Who is Summer?

I have a golden retriever named Berry. She follows me around everywhere I go but there is one time she does not do that: when Daisy the dove sits on the balcony that is connected to my sister’s room. Berry absolutely admires Daisy and loves watching her from my sister’s room with a playful look in her eyes. Sadly, Daisy only visits during the summer time so she is Berry’s summer friend. Well, she was her summer friend. Berry only lives in my memory now. She sadly passed away from cancer this spring.

As the season changed, my grief felt more agonizing than before. On a bright and sunny summer day - I walked into the animal shelter and saw a 3-year-old Labrador retriever and something made me gravitate towards her. I looked closely and then realized something: it was in her eyes that I saw Berry again. I adopted her on the spot and named her Summer. When I brought Summer home, she was so excited that she had the binkies. From calling a hot and humid cage a home, a cool air-conditioned apartment with many of Berry’s old toys must’ve felt like paradise to Summer.

We started going on hikes with other dog friends and eating hot dogs together by the lake just like how I used to with Berry. Every night, Summer would insist that I come to bed by 10:00pm for her nightly ear massages. Berry used to close her eyes and enjoy the massage and Summer does the same thing. When winter came along, I made sure to go play in the snow with Summer. She loves snowballs - especially biting into one just like Berry.

One afternoon, I couldn’t find Summer anywhere in my apartment. I kept calling her name but I was met with silence. I walked around every corner of my apartment and stopped by my sister’s room. I saw something that shocked me to my core. Daisy came to visit during the wintertime. I felt so many emotions from what I was seeing. I thought about Berry and our little tradition of watching Daisy from my sister’s window. Then I looked at Summer. I realized that she was looking up at Daisy in a curious way. It was very different from the way Berry looked up at Daisy. I saw a different dog that was not Berry. Then a thought came to me, “Who is Summer?”

In that moment I was able to fully orient myself and understand that I failed to love Summer the way she deserved. I sat down next to Summer as she looked up at Daisy again. After looking at her beautiful face for what felt like a while, I fell in love with her curious eyes. I was now actually bonding with her like the way she always deserved to be loved. A change in the pattern this winter woke me up from living in the past.