today. It has been common in human culture to look towards the stars for answers, just in the sheer amazement of how large our universe really is. We all wonder if something out in the void is looking out for us. And so, we made stories about what could be up there when in joyous celebration, sobering hardship, and personal victory. These feelings we projected as a collective into the skies above to help tell our story. Maybe if the sun can warm our face only when it shines on it, Pluto (which is still a planet in astrology!) can cause an unprecedented attitude with a whole generation as it slowly gravitates around the rest of the system.

Astrological birth charts and horoscopes seem to pinpoint how the stars, moon, and planets can affect our emotional state for basically our entire lives. Year by year, day by day, moment by moment, if we could understand the connection deep enough. The most commonly used connection however is the 12 zodiacs. Represented by its corresponding constellation in relation to the sun and the day your soul entered this world to experience it in ego. The zodiac holds characteristics of the primal 4 elements; air, fire, water, and earth. Also, there are 3 traits to each element, being muted, fixed, or cardinal. But this is all superficial compared to what can be learned when one delves into a birth chart, which shows you and your alignment to the immediate universe when you were born.

Now, I may not have always been the most practical person I know, but I definitely was skeptical a bit when I first looked into it. A lot didn't really match up, and to be honest I didn't really understand myself anyway. But I found that as I began to continue on a path of what I can best describe as a spiritual path of just wingin' it, there was much I could learn from actually seeing the patterns in my behavior and how it matched with interpretations of astrology veterans. With everything this world has gone through in these recent times, it can be hard to wonder what exactly you can do next to make your life better in a situation that seems to be nothing that chaos. But you have only been dealing with this for relatively so little time, maybe even a little longer. Or a lot longer. The stars understand that (assuming that they have consciousness). They seem to be nothing but chaotic reactions that could literally obliterate us before we would even know it, and yet our little blue ball still spins. Maybe we will never truly understand what's out there. But in this, I definitely have found a way to understand myself.

Speaking about me, Let's talk about me! (That's the Leo Rising coming out). That's right. I am Scorpio Sun, Capricorn Moon, Leo Rising. Maybe a person or two I know says I can be a handful emotionally. But they also never say I'm not fun! Or that I kind of freak them out.

So, Let's start with Scorpio sun, which is my main zodiac. A life path of a Scorpio tends to be one of ambition, intensity, and delving into the mysteries of life, while yet keeping all the secrets for themselves until they meet kindred spirits they can trust with their deepest feelings. I like to imagine as a fixed water sign; Scorpios can seem like a lake. Deep, unsure of what lies beyond the surface, and an icy demeanor that is uncrackable if under the right conditions. When it comes to ambition, Scorpios are notorious for not being afraid to step on toes that are out of line. I definitely have always been a ponderer, and to be honest most of my conclusions were a bit odd so even if I wanted to share I never really would. I have always had big dreams in my life, but I can understand the value of making your dreams come true come without sacrifice. When I relate to others, I honestly just want everyone to get along, and maybe we could all be successful. I guess that's how a more evolved (or naive) Scorpio would see it.

See the zodiac has stages, where if the people under them are more or less aligning with what the skies are intending, the person will find a more enlightened and stable point of view. Now, this isn't to say there aren't people who can do this without even reading one horoscope. Some of us just have a knack at life (or appear to on the surface). But some of us would probably be lemmings to a cliff if we didn't try something to steer us in the right direction.

So, with a Scorpio like me when I would be emotionally immature, I would be closed off instead of communicating my needs, judging others in anger, and acting on impulse rather than reason. Now I see since I have studied the intricacies of what the zodiac means to me, that I can be emotionally honest and it not only gives me what I want but maybe someone else gets to be happy. That I should maybe try to look in before lashing out, and that I can have a strong desire and use that energy to create something beautiful. I'm still learning though, and I only want to be better.

I won't delve into my relationships for now, but I will say the ones that were the most intense were the ones that made that were pretty much to the tee on the zodiacal compatibility. But if we are being honest, I did bring most of the wild cards to the table. My advice when dealing your partners' sign in relation to yours, is to know your partner in the best way that your partner knows themself. Maybe in asking about them genuinely, you may both discover things about yourself. That's how a relationship should be anyways in my opinion. But once you reach that level of mature emotional understanding, then you hit em' with "So what is the exact time you were born? I've been guessing your rising sign is in Aries for ages and I'm just dying to know!"

I guess this would be a good time to get into my rising sign, Leo. You're rising sign being, how you are perceived and show yourself to the world. With Leos having a natural gravitas for attention, my emotional appearance can be quite entertaining if I'm in the mood. I at least try to have a positive attitude, even if I am pretty bummed on the inside. But despite all of that, just like with anyone, my outward personality is a hit or miss. It's difficult when you want to maintain an appearance of constant confidence and capability. It can be easy to catch onto if it's not genuine. They say that Leo risings can be the most attractive of the zodiac signs, but I see it as relative as how you carry your looks. I definitely have a fashion sense that screams I tried today. The ego is also very influenced by the rising sign. So, mine being Leo kind of makes it a double whammy. I'm not so caught up in one-upping the world anymore though, I think there are enough people out there trying to be the best. But I won’t stop trying to make myself and others better. They say that your rising sign isn't too important, because it's all surface and ego. I think that's balony. Maybe I am being biased, but the wrapping of the gift can just be as defining as the gift itself.

The moon is the ruler of your inner emotions and subconscious. Mine being in Capricorn, a sign that is all business, can create possibilities of an ambitious, cold, and secretive nature. Deep, deep down, all a Capricorn wants is to stand on their own two feet no matter what the universe can throw at them. The earthly element brings making structure and earning your living a priority, and in relationships that translates too. Making it about building a life together and having a mutual partnership where everyone brings their own to the table, or you are the sole provider and rock for the family. To a Capricorn moon, being overemotional can be stressful since they try so hard to keep feelings under wraps unless necessary. And structure is key to helping them control these feelings, and being in a controlled environment (ideally controlled by the individual). As for me, navigating this part of my astrological profile is a bit difficult. I have had a period of major emotional growth during this last year. I never really wanted to control anything or anyone, but experiences in my past that left my life in chaos definitely greatly affected my subconscious. A part of that dealt with my trauma wanted to empathize with others who were going through difficult times because I understand how sympathy helped me deal with those times. Another part of me just wants to shake them and scream "Why is it so hard for you to get over yourself to live life the way you want?!" (in all honesty though, it's those moments where the person you’re trying to reach is actually just your own emotional reflection). Projection of my problems due to lack of structure and stability, both emotional and physical, became a bigger problem. I thought I could really fix myself by fixing everyone else. It makes a bit more sense now that I joined the military on basically a whim to become a mental health specialist. A crash course on physical and emotional structure? Why wouldn't I sign up? Unfortunately it also came with an unstable marriage (and it was a one that was based a lot on how we can best capitalize on the military benefits of marriage! not to say there wasn't any intimacy. He was a Taurus) so in the end it all almost left me worse off until I found my true personal power. So, to be honest I'm not sure what is what for me in that realm. I am sure the more I grow and heal, the more I will understand how the moon's ethereal glow mirrors my subconscious light.

There is a Lady Gaga quote from one of her music videos that sticks out with me in relating to astrology. "When I look back on life, it's not that I don't want to see things exactly as they happened, it's just that prefer to remember them in an artistic way. And truthfully the lie of it all is much more honest, because, I invented it. Clinical psychology tells us arguably that trauma is the ultimate killer. Memories are not recycled like atoms and particles in quantum physics, they can be lost forever. It's like my past is an unfinished painting, and as the artist of that painting, it is my job to fill in all the ugly holes, and make it beautiful again. It's not that I've been dishonest. It's just that I loathe reality."

Reality is tricky. It seems to change and shift in front of very eyes all the time, even when nothing is moving. Everyone has their own idea of what is real, and what is just inside one's head. I think astrology is one of those ways that you can make those two roads can find what is really you, in your purest form, and meet in the middle. I saw the potential I had within myself through astrology, and then I made that potential my own reality. Am I better for it? I'll never know I suppose. but I do know, from where I stand now, I can see that the painting of my life has much more beauty and definition where there was once a canvas of shameful doubt of my place in the universe.

May the stars illuminate your path!