With Joy in Your Heart

1 | It was spring thaw in Chicago, which meant one thing - Violet would be using the heat in her car on the way to work, and the air conditioning on the way back. She was freezing, stubbornly trying to refrain from using the heat out of a dumb, self-imposed rule of trying to avoid using heat and air in the same day. She running late, stuck in traffic that was heavier than usual for the morning commute on 290. When she finally saw a break in traffic ahead, she could see it was due to a car accident. Violet's stomach sank as she passed the crash where a car had been overturned and crushed from the back like an accordion laying perpendicular to the flow of traffic, and a red pickup truck with this front end smashed in. The driver of the pickup truck looked worried as he was talking to the policeman while paramedics were trying to get to the people in the overturned car. Please, Violet thought, let them be safe. She prayed there hadn't been anyone in the backseat of the car.

A memory of the phone call she received from the police the evening her parents had died flashed in her mind and a chill ran down her spine. She sadly wondered if someone else was about to get that same call this morning. She shook herself out of it, threw on the heat, hit the accelerator and caught up with the flow of traffic.

Parking was always hell on Monday mornings, and she ended up finding a space in a free lot 2 blocks away. Nothing like jogging in a wool coat 2 blocks when you're late for you 9am team status meeting. She dashed off the elevator, straight through the double glass doors past reception and into the conference room. The team was already gathered except for their boss.

"Psst! Saved you a seat girl," Josie said as she waved Violet over. Violet sat down, and Josie slid a Venti hazelnut latte in front of her.

"You are a Goddess! How did you know I wouldn't already have one?" Violet closed her eyes as she inhaled the sweet smell of her much needed drink.

"I didn't, but you can never have too much," she replied back. Josie always had Violet's back, and almost always knew what she was thinking.

"Cheers to that. And thank you to my patron saint, St. Starbucks, for giving us the blessing of coffee; you have my undying gratitude," Violet said as she held up her cup in salute that brought a giggle from Josie. Actually giggle wouldn't be quite right, more like a guffaw. People turned around for a moment to give her a side eye, and Josie blushed and tucked her head down and looked at the table until the looks subsided.

Josie turned back to Violet, "Anyways, you must have a horseshoe up your ass, Mike called in late because of an accident holding up traffic on 290. He's been stressing over the client visit at the end of the quarter since it's a make or break deal. He's been looking for someone to take it out on."

Violet's grin turned into a grimace, "I know. I wouldn't call it luck though, I passed that accident. That's why I was late too. It was a bad one."

"Oh, Vi," Josie threw a sympathetic arm around her shoulders, "I know seeing stuff like that is hard for you. Are you doing okay?"

"Yeah, but the sooner we can get to work and I can get my mind off it, the better." As soon as she said the words, their boss, Mike, walked through the door.

"Sorry I'm late guys, bad accident on the highway. That being said, we have a ton of work to do, so just get your updates in the status sheet and hang back if you have any urgent issues."

As everyone got up from the table, dismissed, Josie turned to Vi and said in a hushed tone only she could hear, "It would have been nice if he'd told the receptionist that when he called so we all could have gotten more done, but whatever." Violet giggled quietly as they walked out the door. Violet and Josie parted ways at her cubicle and she put her coat and purse down, got her laptop out of her back and connected it to the docking station. As she started her computer up, she saw the light on her desk phone flashing. She picked up the receiver, pressed the button for voice mail, entered her password and listened.

"Hi my little flower, it's Mimi. I couldn't find the new cell number you gave us so thought I'd try you on your work number. Anyways, Pop-pop and I are finally getting around to fixing up that old run-down barn of ours and was wondering since we haven't seen you in a while, if you'd like to come down and stay for a visit and pitch in. I don't want to inconvenience you; I know you have your big job up in Chicago, so don't feel like you have to come, just thought I'd ask. Okay, I have to get back to it sweetie, hugs and kisses, buh-bye."

Violet sighed as she deleted the message and put the receiver down. Of course she would have to go. She hadn't seen or visited her grandparents since the funeral. Sure, she called them once a week to check in, but it's not the same as seeing them in person. It would be nice to see them, and even better to have some of Mimi's cooking. She'd been living off Chinese takeout and pizza for way too long. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd even used her oven. She wrote a note on a post-it to call Mimi back, and got logged into work.

Around noon, she was on her way to the restroom as she ran into Mike in the hall on his way to lunch. "Mike," she said, "I'm glad I caught you. I needed to talk about taking some time off to help my grandparents."

Mike gave her a stern look like he was chewing something over. "Is it something that can wait until next quarter? We're slammed, and you're one of my best campaign managers; I don't think I can let you take time off on such short notice. Is this a family care leave or a visit? Do you need to go care for them?"

"No, no it's nothing like that. No one is sick; no one is hurt. They are fixing up an old barn and I'm just worried about them. Actually, if I don't go help them, somebody could end up getting hurt. They aren't elderly but they aren't young either. I'm just worried about them. And I haven't really taken any time off in the last year and a half, since..."

"Right, you're right. You have been working pretty relentlessly. I just want to put our best work into this project. Can you meet me halfway and bring your laptop with you for questions or issues, and maybe put in a few hours of work here and there?"

Mike was looking at her desperately. She knew she was needed here, but she knew her grandparents needed her too. And family is a higher priority than work, though she hadn't exactly set the precedent. "Sure," she conceded, "I can bring my phone and laptop, I'll try to get some work done; I don't want to leave anyone hanging."

After calling Mimi back and leaving her a voicemail that she'd be heading down that evening for an extended stay, a quick turnover of work to Josie with --according to Josie, an "unnecessary" apology for dumping her work on her and a promise that she'd be as available as possible around helping on a farm, she was off to her apartment in the suburbs (which meant more driving and traffic). Then she packed a few suitcases, got her laptop and all her chargers packed, threw them into her trunk and set off for the drive to southern Illinois. As expected, the sun was beating down on her windshield, heat off, and windows rolled all the way down.

2 | Eight hours and 2 emergency bathroom stops because of the energy drinks later, she was pulling off the dark deserted dirt road onto the long, crunchy gravel driveway up to her grandparents’ two-story farmhouse. Back in Chicago the temps would be dropping again, but here in the southern end of the state, spring was in full swing. The light on the front porch was on. Violet had no doubt that the door was unlocked. She dragged her suitcases up to the front steps of the porch, opened the swinging screen door, hauled her bags up and over to the front door, rapped lightly on the door in case anyone was up, as she turned the knob and walked in.

"Hey there flower, I knew you'd make good time." Pop-pop got up from his recliner, and slowly made his way over to Violet. "Let me help you with those."

"Hiya Pop-pop," said Violet as her grandfather wrapped her up in a hug. Edwin Marshall was a very traditional man who believed chivalry was only dead if you killed it. He smelled like tobacco and old spice, and his hugs were as comforting as being wrapped in a warm blanket. "You don't need to do that. I can just leave these down here til morning. I have all my essentials in my shoulder bag for now. I hope you weren't just staying up waiting for me, I could have navigated my way to the spare room or a couch."

"Wouldn't hear of it. Besides, it's nice to have a reason to stay up once in a while. Good to shake up the old routine, keeps me young. Your Mimi left you a plate wrapped in the fridge, said to warm it up for 2 minutes in the microwave. It's her meatloaf and mashed tatoes, and I left an Alka-Seltzer on the counter for you."

"I appreciate it pops," said Violet, "Now you get on up to Mimi and get some sleep, I can handle myself for the night." Then she gave him a kiss on the cheek and made her way to the kitchen.

3 | It had been a long time since Violet woke up to the sunrise and a rooster crowing, but here she was, completely unprepared for it as she rolled off the side of the pull out sofa in the spare room. Dressed in a t-shirt and flannel pajama pants, she set off to breakfast where she could hear her grandmother already working furiously in the chicken. She could smell the bacon from the hallway, and the biscuits and gravy the closer she got. She took a moment to slowly inhale the lovely scent of real homemade food. But first, coffee.

Violet rounded the corner to the kitchen to say hello and good morning to her grandmother but stopped short with her breath caught in her throat. Ethan, her longtime childhood friend, and ex-boyfriend was sitting at the big, round kitchen table sipping coffee chatting with her Mimi with an empty plate with some crumbs and the remnants of some gravy sitting in front of him.

"Oh, Vi, my little flower, how did you sleep sweetie?" Mimi quickly wiped her hands on the hand towel in her apron and hurried over to Violet to give her a big hug. She held on for longer than was usual but noticed Violet had stood stiff as a board, looking like she'd seen a ghost and turned to see what she was looking at. "Oh! I should have mentioned on my message I left you yesterday. Ethan is in between projects and volunteered to help Pop-pop and me as well. I think with the four of us, we'll get this barn into tip-top shape in no time, don't you think?"

"Um-hmmm," was all Violet was able to manage. She felt like her throat was closing up.

Ethan was one of the reasons she took the job in Chicago and left in the first place. They had been together since childhood as friends, then dating, everyone just naturally assumed they'd settle down, get married and have lots of babies. He did as well. In some way, she had too, but not in the way everyone wanted. She wanted to get a college education, travel and see the world, then settle down, maybe somewhere else, maybe back home and a time in the distant future. So when that first Christmas after high school graduation rolled around, and he got down on one knee in front of her entire family, all with anticipatory looks on their faces, the weight of everyone's expectations in that moment had just crushed her. And then she did the one thing she never wanted to do, she crushed him. She told him she couldn't marry him, not so soon when they were so young. It had been followed by silence and a lot of people staring at the ground, no one knowing what to say to break the tension. She ended up retreating to her room and spending the rest of the holiday there until everyone else had left. Her mother tried to console her, and told her maybe they could work through it, but she had seen the look on his face and had known she had broken his heart. Shortly after that, she'd started applying at colleges and for jobs away from home, and not long after that had been accepted to Northwestern University in Chicago. She packed up her life into a couple suitcases and moved up to the city, rarely visiting since. After college, she started and apprenticeship at her current company and had worked her way up since then. She hadn't had much in the way of a romantic life. In fact, since she had broken up with Ethan, she avoided intimacy and dating at all costs, and threw herself into her work. But here she was face to face with him, completely mute, without a thought in her brain that she could process into words.

"Hey Vi," he said. "I'll try to give you some space; this is probably weird seeing me in Mimi's kitchen." Since when did he call her Mimi? "I just stopped in for some food and coffee and I'm off to help Ed. Elaine, thanks again for breakfast." With that, he gulped down the last of his coffee, grabbed one last biscuit and headed out the door.

"Well, you can stop standing there like a deer in the crosshairs now. Sit down, eat up, then go get yourself dressed." Elaine turned as she smirked in amusement at her granddaughter's reaction to seeing her first (and only) love for the first time in 8 years.

4 | When Violet caught up with her grandparents and Ethan at the barn, the sun was still rising and it had looked like they'd already gotten a good bit of work done. It was already cleared out of equipment, straw, and any vermin that may have been nesting, and the floor cleaned. The next part was assessing the structure itself, testing the existing wood panels for any rot or damage, tallying up all the wood they'd need, and a plan on how they would restore the existing wood that they would keep. All in all it was a busy day's work. While checking the planks of wood nailed up on the back wall of the barn, Ed came up by his grand-daughter and gave her an assessing look. "You just wanted to start at the back, or are you diligently avoiding the possibility of conversation with Ethan?"

"I haven't visited nearly as much as I should, and yet you still know me too well," said Violet with a smile, without taking her eyes off her work. "I just don't know what to say. I don't know where I stand with him, and I just feel like an ass if I'm being honest. I never really stopped caring about him, but everything went so terribly wrong after he'd proposed... We had had conversations about the future and I was very adamant about going to college and having a career and not just feeling like I was doing what was expected or dependent on someone else. I had told him that when we did get married, I wanted it to be because we were ready and still loved each other, and not because I needed to be married to someone to take care of me. When he proposed, we were only 18 years old, we'd just finished high school, and for the first time, I felt like he didn't really understand me or what I wanted, or maybe he didn't care as much as what he wanted and was hoping I'd go with it. But still, all in all, I looked like an absolute jerk for how it all went down in front of the whole family. I didn't know how to recover from it."

"So you ran away."

"I went ahead with my plans for myself. I mean, yeah I jumped to it faster than I'd intended, but I didn't run away. This was what I had wanted. Well, I haven't really traveled as much as I wanted. I maybe had one or two girls’ weekends, before mom and dad--," she couldn't quite bring herself to finish the thought.

"Sweet pea, you have to stop beating yourself up about that. What happened to your parents, was not your fault-- no, no I can see you wanting to interrupt because that little voice in the back of your head is telling you not to listen to me, but you have to listen to me. What happened to your parents was an accident."

Violet closed her eyes and took a deep breath. How this went from one conversation that she didn't want to have, to another conversation that she really didn't want to have, she had no idea, but down the rabbit hole we are. "How can you say it's not my fault? Yeah, I know it was an accident, but they were on that highway because of me. They were coming to see me. They'd been asking and asking me to come home for a visit for a while, and I kept avoiding it. They took matters into their own hands and decided to come to me. If I hadn't run off to Chicago for school, if I hadn't ignored their requests to come home after I graduated, they never would have been driving to Chicago in the first place. They never would have blown that tire, and that semi never would have crushed their car under its massive, massive wheels!" Violet's voice had started out calm but ended on a panicked shriek. Her grandmother and Ethan had looked up from what they were doing and over at her, but Elaine put a hand on Ethan's shoulder and guided him out of the barn to give Violet and Ed some privacy.

Ed gave Violet a moment of quiet to catch her breath and calm down a little bit, then put his arm around her and pulled her in for one of his famous pop-pop bear hugs and gave her a squeeze. They stayed that way in silence for a few minutes and finally Violet let herself cry. She let herself sob into her grandfather’s shoulder. After the four years since her parents’ accident, she let herself grieve. After a while, her crying abated and left her feeling a little drained and hollow, but something in her heart had definitely changed. She was finally getting closure, finally forgiving herself. She was getting it all out, with someone else as close to her parents as she was, and after holding it all in for so long, she finally felt like she could breathe again.

After she wiped some tears and Pop-pop gave her a vintage handkerchief to handle the rest of her sniffles, she stifled out a short apology for slobbering all over the shoulder of his shirt, and he gave her a cursory wave, "don't worry about it, I work on a farm. A little snot is one of the least gross things I'll have on my shirt today. But now that we finally got you talking, it's my turn to talk. First of all, you said it yourself - they "took matters into their own hands and decided to come to" you. You can't take responsibility for their decisions. They were grown adults, you are their daughter, and they’ve been driving for over 30 years. You can't blame yourself for everything that might not have happened. You could have stayed here and never left and their car could have been hit by a tractor on their way to the grocery store. None of this is your fault. It's a tragic accident that happened. I miss them dearly, but sweet pea, we miss you too and you're still alive. We've been missing you something fierce, and no one here blames you for what happened. You can unload that burden now, and that's that. Your Mimi and I expect to be seeing you for every major holiday from here on out, you hear me?"

"You bet," she replied with more sniffling and another hug.

"Now about this business with Ethan--"

"Pop-pop can we please hold on that conversation? I think I've had enough emotional breakthroughs for one day." Violet hoped the look she was giving him was pleading enough to drop it.

"Aw, Flower, now you know I don't let up so easy. Besides, that's how this conversation started, so we're going to tackle it right now. All I was going to ask was - of all those things you told me about how you felt... Have you ever actually talked to Ethan about them? Maybe while you're here, you can get some closure for that too."

At that moment, Violet's back pocket began to buzz. "Oh, I forgot I had my cellphone in my pocket. One sec pop, looks like work, I gotta take this." He looked at her skeptically. "No really, I'm not avoiding the conversation, I just haven't checked in and I promised I'd be available."

Violet walked out of the barn, a little ways into the field in open area trying to find the best signal. She realized she may need to invest in a satellite phone out here if she has any hope of helping. As it is, she's going to be dependent on her tethering to get on work from her laptop. "Hello?"

"Vi? Hey, it's Josie. You have a minute? Really need to talk."

"What's up Jos?"

"It's the client visit at the end of the quarter. They just moved it up to the end of the month."

"You're kidding me?" Violet started to feel an overwhelming sense of panic, there was no way she'd be able to get much done from here let alone on a third of the timeline. "I'm so sorry Josie, I'm not going to be able to come back from my leave early, I just can't. Are you up to the task for this? I really hate to dump this one on you, especially with how Mike has been about it."

A slight pause, then, "I'm okay. I may be hitting you up with questions more frequently but honestly, I really think I'm good. I'm feeling pretty confident, even with the deadline moved up. It kinda kicked in my adrenaline and ideas just started flowing. I just wanted to let you know in case you get a call from me in the next few days and weeks if I'm freaking out on the phone or something. At least you'll know why. Also, you may be getting a call from Mike because he is just fuh-reaking out about it. He doesn't really seem to trust the rest of us. He's been such an ass talking to us like we're children, suuuuper patronizing."

"Ugh, okay well hopefully he will shut up about it once he hears what you have planned. I'm actually really happy for you. Maybe you needed me to leave so you could really shine. He's been way too dependent on me the last year. It's probably just because I never take time off - he's equating being a workaholic with being passionate about the job. Really I've just been doing it to avoid my own thoughts haunting me. Okay, I gotta go, the reception out here sucks, but between you having an epiphany on the project and me having an emotional breakthrough here, I'd say all in all things are looking up."

"Emotional breakthrough? Okay well, we'll have to find a night where you can call me from a landline and you can tell me all about it. Okay boss-man is coming back from lunch, talk to you later."

"Okay, bye-ee," and they both hung up quickly. With that, she headed back to the barn just in time for her grandparents to give her and Ethan a to-do list to run into town. So much for the short-lived emotional reprieve.

5 | Heading to town in Ethan's pickup started in an uncomfortable silence, which couldn't last forever since it was a 40 minute drive to town. Or maybe it would. The awkward tension was suffocating Violet, so she did what anyone would do. She started babbling and asking questions she immediately regretting and wished she could scoop the words back into her mouth. "So... It's been a while... I'm sure you've settled down by now. You have any little ones?" Why, why, why she asked that, she had no idea.

"Uhhh actually no, but wow, not even going to start with the weather or anything, huh?" He was teasing her, but she had the decency to blush and close her eyes while she mentally kicked herself.

"I'm so sorry, I don't know why that was the first question I asked. I don't even know what I'm saying, you don't owe me any personal information about you, just forget I said anything." And so the ride continued another 5 minutes in silence.

"I don't... by the way," he quietly muttered in her direction eyes locked on the road ahead.

Violet shook out of her mental distress, "What?"

"Little ones. I don't have any little ones. I haven't really settled down with anyone. I had been seeing Emma for a while. A couple years actually. But she wanted to get married and I just wasn't in the same place. After what happened between us, and I still have..." Ethan abruptly stopped talking. He could not have gripped the wheel tighter, and he sure as hell didn't intend to finish that sentence.

"Emma? Emma Talmond?" Violet remembered her friend Emma from elementary school. She was sweet and shy, where Violet was always headstrong and took charge. She had a hard time seeing Ethan with someone that was the polar opposite as her. Not that it was any of her business to be deciding what kind of person he should or shouldn't be with, she told herself.

"Mmhmm," he nodded.

"So... how is she doing? I mean aside from you're breaking up with her and all. I mean, I don't know what I mean. Oh my god, I'm not good at this."

"No, that you are not," he chuckled. Well, at least her putting her foot in her mouth repeatedly was breaking some of the tension, she thought. She hadn't heard his laugh in such a long time. She forgot how at home it made her feel. Some of the tension in the back of her neck and shoulders eased and she exhaled a breath she didn't realize she'd been keeping in.

The rest of the ride to town was more relaxed. She told him about her job and Chicago and the people and places. He filled her in on all the gossip about everyone they'd gone to school with. They talked about such different things, and yet their conversation fell into sync.

They pulled up to the hardware store and parked by the curb and crossed the street. She figured she'd lead with two options and let Ethan decide - "Should we divide and conquer or stick with the buddy system in case someone needs another set of hands?"

"Buddy system. There's a bunch from mostly the hardware store here, and I wouldn't want to miss the opportunity of your stuttering and rambling with any other old schoolmates," he teased while smiling at her. She could get lost in that smile and his mocha colored eyes. Such a rich brown, like a piece of chocolate cake. She loved chocolate cake...

Before she could retort-- or even get her brain functioning, she heard "Hey there stranger" from behind her. She turned around and saw none other than Emma Talmond walking over. She'd clearly been talking to Ethan, because she gave a surprised and somewhat confused pause in her step when she saw Violet. "Violet, hey... Um, how have you been? When did you get into town? Are you staying long?" She was asking Violet but she was mostly looking over at Ethan. Violet felt slightly interrogated.

"Just came down last night to help my grandparents with the barn they finally decided to restore, then back to work in Chicago once it's all done." The three stood there for a bit. Just what Violet needed, more awkward silence. "So... we better get our to-do list to-done before we're home too late and get a lecture about productivity. It was good to see you again Emma."

"You too..." Emma walked by but kept looking over her shoulder at Ethan.

Violet turned to Ethan, "Hey E, you sure she knows you two broke up? Because she's staring a hole through you." When he didn't answer she looked up at him to see he had just been looking at her this whole time.

"It's been a long time since you called me "E" Vi. You're the only one who ever did. I didn't realize how much I missed it til now."

After an hour and a half of shopping in town, they had everything packed up in the truck and were on their way back.

Violet sat in the passenger seat trying to think of anything but what she wanted to ask, but coming up with nothing, her curiosity got the better of her. "So... how did you and Emma--"

"I'm still in love with you Vi." The statement hung in the air and then he continued, "Time has done nothing to change how I feel about you, and I can't keep pretending like you being here isn't killing me. How did Emma and I get together? That's easy. There was no one else here, you were gone, and I thought it would help me get over you. And it didn't. And she doesn't get that and seems to still think she can change my mind, but she can't. Why did Emma and I break up? Because I realized I was wasting my time, because she wasn't you. You were -- ARE my everything. My life has been in limbo since you took off."

"I don't know what to say, E", and she really didn't. She had so much she wanted to say and so much she wanted to ask, but in that moment, no words came to her.

"Okay let's start with this - I thought you felt the same way about me that I felt about you, so why did you turn down my proposal and run away to Chicago?"

"WHY does everyone keep saying I ran away? You of all people." Now the dam broke, and the first thing to flood out was fury and indignation. "I did not run away." Ethan scoffed. "No, no you don't get to do that until I'm done talking and then you can answer me some questions. I didn't run away, I went away to school, which you and everyone else knew I wanted for myself. But everyone made me feel like I was being selfish. My whole family. I never said I never wanted to marry you or that I even wanted to break up, but you knew what I wanted for a future and you proposed to me right out of high school and my whole family knew about it. I would have been married with 2 kids to raise before I was even old enough to drink, and every dream I'd ever had, poof! Gone. I couldn't believe that you would care so little for what I wanted. I don't see why you had to rush and put me on the spot like that."

Ethan pulled the truck over to the side of the road and turned towards her. "Violet Ann Marshall, I never ONCE said we had to get married right away. I know you wanted to go to school away from home. My God, I even had a bunch of brochures at home with schools in different places I thought you might like that were close to fun activities or sights to see, with majors I thought you'd like. I even thought, maybe instead of taking over as handyman from my dad, I'd go with you to college or at least a college near you. We could have had as long of an engagement as you wanted, I just wanted to show you how serious I was that I loved you. I didn't want you to go off to college and worry that I wouldn't still be here when you got back. And who's to say even if we did get hitched soon after, that we couldn't still go to school and build careers and a life and travel before settling down to have kids. I didn't care how or when, I just wanted you."

The moment hung in the air between them. Finally all the things they both wanted to say was out in the air, and dammit her grandfather was right. If she'd only talked to him. She really did run away. They could have had the last eight years together, she still could have gone to school. Who knows what their lives would look like right now?

"...so yeah. You could have just talked to me about it before leaving."

"Yeah, well... You could have proposed without it being in front of everyone I know so maybe I would have felt like I could have talked to you about it."

"That's fair." He looked at her intensely for a good minute before asking, "So where does this leave us? I mean are you seeing anyone? You know how I feel."

The floodgates opened again and Violet started crying. She told him how she still loved him. She wished she had talked to him then, and wants to figure out how they can work now. He just held her for a while pouring all his warmth and caring into just that gentle touch.

After her crying stopped and her breathing evened out, she brought her head up to face him. She could smell the cologne on his neck and feel the stubble of his short trimmed beard against her cheek. Her eyes glistened from all the shed tears, and his eyes smoldered. Her breathing became rapid as her heart sped up and skipped a beat as he gently ran his hand across her cheek and into her hair as he leaned down and they melted into a deep kiss. A minute later, they were all hands and flying clothes like they were teenagers again with only an hour to curfew. It felt good to be with Ethan again, and Violet vowed not to take one moment for granted. When they both were thoroughly satisfied, they looked at the clock and got their clothes back on in a hurry in a mad dash back to the farm so there wouldn't be too many questions.

They pulled into the drive and around the house straight to the barn and unloaded the truck. Thirty minutes later they walked through the door hand in hand while the flushed looks on their faces registered to Mimi and Pop-pop. They smiled and invited them to the table for a late dinner. Mimi heated it up for them, put it out in front, gave Violet a kiss on the head and left the kitchen with a smile on her face. She called for Ed to call it an early evening and retire to bed so they can get up early the next day since there wasn't any daylight left to work by. There was no lecture about being late, no admonishing for their dinner getting cold. No one had to say anything; everything was right with the world.

6 | The next morning, Violet was out of bed before sunrise getting ready and full of energy. Today would be a good day. She got downstairs and started helping Elaine with breakfast. Ed came in from feeding the animals as the breakfast potatoes were finishing browning in the pan, and Ethan walked in as food was being set out at the table. If felt like a real family meal. Everyone was together, and everyone was happy.

The weather was balmy from and light evening mist but was drying as the sun was coming up. Ethan, Ed and Violet got to work on the barn while Elaine took care of the other daily chores. It was a hard morning’s work, but by lunch, they could see it was worth it. All the broken planks had been removed; the old, peeling, flaking paint had been scraped off. They were satisfied with the progress and took a break for lunch. After lunch, they intended to carefully lift the barn to lower the foundation and replace rotting sills and wall posts to make sure the structural integrity of the barn was safe to use once the cosmetic repairs were taken care of.

Lunch was another hearty meal. Home cooked stew, all from vegetables and beef tended and produced right on the farm. Violet couldn't remember eating so well in the last few years than she had in the last two days. If she kept it up, she'd have to let out her clothes. She chugged down the rest of her farm fresh milk, and she and Ethan headed back out to the barn to make a plan on coordinating the lift. Ethan was discussing with Violet about putting the jacks to lift the barn in the north and south walls since the worst of the rot was on the east side, likely from water sitting on the side and not much sunlight past noon to dry it up as quickly as the other sides. Violet was looking at the beams they needed to fit through the barn and was thinking they may want to call in reinforcements. Maybe Ethan had some friends around town that owed him some favors.

Just then they heard Ed yell from the house, "Lainey!"

Violet had never in her life heard her grandfather yell for help and her adrenaline kicked in. She must have been halfway across the field to the house before Ethan even realized that someone was yelling. Violet crashed through the door to see her grandfather lying on the floor clutching his chest, face red and breathing labored while her grandmother was kneeling on the floor next to him with her hand on his shoulder for comfort as she was calling 911, the phone cord stretched across half the kitchen. Violet took the phone from her grandmother and finished telling the emergency operator the address and the route to navigate to the house once on the property, while her grandmother tried to keep Ed comfortable. Ethan came running in and assessed the situation.

"I can drive him in my pickup faster than an ambulance could get all the way out here," he said, "or they can meet us halfway at least, it should shorten the time it takes to get him to the hospital. Violet prayed they would get her grandfather help in time. It wasn't like the city where everything was close.

"No, we can't," Elaine insisted, "His doctor said at his last appointment that he wanted to keep an eye on his cholesterol and that if he had a heart attack to give him aspirin, lay him on his back and bring his knees up until emergency services arrive." Ethan quickly grabbed Ed's legs and helped position him as Violet hung up the phone while they all surrounded Ed feeling helpless as they waited for an ambulance.

7 | Forty-five minutes. It took forty-five minutes for emergency help to arrive. The EMT's put Ed on a stretcher and rolled him into the back of the ambulance, and Elaine climbed up with the assistance of an EMT and sat on the bench next to Ed's stretcher as they locked the wheels in place and closed the doors. Ethan and Violet jumped into his pickup and followed close behind.

At the hospital, Violet and Ethan tried to push down their own fears and consoled Elaine as they waited for a doctor to come out and give them an update.

"Did they give him nitroglycerin in the ambulance?" Violet had no idea if EMTs could even administer that kind of medication.

"I don't know what they were giving him," Elaine said her jaw tight and shaking trying to suppress sobs. "They gave him a few things but I didn't want to get in their way while they were helping him. He didn't look good when they took him off the ambulance into the ER, but he was alive."

"Ed's a fighter, Mimi," Ethan chimed in. "If anyone can survive anything, it would be him. You just watch."

Violet wanted to say something positive and comforting, but she was chewing her lip trying to choke down her own feelings. Tears stinging her eyes as she thought about how nice their morning had all been together. She pulled out her phone to let Josie know Pop-pop had a heart attack and that they were at the hospital and she would call her later after they got an update. She knew Josie would say the right thing. As she hit send, a text from her boss Mike popped up, "Call me ASAP"

Violet replied back, "Can't right now. Family emergency."

Just then the doctor came into the waiting room. "Mrs. Marshall?"

"Yes?" Elaine popped up from her seat as she, Violet and Ethan all crowded the doctor.

"I'm so sorry. We did everything we could, but it was just too late. He suffered from a major heart attack. The term for it is ST segment elevation myocardial infarction. I'll give you and your family a few minutes and then I can take you back to see him and say good-bye." With that the doctor walked back through the door he'd entered by as Violet, Elaine, and Ethan stood in stunned silence. Then, slowly, they reached out to each other linking hands and pulling into a hug and everyone let their tears flow.

Ten minutes later, a nurse came out for Elaine, wrapped a sympathetic arm around her shoulder and guided her through the door for a moment alone with her husband.

Ethan grasped Violet's hand, "Vi, I'm so sorry," he said, arms wrapped around her, kissing the top of her head, her tears flowing onto his arm, his flowing into her hair. Ed had been like a surrogate grandparent to Ethan growing up since Violet and he were so close and his grandparents had passed when he was very young. "I'm going to go out and make a few phone calls to let close friends know what's going on. Do you need anything? Will you be okay for a few minutes?"

"I'm okay. I should call my friend Josie and let her know. I had texted her earlier that we were at the hospital for Pop-pop. I could use a few minutes alone to process too."

Ethan gave her a kiss on the cheek and said, "I'll be right out in the hall, just pop the door open and wave if you need me," and he left the waiting room.

Violet heaved a sigh feeling empty, not sure what to do but sit and stare at the linoleum tile floor and the room full of empty chairs. She was thinking of what she should do after the funeral arrangements were made. She wasn't going to let her grandmother stay alone on the farm. Should she setup an office and work remote from here? Maybe quit her job and stay and help with the farm? Just then her pocket started vibrating again. She grabbed the phone and answered without checking who it was, thinking it was probably Josie checking in on her.

"Violet? It's Mike. Where the hell have you been? I have an emergency and I need to talk to you. Josie showed me her ideas and I don't know if she has the experience or ability to pull any of them off; I really need you back here." Violet's head was spinning. She wasn't emotionally able to handle the stress of a phone call like this while she was trying to figure out how to grieve.

"Mike, I can't. I told you there was a family emergency, and I ca--," she couldn't finish the sentence before Mike cut her off.

"Violet I get that there's an emergency and you have to help with the farm, but there's an emergency here too and this is your job, I need you here as soon as possible. It's not like anyone died or anything. You can finish the project, present at the end of the month, then you can take a six month hiatus for all I care."

"ACTUALLY," she started as she stood from her chair. This was a feeling she could handle right now. Rage. "SOMEONE DID JUST DIE YOU INCONSIDERATE, SELFISH, SELF-INVOLVED ASSHOLE!"

"I, uh, I'm sorry to hear that. I really am, I didn't know. You can take the three days bereavement leave to make arrangements, then I'll need you back here. We'll also need to discuss with HR the words you chose to use to speak to an executive of the company."

That. Was. It. "Are you kidding me? You really think I'm coming back after this? You're insane!" Ethan came through the door after having heard her yelling. "You can take this job and shove it up your ass, MIKE. I quit!" She threw her phone down on the chair, collapsed down onto it, put her face in her hands, and screamed into them. Ethan put his arm around her and they just sat there. There was nothing to say. Today was a shit day, all around.

8 | Four days later was the funeral. Everyone in town was crammed in her grandparents little living room for the reception after. There were people standing by the brick fireplace, around the beige overstuffed polyester couches, sitting on the arms of the couches when there wasn't room left on them. Everyone was sharing stories of Ed, and how he could be counted on to come help anyone in town whenever help was needed. He'd give you the shirt off his back, and stay all day to make sure the job was done; then he'd go home to work on his own chores so Elaine wouldn't have to handle everything herself at home. Elaine talked about how he was the love of her life, how she couldn't have found a better husband. Their families had been neighbors growing up and she never knew what life was without him. Everyone's heart was breaking for her in that moment as she sat in her chair next to his, where Violet was sitting. Violet held her grandmother's hand. Her grandfather's chair smelled just like him. Tobacco and old spice. She wondered how long it would be until the scent faded.

She remembered sitting there after her parents’ funeral. She didn't even remember what anyone had talked about. She had just sat there like an empty shell, everyone's words floating past her without comprehension. Now she sat here, her grandmother's hand in hers, the last of her family. As she looked at her grandmother, she could see the concealed heartbreak she was hiding under the surface. Elaine smiled as she reminisced on her life with Ed and all the wonderful time they had together. Violet was the last of her family too. She had lost her son and her daughter-in-law, and now she lost the one constant in her life. After a while, everyone realized that while their presence was appreciated, it was time for them to go for the evening. Violet stood on the porch thanking the last of their guests from coming and paying their respects and Ethan walked up and put his arms around her and held her tight. They stood and watched as the last of the cars left the gravel drive and headed back inside.

9 | The days following consisted of Mimi sleeping more than usual, coming down to eat, sitting in her chair for a bit then heading back to her room. Violet and Ethan had taken over the farm chores and cooking. Ethan had all but moved in, helping Violet take care of her grandmother and the farm.

"What are we going to do?" Violet thought out loud. "Mimi and I can't possibly take care of the farm all on our own. I appreciate the help from you, but we can't keep you here forever. You've got your own job and responsibilities. At least there's no rush to get back to Chicago. Though I'll have to find time to get my stuff and break my lease on my apartment." And she'd have to stop at work to drop off her laptop and badge, but that's a thought she shoved to the back of her mind. Maybe Josie could meet her at her apartment when she went up and pick up her stuff to turn it in for her.

"Hey," started Ethan putting his hand over hers and squeezing, "I'm here for as long as you need me. Everyone in town knows I'm here helping you and the work will still be there when I get back to it, as long as I'm available for emergencies, everyone will get by. So does this mean you're relocating here permanently?"

"I don't see how I can be away from Mimi, and she's been here so long, it wouldn't be right to try to bring her to live in an apartment in the Chicago suburbs. It's a completely different way of life. The people are different, everything is fast paced and urgent, even if it isn't really urgent. I think that'd be too overwhelming for her, and I couldn't put her through that. And you and I... Well, I don't think I could leave if I tried. Now that I have you back in my life, and I know what it was like without you, I don't want to go back to that. I want to be here for my family, and that means you too." Ethan's eyes glistened with unshed tears as she looked into them. As bad as things had been lately, he'd been her rock; a support she couldn't exist without. She wondered if this was what Mimi meant when she said Pop-pop was just part of her. Is this what soulmates felt like?

"Do you want me to go with you to Chicago to help you pack up?"

"No," she replied with an appreciative smile. "I would rather you stay here with Mimi, if you don't mind. I just don't want her to be alone."

"You got it."

10 | Violet headed back to Chicago wishing for nothing more than it to be done. She was done with her job, she was done with her empty life. Josie was the only real friend she had, and she'd miss her, but there was never anything for her here.

After talking to her landlord, she agreed to forfeit her security deposit to break her contract a year earlier than planned. She packed up all her stuff and the moving company she'd hired came and took all the stuff down to their truck and headed back to her grandmother's house where Ethan would be waiting to receive everything. All that was left to do was drop off her stuff at her old job and say good-bye to Josie.

She dialed Josie's number on her cell when she got to the front doors of the building. "Hello, this is Josie Miller."

"Jos, it's me. I'm downstairs. Is Mike in? I want to avoid him at all costs."

"He's booked solid in meetings and trapped in the back conference room, so you're good." With that she hung up and headed to the elevators. As she walked through the glass doors for the last time, she handed in her badge and electronics to the receptionist as Josie came up to greet her. She gave her a big hug and said, "How are you doing? I'm so sorry about your grandfather; I would have come down for the funeral if Mike wasn't being such a huge dick about the presentation at the end of the month. You have time to grab some lunch before you have to head back? Maybe spend the night at my place and head out in the morning?"

"I tell you what. I'll take the afternoon to walk around the city and hit the Field Museum, the aquarium and planetarium one last time since I don't know when I'll be back this way again, and I'll meet you at your house after you get off work. I'll call Ethan and let him know I'll be driving home in the morning so he's not staying up expecting me in the middle of the night."

"That works for me because I really don't have time for lunch. I would have made time if you were leaving, but this works out better," Josie said. "I guess I'm the new you since you quit, and Mike has me under a microscope waiting for me to mess up."

"Don't say that you're the new me, you're you and you've always been good enough. Mike is just an ass. You are amazing at this job, and you'll prove it to him with this presentation. Okay you get back to it, and I'll see you at your place tonight. FYI, we're going to order deep dish pizza AND Chinese takeout." They both giggled as Josie headed back to her desk and Violet headed out for her final sight-seeing adventure for the next however long it may be. The funny thing is, she wasn't sad about it. She may miss it, but so much had been put into perspective for her lately, and she knew that she was doing the right thing and ready to start really building her life.

11 | Later that night, Violet and Josie talked about what a douche Mike was, how much they would miss each other, and Violet filled Josie in on everything Ethan.

"Just make sure that when you get married, I'm the maid of honor. I don't care if I didn't grow up with you in a small town or that I'm 8 hours away, that job belongs to ME."

"Ha-ha-ha, Jos of COURSE you would be, but let's not get ahead of ourselves, we just got back together; I just lost my Pop-pop, I have Mimi to worry about, and the farm and the barn and my plate is full right now. I don't need to add wedding planning on top of it. If we did decide to get hitched, we'll just go to the Justice of the Peace, and you and Mimi can be witnesses. Nothing extravagant; just something short and sweet."

In the morning, they said their tearful good-byes with promises of emailing, texting and calling each other at least once a week and planning once or twice a year to meet up even if it was halfway between them. Then Violet got into her car and drove away from Chicago, and she was glad to have it in her rearview mirror.

12 | When Violet returned to the farm, Ethan was knee deep in boxes trying to sort out as much as he could for her. She laughed at the completely chaotic situation and helped organize her stuff. Mimi came out to give her a quick hug and kiss before heading back to her room for a midday nap.

"How was she while I was gone?"

Ethan gave a thoughtful pause as he thought of how to answer. "Well, she's obviously not back to herself or going to be for a while, but she was out of her room longer last night than she has been since the funeral. She's still not eating much but at least she's getting something down a few times a day, so that's something. She tried to insist you and I take the master bedroom since there's no reason for her to use such a big room and have us crammed with our stuff in the spare room, but I told her don't be silly, we're just fine and it's cozy and we would never displace her from her room in her home."

"Thanks for telling her that," she said, "I don't want her feeling like she has to host or accommodate us. This is her home and always will be. How were things with the work around here?"

"Not great with just me," he said. "Alan from the hardware store came by and helped with a few things yesterday, and his wife came with and handled cooking for everyone. I think if we're going to keep this farm working, we'll have to hire a farm-hand. Maybe we can convert the loft over the garage into a studio apartment for someone to live in. Would be cheaper for wages then since we would include food and housing."

"That's a good idea." She pondered for a minute, "What do you think we should do about the barn? I don't want it to sit unfinished for another thirty years. And I think Mimi would appreciate us finishing what Pop-pop started."

Ethan smiled and said, "I think that's exactly the right thing to do, and I know a few people that would be happy to come help."

13 | A couple days later, while Mimi was still spending most of her time in her room, Violet was standing in front of the unfinished barn with just about everyone from town. When Ethan said he knew a few people, he wasn't kidding, but she didn't think he'd meant everyone they had ever known.

"Just like Mimi said," said Martin, the town pastor, "Ed was there for all of us whenever we needed his help. He never asked for or expected anything in return. It's the absolute least we can do, and we are all happy to do it."

Then Alan shouted, "To Ed!" And everyone else chimed in shouting it in return.

The next few days was a hell of a time to see everyone coming together with one goal. It was at that moment that Violet realized, Mimi and Ethan weren't her only family. This town, this community of people, were all willing to come together to help out because her grandfather was always willing to help them. That's what families did, and this whole town was like one big family. The love and appreciation welled up inside her heart as the last nail went in and the last coat of paint went on. She was astonished at what could be accomplished in just a couple days when you had a whole town of people wanting to do something in her grandfather's memory.

14 | "Come on Mimi, I have something to show you," Violet coaxed from her grandmother's bedside.

"What is it my flower? Is everything okay?"

"Yep, I just have something I really want to show you out by the barn."

"Okay, just give me a minute to sit up and get my energy. Sit here with me for a minute, will you?"

"Of course." Violet sat down on the bed while her grandmother patted her on the knee.

"You know, your grandfather and I have lived here and tended this farm for almost our whole lives. It's brought a lot of joy. I hope that one day you will have the same joy, but I want you to know, if this farm isn't it, I will not be hurt if you sell it after I'm gone."

"Mimi, don't even talk like that--"

"Now hush sweet pea, I just want you to know. While I would love for you to take it on and pass it down through generations, I don't want it to be a burden. I'd rather you be happy doing something you love in a place that you love, than tied down out of a feeling of obligation. That's all I wanted to say to you about it."

"Okay," Violet looked at her worriedly. "Just don't talk about my future like you aren't in it. We have a lot of time and I'm not going anywhere. As far as I'm concerned, the place I love is right here, with all the people I love. Now come on, I can't wait any longer." With that being said, she guided her grandmother outside, then had her sit on the tractor blindfolded and rode out to the barn.

"Okay you can take off the blindfold," she said.

Her grandmother pulled up the blindfold and gave an astonished "oh!" as she covered her mouth with her hand and tears started rolling down her cheeks. "You finished it. Here, Ethan, help an old woman down. I'm not a spry young thing anymore and can't be jumping off a tractor without breaking something." Ethan helped her down and linked her arm though his and escorted her up to the barn doors, opened it up so she could see all the work they had done to restore it.

"This is the best surprise I could ever have gotten. Eddie so wanted to finish this up for me. Probably to stop my nagging about when we were going to get this old eye sore fixed up, but he wanted to finish it for me. He would be so proud of all of you getting all this done. I'm so touched and so thankful. I don't know what else to say except thank you all so much."

That night, the whole town set up tables and benches and everyone pitched in cooking. It was a night to remember, and it was all the more special to Violet to see her Mimi out and smiling.

When the crickets were chirping and the sky was full of lightning bugs, everyone started heading home one by one until the farm was peaceful and quiet again. Violet walked her grandmother to her room, gave her a kiss and hug and told her she loved her. "I love you too my little flower. I'm so proud of you, and want you to know that you've made me very happy. With all the sadness going around, today was a bright light in the dark. Sleep well, sweet pea."

15 | The next morning Violet and Ethan made breakfast and she went up to get her grandmother up. When she entered her room, her grandmother looked like she was still fast asleep, with a gentle smile on her lips. She had a piece of paper next to the bed that Violet peered at. It looked to be a letter to her. She wondered if she was writing her a note about the barn. She picked it up and read it.

My dear little flower, You have been the light of my life since the first moment I laid eyes on you in the hospital. You were so beautiful and delicate, naming you Violet after a flower seemed too perfect for words. I don't want you to hurt or fret, but I know it's my time. I've known since the day the doctor came out through the door with the news of your grandfather, that I too would not be long for this world. He and I are two halves of one soul, and one isn't very good without the other. I've lived my entire life with him by my side, and I don't want to know what life without him is like. I have lived a long, full and happy life. Not to say there wasn't also tragedy and sadness, but those things only make you appreciate the good even more. It's not going to be a surprise that everything has been left to you, and don't forget what I had told you. It's only yours if you want it, but if your happiness lies elsewhere, then you sell this farm and you move on. I want you to have a happy life. I want your life to be as long and as full as mine has been. Live every day with joy in your heart. Know that I'm at peace and with your Pop-pop and I'm sure he would want me to tell you he says "hi." The last weeks having you here has been such a joy, and seeing you and Ethan working together with everyone to fix that barn was everything I needed to see to know that it's okay for me to go on now. I love you so much, and one day we'll all be together again. Just don't let it be too soon. Love always and forever, Mimi

Epilogue | Violet ran out the door to the pickup truck, "Wait!!" Ethan slowed down and rolled down the window. "You forgot your lunch Lainey, you're going to starve without it."

"Thank you, Mommy," said Lainey.

"I won't be too late," said Ethan, "I'm helping Alan with a project in his shop today, but I'll be done early and can pick Little Lainey up from school and we'll be home by dinner time."

Violet opened the passenger door and hopped up go give her husband a kiss, and leaned to the back seat over the console to give her daughter one more kiss before they left.

She headed back to the farmhouse, gave a wave to Alex, Alan's son who'd taken up residence over the garage to help tend the farm and manage the rest of the farm employees who ran school tours, and headed inside. She logged into her computer and pulled up the website she'd created for the town boasting tourism for farm visits and small town charm. The bed and breakfast in town was always booked and they were thinking of building another. The tourism was bringing in a lot of money that had helped fix up the buildings in town, was enough to pay for some cell phone towers and brought Wi-Fi to the town, those first couple years of dial-up were very frustrating for Violet setting up the tourism site and doing all the marketing with a slow connection. Josie had even come down to help out in the beginning with some initial funding from the town to hire her and her team to work with Violet. Apparently after HR found out about Mike harassing her after her grandfather had passed, they gave him the boot and Josie bragged that she was the new and improved Mike. The help from her and her team helped get her business off the ground much sooner than if she had gone it alone.

She looked around and took a deep breath, completely fulfilled. She found a way to utilize her skills and still keep the farm in the family. She lived every day the way her Mimi had told her, with joy in her heart.