Another Pisces

I was born on March fifteenth at five thirty in the evening, the Ides of March, a Pisces sun, Leo moon and Virgo rising. A child with their head constantly in the clouds, a dreamer with an imagination so large I am now nearing twenty-nine years of age and I am still afraid of what could be lurking in the dark at night. Pisces, the fish, since the age of three I had endured years of swimming lessons and then moved on to competitive swimming, dropping out at the age of fourteen. I still find myself drawn to bodies of water, whether it is a bathtub in my apartment, the ocean, or an aquarium. In this hectic world, I find peace and solace in water.

Pisces are gentle, trusting, mutable. I want to believe that everyone is truly good, that people are kind and want the best for the world, but those thoughts can be changed by the slightest inconvenience. Pisces are artistic and intuitive, since I was a child I dreamed of being an artist, then a fashion designer, later in life and actress, maybe a writer. I have dated numerous artists and musicians, people who managed to really take their artistic talent and create something. Dreaming that I myself would create something (that my Virgo rising finds to be good enough) to be proud of one day.

My Venus is in Pisces, meaning how I love and the way I am in relationships is dreamy and starry-eyed. I am a hopeless romantic, forever creating romantic situations in my head that no situation or person could truly live up to. And as if the escape from reality I create in my head for my romantic life isn’t absurd enough, it is only the tip of the imaginary iceberg. For as long as I can remember I have been able to lucid dream, something that until my early 20’s I did not know wasn’t the norm for everyone. I remember making myself fly in dreams, being able to recall the feeling and how to do it: you start with a slight jog, then kick off one foot in the air, it would catch, then with a light jump you would become weightless and able to fly around. I have always loved to dream, so much so that I choose to do it even when I am wide awake.

I am sensitive, a water sign, it doesn’t take much to make me cry. A lost puppy, an argument, any and every world disaster. I am like Alice sometimes, where I worry if I cry too much it could fill up the room and only then would I regret it, hoping I really was a fish and could swim my way out of it. My sensitivity is what I blame for my “victim complex” I believe that I always want the best for everyone, for everyone to succeed and be happy. However, the fact that everyone does not think and feel the same way that I do puts me in the perfect position to constantly be the victim. Even when it is no one’s fault other than myself that I am the victim, once again. “Nobody promised to you that everyone else had your best intentions in mind, you brought that upon yourself.” Whether this is out of manipulation or a result of making myself the victim or choosing to believe everyone made me the victim by manipulating me – Pisces always believe that we are the victims, innocent and pure. (But spoiler: sometimes we are not!!!)

Pisces are indecisive and naïve. I am nearing the age of thirty and even at this age I wish that there was some road map to life. I wish I had the rulebook, or a navigator instructing me on which decisions I need to make in order to make “the right ones.”

I am an introverted extrovert; my Pisces sun and Leo moon are forever battling one another. When I am invited out with friends a battle ensures. The Pisces willing me to stay home snuggled in bed under the covers with a book, but the Leo wishes to socialize loudly, with a group of people, friends and strangers. If I choose to go out the Pisces is let down, but staying in upsets the Leo, no matter which side wins, it is always a losing outcome.

My mother is a Scorpio and sister is a Cancer, both water signs. I have no idea how my father (an Aries, fire sign) has survived the years of endless emotions and tears, but I truly believe that water signs deep emotions are a reflection of the purity of our hearts and I wouldn’t want it any other way.