White Child

9/2/13

They say I'm spoiled just 'cuz I'm white.

I've never really understood what "spoiled" is, but I know a spoiled egg when I smell one, and I sure am not as spoiled as that. I know for certain that I'm just a regular egg.

"You got a house?" they ask. And yeah, I live in a house. Doesn't everyone?

"You're a spoiled kid," they say in response. But how'm I spoiled? Doesn't everyone live in a house?

9/3/13

I learned that there are different kinds of houses. Apartments, condos and all the rest. But they're still houses. If you live in an apartment, you live in a house. It's the same thing.

9/4/13

"You're American," they tell me. "You're fat." One of the bullies tried to spit at me, and I kicked him because of it.

I got in trouble with my parents. Kicking people isn't a nice thing to do. It's unpleasant. But they were being unpleasant, too. Every day at school, it's the same thing.

9/5/13

I don't care about skin color. I'm white, and somebody else's black, or tan, and what difference does that make? Everybody's the same. The bullies think that I'm better than them (I know that because they say I'm spoiled, and that means they think I'm better), but I'm just the same.

Even though I don't like to be. I'd like to be better than them. I don't spit at people when they have a bigger house than I do. I just accept it and move on.

9/6/13

"You're a spoiled brat, y'know?" he says to me, earlier today, "You have a big house and everything you want because you're a brat. Not everybody has it as easy as you do." He said a word I'm not supposed to say. Or hear.

I fought him today, too. The principal told me to not beat everybody up, even if they're being mean to me, and he said to tell an adult instead. But I didn't beat everybody up, so he was exaggerating a lot, and every time I try to tell an adult, they scold me and say that I'm being "offensive" to other people.

And then they leave me no choice but to deal with it myself. So I beat up the mean kids. It's justice. Real justice.

9/9/13

I live in a house, but I'm not spoiled. I got a mom and a dad, but I'm not spoiled. Because I have white skin and he's got black skin doesn't mean I'm any better than he is.

The teachers oughta teach on that instead of history and math. They don't teach any of the important stuff, like how to be nice to someone and say "please" and "thank you" and "excuse me". And how to execute justice.

The boys left me alone today. But that's because they weren't at school.

9/10/13

"You're stupid!" The tan kid mocked me today. "You're dumb 'cuz you're American and white! You got everything for ya!"

The adults don't deal with it like the principal said they would. They like the other boys over me. I always end up getting in trouble. And not just because I punch the kids in the nose.

What's wrong with me? Why don't the teachers like me anymore?

9/11/13

The teachers taught about equality today. I always believed in equality, so I don't get why they say that. Who doesn't believe in equality? What difference does it make if you look like milk, like me, or if you look like maple syrup? Everybody's the same. I don't get it.

The boys at school still don't like me. I asked Mrs. Bradley about it, and she said, finally being reasonable, that some of the boys don't have good stuff in their lives, and they're sad because they don't have what's good.

But that doesn't give them a reason not to like me. I have what's good, or something, and they don't, so why don't they like me?

I'm not stupid, and I'm not fat or spoiled. I'm American.

9/23/13

Somebody told me today that I'm living the American Dream.

I don't know what that is. But I can guess, because I'm not stupid. I think it's what people expect when they come to America to get jobs. And then they don't get it, and they get sad because they don't have what's good, and they start getting mad at people who did nothing wrong. Like the boys at school. They must not be living the American Dream.

What is the American Dream, though? Is it having a mom and a dad, and living in a house with a rickety black dog, and having a bed instead of a mattress on the floor? And living in a "house" and not an apartment (whatever the difference is) with air conditioning instead of fans?

I don't get it, really.

But I want to make it up to those other boys. I want them to feel like I never meant anything wrong, even though I kinda did when I punched them and kicked them. They deserve what's good, too. They deserve the nice things that I have, too.

I have some money because of chores. I'm gonna buy them something. Something really nice-- "what's good".

9/25/13

I gave them a really nice basketball that I had. I don't need the basketball, anyway. I kept my allowance money because I didn't have to buy them anything and I already have nice things.

They ran off and played basketball and didn't bully me anymore.

They won't bother me because I gave them my really nice basketball. I solved my problem. But I didn't want to solve my problem, though. I wanted to give them "what's good" so they can have it, and smile instead of frown.

They tried to give it back to me once they were done playing with it. They said that it's my ball, and I should keep it because it's my ball, and I only let them borrow it.

But I told 'em to keep it. Then they left me alone. I hope they like the basketball.

I hope they can get the American Dream like me.