Absorbing the burn.

Growing up, I often heard the expressions:

“Get fired up!”, “Find your spark”, “Bring the heat!”, "Let it burn!" and many others that implied that fire was a good attribute - used to motivate and energize. However, one of the most important cautions we all learnt as kids was… “DON’T PLAY WITH FIRE!”. You can imagine how that would be confusing. Was fire good or bad? Were there more to these underlying burning connotations?

I’ve always been drawn to fire; so much so, that when I got older, I even dabbled in fire-breathing. I loved the contrast that fire had; how it could be a calm, still flame but then evolve into a raging inferno. I was very much like that. I was a quiet observer who kept to himself but when it was time to play, I played. I was a very energetic kid. I was also a quick-learner which made me good at most things. This made me very competitive because anytime I'd lose, I knew it would just be a matter of time before I learned how to win again. I was the guy you wanted on your team and I loved to take risks. To this day, risk is all I know.

Contrary to that, I was very hot-tempered. I got annoyed easily and I fought a lot. I loved to fight and I loved to provoke. I had an infamous ability to create chaos. I could set a house on fire with one sentence. Although it might sound like something I'm proud of, it's not, I'm just not ashamed of it. I figured I had gotten some of those attributes from my dad... but this isn’t about him. I took pride in being that fiery kid.

I was always good at making friends, and as I got older, while exploring relationships, I found myself being very passionate. I loved quickly and I loved hard. Luckily I was able to contain most of that to avoid becoming an emotional wreck (the type of Cancer everyone knows and LOveS). I had a high sex-drive with a fairly decent sense of humor with the looks of a solid 8. I stood out.

Unfortunately, as highly intense and intimate as my relationships were, there was an equal amount of conflict. And when it rained, it poured... and again, my temper would get the best of me.

Cue: "Love the way you lie" by Rihanna and Eminem.

From very early on, I was forced to do a lot of reflection so I understood these things about myself - and that was a good start. No one is perfect. We’re all human.

Around my final year in University, this girl I was going around was very into astrology. Her name was Raven. And I'm not saying that she had a bunch of tattoos and piercings or anything... but maybe she did. I've always been attracted to different. Naturally, I ended up picking up a few things from her because it was interesting… and I like interesting. So, one day, we were discussing compatibility and star signs; I always knew I was a Cancer and that we were supposedly very emotional but I never explored anything beyond that or paid it much attention. She explained that I belonged to the fourth astral house, governed by the moon and that my element was water. She then went on to explain stuff about rising planets and chakras but all I could focus on... was the fact... that my element was water.

WATER? It felt so disappointing. After all these years to find out I was water? Bland, boring water? I refused to accept it. I decided to do more research on my own to try and understand this deceit. This betrayal of a life I had been living. I made up my mind to do this without Raven. This had to be my own journey. The more I researched and the more I reflected, everything made sense as to why I was inarguably, the wateriest person I knew.

My affinity to fire didn’t come from being similar to it. Fire and I weren't in cahoots, but the exact opposite. As water, it was actually that I was drawn to fire, compelled to put it out – to consume it. A toxic desire that would go on to punctuate my every action for the rest of my life.

My overbearing personality came from that unconscious desire to flood a space and fill a room. I could probably still burn it with a sentence but hey...

Water is adaptable. It fits the shape of any object it fills which explained my ability to learn things so quickly - to absorb information.

...Water retains.

Water can be absolutely still but will immediately react to anything that comes into contact with it, even the slightest breeze. You drop a feather into a puddle of water, it will ripple. That’s why they say Cancers are emotional. We are susceptible to everything around us. And this is not entirely a bad thing because it is exactly what makes us more intuitive.

My temper didn’t come from just being hot-headed, it was due to the sensitivity of water. The more force you apply to water the more it reacts. The most dangerous of all the natural disasters are tsunamis and floods. There is more water on the earth than land. Similarly, our bodies are made up of 70% water. Of course water is life...

...Water protects.

I was always able to make friends very easily. I got along with people very well. I grew to understand how my element governed the types of friends I had and why we got on the way we did. How easily I was enthralled by my earth friends – as earth absorbs water. The way I’m easily annoyed by a simple action from my air friends but at the same time they are my most supportive friends – as wind influences water.

In the end, however, I could never get over my past appreciation for fire. But isn't it ironic how sometimes the things we're drawn to, aren't always best for us? It's scary to think that a connection wouldn't always be what we want it to be but that's okay. It's okay to take risks until we figure things out - even if we like it for all the wrong reasons. Not everyone has a Raven to show them the way.

I became obsessed with my newly found attribute which made me understand and appreciate so much more about myself. Learning that my sign is governed by the moon has given me a greater appreciate for the night. The moon affects the tides. The different phases of the moon also plays a part in my moods (another wonderful reason to fall into the stereotype).

I have a greater respect for large bodies of water and I have a new-found comfort in the ocean. I have a sense of acceptance. I feel calm and at peace...

...Waters settles.

Astrology isn’t just about the stars. There are so many things that work together hand in hand to make us the individuals we are. Human beings are highly complex creatures and it would be an injustice to ourselves to not try to understand as much as we possibly can about it.

I may not have the fire, but I can definitely absorb the burns.