A Lokean's Tale: Humble Beginnings

If you're wandering over this way after reading my article about "What To Expect When You're A Lokean", you'll notice that I shared bits and pieces about my personal experiences with Loki and how I came to know who He was. Since then, either through Him gently nudging me or me realizing that eventually the question would be asked, I've been thinking a lot of how I first encountered Him. Since now the creative juices are flowing, I figured now would be a good time as any to explain how I first met the Flame-Haired One.

Growing up, I always had a feeling that there were other beings out there besides God and Jesus, but never really explored the idea. Like many young girls, I was a drawn to witchcraft through popular shows like Sabrina The Teenaged Witch and Merlin as well as movies like The Craft.

Yeah, cheesy I know. But even so, all those shows and movies did was cause me to wonder if magic was real. And so began the descent down the rabbit hole to find out.

I want to paint a proper picture of exactly what my situation was that made things a little difficult: I grew up in a Christian home with parents that were raised both Baptist and Church of Christ, both of whom (though I love them dearly) had very staunch beliefs when it came to their respective religions. My father was a little more lenient in some regards by letting me sneak in books (mostly because he knew that there was nothing he could do to stop my curiosity) here and there about the occult but had my mother found out, there's a very very good chance that I would not be sitting here writing today. Her views were quite clear; all forms of paganism and witchcraft were evil and works of the devil and were not allowed in her home under any circumstances. So, as you may suspect, I had to be very very sneaky with any kind of research I did.

Thankfully, we live in an area in Kentucky that has bountiful woods that provide excellent cover for when I felt ready to take my research to the next level and try some of the rituals I'd read about. In retrospect, this probably wasn't the best thing to do as I realize now I could have potentially opened myself up to some very negative energy. Thank the Gods that never happened, but let this be a warning to the baby witches out there to be incredibly careful when setting out on your own.

It was during this time that I became aware that I wasn't completely on my own on my magical journey, and being the perceptive child I was, I started noticing odd occurrences. The first was that I seemed to attract all sorts of animals like cats, horses, dogs, and even on occasions birds- specifically crows. Come to think of it, crows were a big thing for me. No matter where I went, there always seemed to be a crow that was following along keeping a close eye on me. But where there was a crow, there also seemed to be either a butterfly, a spider, or a fox keeping tabs on me as weird as it may seem. Granted, the fox was rare to come across for me, but it always seemed to pop up when I least expected it.

I'll have no way of knowing for sure, but the one thing that really stood out to me then and now, was one night when I distinctly heard what sounded like a man calling my name in the midst of my waking up from a nightmare as a kid. I sat there for a good few minutes, trying to make sure that it wasn't my dad. But the voice in question wasn't anything like my dad's; it was deep like his voice, but there was something else that was different. It was very friendly and comforting, but seeing as I didn't quite understand who or where the voice was coming from... you can just imagine what happened next.

I ran screaming to my father telling him there was someone in my room to which he came in ready to raise hell... only to find nothing.

Awkward.

After that night, I never heard the voice again. Little did I know, however, that wasn't the last time that I would ever come face to face with it.

Fast forward a few years. By the time I encounter said the voice again, I'm 29 years old and dealing with the fallout that comes from a rough divorce and trying to find my way in the world all over again. The people that I was living with were Pagans just like me; however, where I was only following one deity at the time- the Morrigan- they housed a plethora from different pantheons; from the Greek, they had Hades and Persephone. Anubis was also there. The vast majority, however, were from the Norse, there was Freya; Fenrir; Thor; Hati; and the very topic of conversation Himself- Loki. Adding in a Celtic War Goddess, you can imagine that this had become quite the melting pot.

At this point, I was only vaguely familiar with the Norse pantheon. When it came to the Celtic and Egyptian pantheons, I was a little more well versed, especially given how the Morrigan had claimed me quite early on. But the more time I spent amidst all the deities and getting to know Their energy, I couldn't help but feel that They were a pretty chill bunch aside from the occasional chaos that would erupt, mostly because the Morrigan couldn't stand another War deity being close to Her but also because Loki's candle just happened to be nearby Her altar and- Loki being Loki- He just had to get a few pranks in on Her, namely stealing Her Dragon's Blood incense offering. What we failed to notice, was that that wasn't going to be the only thing He was trying to steal away.

Around this time, I had started talking with someone who told me over and over again that they cared for me and even loved me but didn't want a relationship yet strung me along nonetheless. I was investing a great deal of effort into trying to bring into fruition a relationship that would hopefully blossom into something that would be meaningful and fulfilling, however, my efforts would almost always backfire and I would end up wallowing in my depression and questioning my self-worth. It was in the middle of my wallowing that I caught myself talking aloud to any male deities that happened to be listening asking plainly, "From a male's perspective, if any of You have a good reason as to why I should or should not pursue this person, please tell me."

I'll give you three guesses as to who almost immediately came running.

I won't lie; when it came to Loki, I was a little hesitant around Him. His reputation indeed had proceeded Him and... well, I just didn't know what to make of the Trickster. But the fact that He of all the deities in the house came running first was enough for me to stop and take notice. And it was His words that stuck with me the most.

Why do you hold that man in such high regard when he clearly doesn't do the same for you?

I didn't know what to say to that. Honestly, I didn't know what to say to Him period even as He was casually leaning against the counter in my mind's eye watching me closely with those dancing emerald eyes of His. What was there to say? Even I had started questioning it myself, especially after the said man had pretty much ghosted me from the moment I arrived a bit closer to him. What struck me as odd the most, was that Loki's voice- or at least how He wanted it to sound to me- sounded oddly familiar, almost completely reminiscent of the voice I'd heard as a child. But it would take another couple of months for me to put two and two together.

That was the last time He talked to me, but it seemed like no matter what I was doing, I'd be vaguely aware of Him lingering close by. I didn't pay too much attention to Him at this point, mostly because I was still unsure of Loki and also because I was conversing a lot with potentially working with Anubis... or, at least, who I thought was Anubis. Those who have worked with Anubis will tell you that He has very distinct energy about Him and that He carries Himself differently from other Gods and Goddesses. Usually, Anubis is very quiet and usually doesn't crack a joke often- He does have a dark sense of humor, don't get me wrong- but the Anubis that I was engaging with, was very different.

Almost like someone was trying to play the part of another deity, but whose own energy was coming out and giving them away.

Almost two weeks into my initial interactions with Anubis, I decide to present an offering to Him as a way of breaking the ice with Him before going about my usual meditation. In the middle of said meditation, I start to not only feel a different energy, but I start to see someone that was very clearly NOT Anubis. This person was a man with dark hair and tattoos, someone who was tall but wasn't near as buff as other deities I'd seen in meditations. Usually, I just brush this off as a passing thought, but it wasn't until this man kept lingering in my mind refusing to be brushed off that I began to realize that this wasn't just any deity. He was interested in the offering I'd made for Anubis, and was making it clear that Anubis wasn't going to be coming around because it wasn't Anubis at all.

'Loki, you sneaky little bastard!" I'd said laughing, coming out of my meditation. I wasn't angry in the slightest, just amused but mostly confused as to what exactly He was doing sneaking off with an offering that wasn't His (but He wanted). I rush to my computer and start messaging an acquaintance that was familiar with working alongside Loki. She suggested a pendulum reading to see what the deal was.

First things first, we had to establish that it was Him.

'Are we speaking to Loki?" She asked. Almost immediately, the pendulum starting to swing in a clockwise motion. We both laughed, joking that He'd shown up as a tatted Tom Hiddleston because I had only seen that version of Him and hadn't looked into His actual history at this point. He was quick to confirm just that which only made our laughter intensify.

And then came the million-dollar question.

'Are You claiming Dani as Your own?" At first, the pendulum was still, then all of the sudden it began spinning clockwise again, but with the pendant itself pointing straight towards me as though He were pointing, saying 'I like this one. She's mine now." I was stunned. I wasn't sure what to make of this newfound information, and started asking more questions like the usual- 'Why me? I don't have an ounce of Icelandic blood in me, let alone follow the Heathen religion!" He sure as hell didn't care, He just wanted me. 'Have you always been with me?" Another circle. That's when it clicked.

'Was it You that I heard as a kid all those years ago?" I'd asked. Another big circle. It was at that moment that I heard His voice clear as day;

Don't you get it? I'm claiming you, darling.

Needless to say, the Morrigan wasn't exactly thrilled that a Norse Trickster God was entering- or rather re-entering- my world. Loki, on the other hand, was thrilled that I'd finally took notice of Him and went about settling Himself in my life as though He'd been there all this time. Before, I'd hardly had the energy to bring myself to do anything, but now I felt as though I had more energy than before. Creativity began to flow once more, creativity that I poured into my watercolor art. And the best part? The depression that had once taken hold of me was gradually starting to go away the more time I spent learning Loki's history and understanding the deeper meaning in the chaos He brings.

That was almost a lifetime ago now it seems. Now I'm back home with my parents, but many doors are opening to me in my new job and my art is still thriving. And while I still do have my bad days with depression and anxiety, I'm learning to live again while following a God that has helped me find laughter again. He still has to poke and prod me from time to time to get my butt moving, but it's all done to help me transform into a better version of the person that I was before. And if it means that He has to occasionally cause a bit of mischief here and there in my life, then so be it.

In conclusion, it's been an adventure since I finally acknowledged Loki and welcomed Him into my life. There's still much to do in terms of releasing that which doesn't serve me, and I'm sure there will be more challenges that will come my way to shift myself into who I am meant to be, but slowly but surely I will get there.

If you are looking to transform with Loki's help, just light up an orange candle, set out some sweets, and speak your truth. The Bringer-Of-Gifts is always listening.