First In A Long Time

Okay, so my phone stopped working. Right when I was sending a text to my mother for her birthday. That’s fine. That’s fine. I can just send her an email on my laptop. That’s probably going to be seen sooner than a text. At least I hope it’ll be seen sooner than a stupid text message. When I open my laptop, I quickly write off an email that I feel would be the perfect one for my mother on her birthday. Slowly wondering why, I hadn’t done that since…man when was the last time I sent an email?

I couldn’t remember off the top of my head.

So, when I sent the email, I glanced at the other ones I had already read and hadn’t bothered to delete. The latest one said 2019. It’s 2026. I hadn’t sent or received an email in seven years? That didn’t seem right. Why hadn’t I received one since 2019? There was no possible way that could be right or real. Looking through my inbox, I tried to find one email from any time ago. Anything at all. Spam even. But there wasn’t any spam. Had I seen emails on my phone and deleted them? Soon as I glanced through my trashcan, I realized there wasn’t anything there either. Nothing that would explain the seven-year gap in emails in my email account. I mean it’d be like if I didn’t get any normal mail either. Which is virtually impossible by any…wait.

Wait.

When was the last time I got a physical letter either? I can’t even remember the last time I got a letter or anything. A bill? Yeah. I can see that lying on my coffee table just a few feet away from me. But that’s not the same as getting a letter from another human being. Closing my laptop, I got off my couch and looked through the stack of mail that I had on my coffee table. Each envelope was from a company trying to sell me something with a QR code attached. Or just a bill that I had already paid on their website a few days ago or in a few cases a few weeks ago. When I found a letter from someone else, it was from my older sister. Dated around 2011. It was from her honeymoon telling me about how she loved me and missed seeing me. At the time I thought she was just being a sentimental weirdo but now I feel awful.

Even more so than I thought I would. Reading her words I realized that I hadn’t spent that much time with her. Louise, my sister, used to make time to spend with me growing up. I remember she even turned down a date with some popular dude at school just to spend time with me. I was fifteen at the time and going through a rough patch with mom and dad about transitioning. What I remember her saying or think I remember her saying…my memory is kind of fuzzy around this time. Though I kind of recall what I had asked her when she decided to stay in. I asked,’Louise. Why are you even home with me? Don’t you wanna go out with Brad?’

‘I can go out with guys like Brad anytime, Ozzie. I want to spend time with my little brother right now.’,she answered. And she hugged me so tight that I thought my bones were creaking from it. But God it was such a good feeling. Knowing that my sister had my back with everything I was doing. That she didn’t call me her little sister. And I hadn’t written back to her in fifteen years either. My mouth went dry as I stared down at the beautifully written letter in my hands. Setting it down, I looked for my notebook and a pen. I found the notebook under the coffee table. And a pen in my jacket pocket. Which I can’t remember why I put it in there for or when. But I was grateful that I found it at all. And as soon as I sat down, I started to write. Hoping that the address that was in the letter that I got from my sister would still be the same.

Otherwise, I was going to be the worst little brother in the whole world.

Dear Louise,

It’s been fifteen years since I’ve re-read the letter you sent me. There’s no excuse for why I have not written you back. The only thing that I can say is that I’m sorry for not writing to you at all. Not calling you. Or even trying to reach out on email. You’re one of the most supportive people in my entire life. And I owe you more than anything in the entire universe if I’m honest.

You are the one person that I could come to when things got terrible with mom and dad. And the only one that understood me as a whole person. You gave me the strength to keep going and to transition. If this letter reaches where you live, I love you more than anything or anyone in the entire universe. And I’m sorry for not doing more to talk with you. You’re my everything Louise. I hope you know this. I love you. I hope to be as good of a human being as I know you are.

Love,

Ozzie.

P.S: If you ever wanna hang out, please write to me. I want to have a movie night where we make fun of bad movies together.

Re-reading it I sighed as I got an envelope out from my T.V stand. Surprised that it was still there at all. And I carefully folded up the letter and placed it inside. Then I wrote the address from Louise’s letter. Along with my own. I got a stamp out from my wallet and placed it on it. Then got to my feet as I held the letter to my chest. Like it was the most precious cargo in the world. To me it was at least. Opened my front door for long enough to slip the letter into my mailbox. Finding another bill as I sighed and rolled my eyes in annoyance. Quitely, I mumbled,”In a few days I’ll either have a new letter to read or my own letter back.”

“I really hope I don’t get it back…”