Alive

She awoke to the howling wind. She had been on her own for years, but the wind always startled her. It sounded as if it carried all the cries from past civilizations in its breath. Its painful howling was only a reminder that she wasn’t safe. She shuddered remembering the first time she heard the wind. Her world ended that day. Everything she had ever known was gone. She didn’t want to think about it. All she had was now.

She peeked through the brush she was camped under to scan her surroundings. Once she was sure there weren’t any bandits or animals who wished her harm nearby, she picked herself up from her camp and tucked her heart-shaped locket under the tattered rag she called her shirt. She squinted through the haze towards the sun. She knew the bandits would arrive soon if she didn’t start walking. They wouldn’t take her locket - she wouldn’t let them.

It was the last thing she had from the place she called home. Her mother had given it to her as a child before she knew the cruelty of the world she lived in. She had been born and raised in an underground bunker. Her mother said the world changed when she was pregnant with her, so the bunker was the only place she had known. Her mother said it wasn’t safe to leave. She was right.

The bunker was safe and big enough to house about 10 people in total. Her and her mother were two of seven people living there. She wasn’t sure if they had all known each other before the end, but she loved them all as family. They were the only people she had ever known.

Then the bandits came.

One of them followed Polly, an adult in the bunker, as she returned from gathering supplies. Polly was older with soft brown eyes. Her dark hair had wisps of white that looked like lightning in dark thunder clouds. Her olive skin was wrinkled from smiling, but otherwise looked young. Polly led the bandits to the bunker unknowingly. Chaos unlike anything She had ever experienced ensued when the bandits came.

She was the only one who escaped. Her mother snuck her to the entry of the bunker amidst the chaos of being raided. She climbed the ladder up to the world with her mother close behind. The world emerged and as she reached back to grab her mother’s hand, the bandits grabbed her mother from below. Her mother’s eyes widened in fear as she clung to the ladder and screamed, “RUN! Run as fast and as far as you can. Don’t look back - I love you!”

Tears stung her eyes as her mind flooded with the memory despite her insistence on not remembering. She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to remember the screams of everyone she loved as they were ransacked. Once again, she thought to herself, “All I have is now.” She often felt as though she were in a battle between herself and her memories. Her memories came when they wanted, and she was forced to feel the pain once more. She always tried to remind herself to look forward instead of backward, but her past haunted her without mercy.

That day she ran, the wind was howling. For a long while, she thought she was still hearing the screams of the only family she had ever known. Eventually, her legs grew tired and she collapsed. Only then did she realize it was the wind that she heard. It took her a few days to muster up enough courage to go back to the bunker. It was empty. All of their provisions were gone. There weren’t even bodies. The bandits probably took them for food. She couldn’t think of another reason, and they were ruthless. The thought made her sick.

Amidst the rubble, she found her locket. She had lost it during the chaos, but it somehow survived the attack and raid. That was the day she swore she would never be without it again. It was the only piece of her mother she had left.

She caught herself clutching her necklace through her shirt as her thoughts continued to drift back to those dreadful days.

“What’s ya got there, preety?”

She spun around at the voice. She hadn’t seen the old man hiding in the shade of a tree. Her heart began racing as she realized she might be trapped. Bandits traveled in packs.

“I, uh.. I have my shirt.” She wasn’t sure if she said the words aloud or not. All she could hear was the thumping of her heart as she lowered her hand to her side.

The old man gave a mostly toothless smile and tugged at his long beard. “I see. Well it ain’t a good idea to be holding yer… shirt like that. Makes peoples think you got somethin’ to hide. Y’know that somethin’ to hide is somethin’ to keep, I reckon?”

She nodded. “Yes, I know that. The heat just got to me. I thought I would pull some air through it.”

The old man nodded slowly, as if he was believing her. “I reckon you can cool off in other ways that don’t draw attention. Lucky for you, it’s just me out here right now. What’s yer name?”

Her heart stopped. Nobody had said her name since the bunker. It felt wrong to tell it to someone else. She certainly didn’t feel like that person with a name anymore. “I don’t have a name. I’m just Alive.”

The old man’s eyes grew in surprise. “Alive?! Why would you call yourself somethin’ so terrible? At least pick something with a little peace behind it. You ever seen a river?”

Alive shook her head no. “Never.”

“That’s too bad, maybe you’ll see one if the bandits don’t catch ya. The river’s water song drowns out that wretched wind. Good eatin’ if you can figure out how to catch them fishies. Just keep headin’ in your direction. You’ll run into one.”

Alive nodded once more. “Thanks for the words, mister. I best be on my way before any bandits arrive. Stay safe.”

“Ah, yes. The bandits. Good idea. Hey, make sure you stay… Alive.” The old man winked as he said her name as if it was an inside joke between the two of them.

Alive continued on her journey just as the wind started howling again. She was grateful to leave the old man behind. The only person who could be trusted in this world was yourself. Everyone else had their own motives and plans to survive.

This world was completely unlike the bunker. It was hot and dry. Food was sparse, and water was even harder to find. Alive usually dug for water at night. The dirt was cooler at that time and it was harder to be seen and caught. The river the old man talked about did sound nice. Alive wondered how many bandits frequented rivers, and how close one was. If they were even real at all.

The bandits weren’t the only danger in this world. There were starved, rabid animals that wouldn’t think twice about mauling a potential meal. Alive had encountered a few of them, but had always been able to escape. The wild cats were worse than the dogs. The cats could climb. The dogs couldn’t.

Alive continued on her way, hopeful to see a river. The dry heat made the days last an eternity. Alive focused on taking one step at a time. Carefully moving as silently as possible. Living in this world was a delicate balance of moving continuously and reserving enough energy to run at a moment’s notice. There weren’t safe choices, only survival choices.

As evening approached, Alive began searching for a place to sleep. There weren’t any trees or bushes nearby, so she knew she had to keep walking. It wasn’t safe to sleep out in the open. She walked for what felt like centuries, but eventually found a thicket of trees. She had never seen so many in a row. It was perfect. Alive found the darkest space between the trees and laid down. Her eyes fluttered closed and she drifted off to sleep.

This time, when she awoke, it was to a different sound. A sound she had never heard before. It sounded like painless wind, constant and unchanging. She rose from her camp, and again, assessed her surroundings. All she could see were trees and bluebirds. Alive loved bluebirds. There weren’t many to be seen in this world, and each one felt like a good sign sent from the universe. Alive stretched and began to walk towards the sound.

She had reached a terrain that was unlike the previous places she had walked. It was lush with vegetation, and a little cooler thanks to all the shade from the trees. She continued walking as the sound grew louder. She saw a shadow up ahead, so she ducked under some bushes to avoid any trouble. She practically crawled through the thicket, hoping that whatever shadow she saw thought she was a rabid animal. Finally, she got through the thicket and saw a clearing. The sound she had been following was even louder now. She finished pulling herself through the bushes and walked toward the sound. It was flowing water spanning as far as she could see.

Alive wondered if this was a river. The old man had told her that she would run into one if she continued on her way. Is this what it was? She walked into the river ankle-deep, and relished the feeling of the water rushing over her. She knelt down and filled her hands with the water. Taking handful after handful to her mouth, drinking as much water as she could. It was so cold. The old man was right, rivers were peaceful. She watched as small fish swam a short way away from her. She wondered how she could catch them. She hadn’t eaten in at least a day.

Suddenly, she heard a twig snap behind her. She swung around and met eyes with another person. She recognized those eyes beneath the cloak, but it couldn’t be…

“Poppy?” The woman almost whispered. “Poppy, is that you?”

Poppy was stunned… the only people who knew her name were in the bunker. The woman lowered her cloak as tears stung Poppy’s eyes.

“Momma?”

The woman’s eyes filled with tears as she said, “Yes, Poppy, it’s me. I’ve finally found you.”

Poppy ran towards her mother and embraced her. “I thought you were dead,” Poppy cried.

“I thought you were dead, but I couldn’t stop looking. You ran far. You did a good job.” Poppy could feel her mother’s tears against her head.

“I went back to the bunker. Everything was gone. Everyone was gone. What happened?”

“The bandits took everything, but left us to die. We waited for them to leave, then we split up. I don’t know where the others are, but I have been looking for you since then. I didn’t know if the bandits had caught you, or if some other fate happened to you. I just always hoped I would find you.”

Poppy cried into her mother’s chest, feeling safe for the first time in years.

Poppy and her mother embraced each other for a long time. When they finally let go, Poppy realized her heart-shaped locket wasn’t the only piece of her mother she had left. She finally had her mother back, and she knew life would be different in this awful world.