Wishful Water

(Opens to a husband and wife making their two twin beds in their bedroom)

Rube: Good morning wife. How are you feeling this morning?

Tes: I feel adequate this morning. Thank you for asking. How are you feeling Husband?

Rube: I feel equal to you, thank you.

Tes: What is on the agenda today Husband?

Rube: Well, it is Sunday as you know so neither of us has to work. Sunday is our day to clean every crevice of the house.

Tes: Yes I did know this. Today is looking out to be a perfectly adequate day.

Rube: I would not have it any other way.

Tes: Where should we start husband?

Rube: Well I would like to start by scrubbing this room and then we will move to the kitchen area and the dining area after that just as we did last week and the week before.

Tes: I will wash up first. Is the shower ready with the wishful water?

Rube: Of course it is wife; I refilled it after my last washing.

Tes: I am thankful that the government provides us with this healthy water.

Rube: Yes, and I bought a little extra this month.

Tes: Thank you husband that was very responsible of you.

Rube: I am a responsible man.

Tes: A responsible man you are.

Rube: I will start cleaning the sleeping area while you wash.

Tes: I will only take a short and time sparing wash.

(Tes walks off stage; Rube picks up an abnormally small scrub that looks like a tooth brush and starts scrubbing the floor)

Rube: Oh this black spot is almost as big as a pen point.

(He begins to scrub harder; he creates a small hole on the floor)

Rube: Rats, this is not ok at all. I cannot live like this.

(Tes walks back completely clean and dry)

Rube: We cannot live here anymore wife.

Tes: Oh, but it is so adequate here. My parents made sure it was when they were still breathing and we have been doing the same since they stopped breathing.

Rube: It is not adequate any longer, look; look at the hole in the floor.

Tes: Yes you are right. That is not okay. Can I look?

Rube: Look cautiously.

Tes: Oh course.

(Tes goes over to the hole, trips and makes the hole larger, sees a piece of paper,, and reads it)

Tes: It says “Drink Me.” I do not understand.

Rube: Drink me…Drink me? I did not know you could drink paper.

Tes: I do not think you can drink paper.

Rube: This whole is making today inadequate. This room is inadequate, this house is inadequate.

Tes: There is something else in this hole.

Rube: This hole should not be here.

Tes: It is a box.

Rube: Not our box, not our problem.

Tes: It has my name on it.

Rube: Not my box, not my problem.

Tes: What is mine is yours that is all marriage is.

(She opens the box to see a six pack of Aquafina water)

Rube: What is in our marriage box wife?

Tes: it says A-Qua-right?

Rube: I will look and tell you what it is.

Tes: Do So.

Rube: It says “pure water, precise taste.”

Tes: Water?

Rube: That is what it says, but I do not understand. There is only one safe water, and that is wishful water.

Tes: Do you think it will make us stop breathing?

Rube: Yes, I think we will lose our breathing skills if we drink this.

Tes: I think I will drink one.

Rube: I will not stop you, but they will take me away if they find out I knew.

Tes: Drink one with me.

Rube: I will drink one with you.

(They both grab one bottle of water and drink the entire thing so there is no chance of it not working)

Tes: I still breathe.

Rube: I still breathe.

Tes: Maybe it takes time.

Rube: Then we will give it time.

(They both sit on their beds watching each other; you watch the clock above Rubes bed go around three times.)

Tes: This didn’t work, I’m drinking another.

Rube: You drink another, I drink another.

(Tes takes two more bottles and tosses one to Rube, they once again drink their entire bottle. Tes then stands up and moves to sit next to Rube)

Tes: Is this what inadequate is?

Rube: I don’t know Tes, I’ve been adequate since I can remember.

Tes: I have a secret I want to share with you Rube.

Rube: There are no secrets in this world we live in.

Tes: I have one.

Rube: Please share it.

(Tes runs over to her bed, takes out a book out from her pillow case and again sits next to Rube)

Tes: It’s called “Green eggs and Ham.”

Rube: What is it?

Tes: A book.

Rube: Books are myths.

Tes: They aren’t though. Look. (Opening the book to a random page) “ I do not like green eggs and ham”

Rube: He does not like? Why though? Was it not adequate?

Tes: I only read this because they can’t see it. It’s not on the internet so they cannot see what I’m reading, having this secret has always made me…made me feel…

Rube: Adequate?

Tes: No, I think just feel.

(Rube smiles a small smirk and grabs his wife’s hand)

Tes: I want to drink another.

Rube: I like breathing right now.

Tes: I don’t think it will kill us.

Rube: Another one it is then.

(They both drink a third bottle)

Tes: I have to use the ladies room.

(She runs out of the room and Rube picks up the book to read it to himself, until Tes walks back in. She walks up to him and kisses him on the cheek)

Tes: That felt…nice.

Rube: As it should, your lips are one of the most sensitive parts of your body, that’s why we as humans enjoy kisses so much.

Tes: Well yes, it did feel nice that way too, but it felt nice here.

(Clutching her own chest, he stands up and kisses her on the mouth)

Rube: I understand that feeling. (they both sit on his bed)

Tes: What’s happening to us?

Rube: I don’t know Tes, but I don’t want it to stop.

Tes: Neither do I.

(They sit there playing with each other’s hands)

Rube: I never noticed how small your hands are.

Tes: I never noticed how warm you are.

(They sit in silence for a moment.)

Tes: Do you think it’s the water?

Rube: Yea, I do.

Tes: How much of it is left?

Rube: None…we drank it all.

Tes: Then what happens when these feelings are gone?

Rube: I guess we go back to being...well adequate.

Tes: But I don’t want to let this go.

Rube: Neither do I, but I don’t think we have a choice.

Tes: Did we ever have a choice?

Rube: We did today.

Tes: But tomorrow?

Rube: I’m not sure.

(Rube puts his arm around Tes and the lights go out)