Gemini Horrorscope

Gemini Horrorscope

May 21 - June 20

"Harpier cries, 'tis time, 'tis time" for the Gemini."

With Saturn turning retrograde from May 23 to October 10 and commingling with Mercury which turns retrograde May 29 to June 22, the Gemini will have to maneuver a minefield of potential disasters just to survive the next several months. Shrouds of black litter the landscape and all that should be light, and threatens the well being of the Twins. Were the Gemini wise, they would hope to sleep through the four weeks of the Gemini sign that they might emerge whole on the other side. But, alas, that good fortune is not the lot of the Gemini.

This Horoscope, good sir, as you specified, has been prepared for you alone. As you read it, you will understand why I insisted on payment in advance. As you are aware, I relate only what is foretold by the stars, neither embellishing nor censoring what is there.

Now I begin.

May should be the time for the Gemini to pause, to reflect, to refresh the spirit and prepare to avail of good tidings that await in the time of Sagittarius in coming months. But in the days immediately ahead, mournful hours are in the offing, and little of cheer is foretold.

As you stride out purposefully, you will falter while the less deserving harvest the fruit which should belong to the Gemini, but you will persevere and stumble ever forward, though your cupboard begin to empty and all your sins befall you apace. These will not be good times.

Yet, your true love will present you with the boy child for which you have longed. I see a bundle swathed in blue and looking for the world like his father. The child, also born a Gemini, will have the good health and good fortune being denied to you, the father. For the child, except for the absence of the father, a welcoming future awaits.

Unfortunately your true love is not your wife, and your wife will present you with divorce papers and nullify your prenup to leave you penniless.

You will find that you have invested unwisely. The Bitcoin that you bought at $63,000 and which you are counting on to buy your freedom from your marriage that you might be a real father to your child, will close at $18,000 and your margin will be called. Payment of the margin will strip you of your financial assets at the same time that your estrangement and divorce will leave you homeless.

In despair, your short attention span will cause you to not see the changing light at the intersection or the car to your left which decides to turn right. You, but not your car, will survive the resultant crash.

At the hospital you will find yourself concussed, your face marred, your right leg broken, your health insurance lapsed, and only a policeman at your bedside asking questions that sound like a distant rumble. Your first awareness will be that you will be responsible for paying for the cost of your care, and that you have no assets with which to pay your medical or any other bills.

When you leave the hospital you will seek shelter at your parents home, but you will find they have moved and no longer live there.

The Sun and Jupiter act upon the life path of the Gemini this year. And that too bodes not well, for they place obstacles in that path which are almost impossible to get around.

While married your trust fund wife supported you and as a result you are almost unemployable and devoid of skills. Your love child's mother is in similar straits and in desperation will take her and your child to her parents trailer in another state.

Fortunately, the month of the Gemini will end and so will the personal disasters that befell you. You will, through a friend, find employment and you will emerge happy as you continue on this year's life path. You will know your son, though he will call another man Daddy.

Do you have any questions?