Wrapped in a Blanket of Taboo

It was the last concert, in a series of Christmas concerts at the local church that had been going on for the last 2 months, every Saturday and Sunday evening. She was exhausted. Tired of putting on that horrible get up which consisted of a red button-down blouse that looked like one her oldest aunt would have worn back in the 90's. You know the one, 100% polyester high collard church blouse. To pair with the lovely red blouse, she had to wear a black skirt that fell just above the knees. Because it’s a church event and you can't show too much skin.

She had been in that choir since she was 12 years old. Obligated by her father who wanted her to use her talent in service to the Lord. She just wanted to play with the rest of the church kids. But her father's word is gospel, pun intended. 20 years later she found herself, once again, in another Christmas concert singing the same traditional songs that were older than time. There was beauty in that, of course. But after so many years she longed for something different. She tried to suggest new songs and most of the choir members supported her, but the choir leader always shut her down. Tradition it is!

However, it wasn't tradition that kept her participating in these types of events. And it wasn't her father either, he had passed away a few years ago. You would probably assume she wanted to honor her father's memory, and she knew he would be happy to know she continued in the church choir. For the first year or so, that was the reason she continued to participate. It wasn't terrible, these people were like her family. But she always felt creatively repressed. And just when she was about to quit, just when she thought it was enough... he came to church.

One look was all it took. Their eyes connected and she was hooked. He was everything she had ever wanted in a man. Tall, lean, handsome with a devilish spark in his eye and a kind heart. He was intelligent and well spoken, with an energy around him that drew you in. He was funny, charming and sweet. He was perfect. Except for one thing. He was a seminarian; well on his way to becoming a catholic priest.

He was everything she ever wanted in a man and more, all wrapped up in a huge blanket of taboo. And the worst thing about the situation is that he seemed to be just as infatuated with her as she was with him.

"Carla, hi!” he said enthusiastically as he walked towards her after the concert. "Merry Christmas! Great concert, you were amazing as usual.” His hazel eyes sparkled and he had a huge smile on his face. He wore black slacks and a white collared shirt, simple yet elegant. His hair was neatly combed and he wore it short on the sides and longer on the top, to where he could stylishly slick it up and to the side making him look younger than he was.

"Hey Jim!” she smiled. Her eyes sparkling just as much as his did. "Merry Christmas to you, too!” she tried to smooth down her hair, knowing there wasn't much she could do to help it look much better. The bright lights from the stage hit her right in the face and it made her sweat, which made the hair around her face and neck get damp and return to its natural curly state.

Jim pulled out a handkerchief from his back pocket and gave it to her. He had noticed her trying to wipe the sweat from her face earlier but didn't want to interrupt the concert to hand it to her in that moment. She looked like an angel with that light hitting her and making her glow, she was so beautiful. And her voice... there were no words. Oh God! He thought. There I go again! I can't keep thinking about her like this! He mentally admonished himself.

She took the handkerchief from him awkwardly. “Thank you!” she said and lowered her eyes a little embarrassed that he had noticed that she was sweating.

“Those spotlights can be intense. Trust me, I've been there. Plus, it may be Christmas, but it is Florida so....” he said laughing a little. “Anyway, where are you headed now?”

"Going over to my mom's house. We have family visiting from out of town so we're having a little party.” She was excited to see her cousins who were visiting from Puerto Rico.

Christmas was her favorite season of the year and when you added Puerto Rican Christmas, it got even better. The music got louder and more joyful, the food got spicier and more abundant and the people were... well let's just say happier.

"What about you?” she asked him.

“I'll be at the church tonight.” he said sadly. "My family decided to travel this year for Christmas and I couldn't get away to join them. Father David invited me to go with him to his family's home tonight but it didn't really sound like it would be such a good time.” he chuckled. Father David was pushing 70 and his family was his older brother and his wife who were probably in their seventies. And Jim knew they would all be asleep within an hour of dinner.

"Wait, so you're going to be alone? On Christmas Eve?” Carla said, concerned.

“Yeah. I'll probably just shower, watch Elf, then go to sleep. Maybe make some hot cocoa.” he looked at her, smiled and wiggled his eyebrows like he had suggested the evilest thing in the world.

"No! Come home with me!” She said earnestly. And completely surprised herself. She didn't expect to invite him anywhere. But they have been friends for over a year now. Her mom not only knew him, but she loved him! After all, he had gone to her mom’s house for family dinner a few times.

“Really?” he said incredulously and paused to think about it. “Okay! What time should I pick you up?” he continued and immediately felt guilty. That sounded like a date and he couldn't date. But no, they were just friends. He was going to spend Christmas with friends. It wasn't a date; it didn’t mean anything. Then why did he feel so nervous?

“Pick me up at 8.” she said and she smiled at him. She suddenly felt very happy. “See you in a few!” she said as she hugged him quickly and walked towards her car feeling giddy. She felt like she was walking on air. Oh wow! She thought to herself. I’m going to spend Christmas Eve with him. Best Christmas ever! She was almost skipping to her car. But she reminded herself they were just friends. She got in her car and drove straight home wondering what the hell she was going to wear?

It was 5 minutes to 8 when she heard a car pull up. She peaked through the window and saw his car just as she got a text from him that he was outside. She was already dressed and was putting on some lipstick. A spritz of her favorite perfume and she pulled on her black ankle boots. She gave herself one last look in the full body mirror before grabbing her jacket and running out the door.

He was a little early. Not too early and definitely not late. But the truth is if he would've let himself leave when he was ready, he would have gotten here a half hour early. He was so excited that he showered and dressed way too fast. One last look in the mirror before he left his apartment on the second floor of the church and he was at her house in 5 minutes.

"Wow! You look amazing!” he said and couldn't stop looking at her as she walked down her walkway towards his car.

“Why thank you, kind sir.” she said thankful for the night so he couldn't see her blushing.

"No, thank you for inviting me!” he said as she got in his car.

“My pleasure!” and she touched his arm lightly. Then pulled away thinking it was not welcomed.

They road in silence for the 10-minute drive. Both of them thinking about what would be the right thing to say to each other. Both of them completely infatuated with the other. Both feeling guilty about their feelings and thinking nothing can ever happen between them. Jim felt that he needed to go to confession every time he hung out with her. Carla felt that God had been unfair to her. Both felt helpless.

They arrived at Carla's mom's house and got out of the car. As they walked towards the door Carla turned to him and said “I forgot to tell my mom you were coming.” she paused for a moment. “Of course, she won't mind. I'm sure she'll be delighted, but she will definitely be surprised. Just a heads up.” she said and winked at him as he knocked on the door.

He turned to look at her and stared deep into her eyes. So many feelings came up in that moment. He wanted to hug her, to hold her to feel her in his arms. He wanted to love her. He wanted to be free to be with her. He could see himself traveling with her, building a home with her, growing old with her. He could see it. The whole marriage, kids, white picket fence thing that he had never wanted before. In that moment, he realized that the reason he had never wanted it before was because he hadn't met her.

His decision to become a priest had been his own, yes, but it had also been the product of many years of pressure. His family had been so proud of his interest in religion when he was younger. The priest from his parish was so excited to have someone that showed genuine interest in Theology. So great was his excitement that he pushed and pushed Jim to pursue a career in the ministry. The priest had convinced Jim to follow in his footsteps and his family excitedly contributed to the idea. And Jim had gone along with it. But he wanted so much more for his life. He wanted to be a teacher. He wanted to teach history, maybe even theology. But he was raised to believe that he needed to sacrifice for the greater good. However, now, for the first time in his life he had clarity.

As he gazed into Carla's warm brown eyes, he saw and understood that he no longer felt that way. He wanted to be happy and his happiness was Carla. He moved in closer to her, and looked at her lips. He really wanted to kiss those lips. She shifted slightly towards him, and he leaned in closer. Then abruptly pulled away when he heard the click of the door as it was opened and Carla's mom was there.

"Jim!” Maria exclaimed. “What a surprise! I'm so happy to see you!!” she pulled him in for a hug. “Come in, come in!” the joyful Spanish Christmas music was pouring out from the doorway. The delicious scent of roasting pork butt and arroz con gandules was wafting out the door, practically drawing them in.

"Hi, Maria!” he sniffed the air. “It smells delicious, as usual.” he walked in and put his hand behind him, as if trying to grab Carla's hand. He paused slightly waiting.

"Hola, mi'ja. Come inside, the family is waiting!” Maria said as she turned and walked back inside.

Carla stared at the hand that Jim had put out. Like it was going to bite her. She hesitated for a second and then grabbed his hand. His hand was warm, and she felt butterflies fluttering in the pit of her stomach. Was he about to kiss her? She could be wrong but, she felt it intuitively. But no, she must've been wrong. He can't kiss her. He's a seminarian. But that look he was giving her. She wondered what would've happened if her mom hadn't interrupted them.

He gently pulled her towards the living room and squeezed her hand as if to say we're not done. She followed him into the living room and held his hand until they heard what could only be described as a herd of running footsteps and then a bunch of small humans collided into her, almost knocking her over.

They let go of their hands as Carla’s little cousins engulfed her in an embrace that was full of laughter and love. They all spoke over each other trying to get her attention first. They pulled her over to the couch to sit with them and there was a lot of Spanish talk that Jim did not understand at all. Carla looked back at Jim, who stood near the doorway all of a sudden feeling a little shy. She mouthed the word “sorry” to him and sat down to greet her little cousins.

She saw her uncle walk over to Jim and say “El Novio, ¿ah?”

“Sorry, I don’t speak Spanish.” Jim said sheepishly.

“Oh, sorry!” Her uncle replied in a thick accent. “Boyfriend?” he said and wiggled his eyebrows at Jim.

“I hope so.” Jim replied quietly, but Carla who was watching the interaction carefully, heard him.

She didn’t say anything; now wasn’t the moment. But she looked at him questioning. He didn’t respond as more family walked over. Her uncle decided to announce that Carla’s novio was here and was telling everyone to come meet him.

Dinner went on without a hitch. The food was delicious and the music joyful. Her mother looked so happy. She looked at Carla, then at Jim, then at Carla again and smiled. She wondered what her mother was thinking. Had she heard her family talking about Jim being her boyfriend? I’m sure she would’ve said something about it. Carla was sure her mother wouldn’t approve. She was a devout Catholic after all.

Carla felt someone watching her and saw that Jim was trying to get her attention. He looked at the back door and then again towards her. He then got up from his chair and walked towards the door. She also got up and followed him. No one really noticed, they were all busy talking over each other and the music. Except Maria, of course. She was very aware of what was going on. Laughter followed them outside.

“So....” Jim began. They were outside, in Carla’s mom’s backyard. She had a beautiful garden full of green plants, flowers, and fruit trees. And among her pride and joy was her pear tree. They were standing under that tree.

Carla waited patiently, observing the small pears that were growing against all odds in the Florida cool weather. It really was a miracle that this tree was still giving fruit. It was a gift that Carla’s father had given her mother many years ago when she started gardening.

“Um... I... something happened.” he said nervously. “I...” he trailed off. “Screw it!” he pulled her towards him and kissed her quickly; not sure how she would respond. He wondered if she felt the same way he did. What if he had misread her? What if he had envisioned this life with her and she wasn’t interested? He wondered if she would push him away, she might think he was crazy to kiss her like that without warning.

She looked at him in shock! Had he just kissed her? The seminarian had kissed her! Oh Lord, forgive me! She prayed in her head as she moved in closer. He opened his arms and brought her in closer. She looked at him deeply then, taking a moment to revel in the nearness of him and forgetting for a moment who he was. She leaned in closer and let him meet her halfway.

He smiled slightly as he realized that she was not running away from him. He leaned in and under the pear tree, he kissed her long and deep.