Where am I?

March 27th, 2020

There are stories all over the floor, the paints chipping, it smells like a damn butcher’s shop, the only way I can keep track of the days is by the papers that come from the door, one for every day of the year. Some days they are longer than others, but they still only come in one page, which is weird because why wouldn’t you just put it into multiple smaller pages? But I am not the one who makes the pages, and I am not actually sure who is, I have been stuck in this room for what feels like years staring at the same red light above the door, just a little red light, and the pink walls. They are not plain pink though, they have this weird detailing, but I cannot quite make it out, sometimes I try and make words out of the designs to see if there is some sort of message there but there is not, I think it is just squiggles.

April 7th, 2020

I have a filing system; it is kind of messy and disorganized and I swear I keep losing papers but where would they go? It is a single room with one copy of every paper, where would they go? It is like they just get up and walk away, but papers do not have legs, so do they just disappear? I know they were there at some point, I remember filing them and I know some of them were important, but I can never find them when I want to. Some of the papers are interesting, some are boring though, I hate those days, it makes me want to just rip them up and toss them right back out the door, but I cannot because maybe there is something important in those papers too and I just have not seen it yet. Some days I will go back and look at those days, I will look at all the weird things in them, I do not know why I do it, it makes me feel even shittier, but I cannot help it, something else is making me do it but that cannot be, there is nothing in this room but filing cabinets filled with papers and that damn chipping paint.

April 16th, 2020

The pages have been very boring lately, for about a month now, I do not know why but the pages are coming in ripped in half, it is like nothing is happening but there has got to be more, there got to be more going on outside of this room and they are just hiding it from me. They are trying to make me weak; they are trying to keep me away but they cannot live without me, they do not know it yet, but I am extremely important.

April 19th, 2020

My filing has gotten better, and I have managed to keep all my papers here, I have started to do daily checks to see if anything is gone, so far so good. I do not know what was making my pages disappear, but I think they are gone.

May 2nd, 2020

I am so lonely. I have been here for 18 damn years, but I never get used to it, staring at these filing cabinets, just waiting for the paper to come through the door, filing it away, then doing it again the next day. Why do I do it? What if I just stopped?

July 1st, 2020

I should not have done that…

July 12th, 2020

I am trying to get back to my filing system, I have spent the last couple days getting it back to normal and I think I have got it right back on track. I cannot mess it up this time. I do not want him to visit again. He was mean. He said that the papers were coming out of the door, I did not know that could happen, but he was mad… very mad.

July 29th, 2020

Things are going good, business as usual, the walls are still chipping, they seem to be chipping faster lately. The papers have started disappearing again, I still cannot figure out why, I am still doing my daily checks, but it must be happening when I am asleep. Maybe if I stay up, I can figure out what it is!

July 30th, 2020

He came in. In the middle of the night. He is taking the papers from me. He is trying to make me think that it is me messing up, but it is just him. He is taking them away, but why?

September 13th, 2020

I can not stand it here. The papers are more and more boring, the filing is too much for me to handle, and it is all messed up because half of it is missing. He will not stop taking them, and I cannot do anything about it. I am weak. He has made me weaker and weaker. He is driving me crazy, and I can’t take it anymore. I cannot do this anymore. I must stop this, but how? He is strong, but maybe I am smarter. Maybe I am not so weak after all, maybe I can get out of this, maybe I can get rid of him, but it will not be easy. I must plan.

October 1st, 2020

I am going to stop him. I have an advantage because I know what he has been taking. He is taking all the happy memories to make me forget, he is trying to make me weak and make me believe that everything I remember and have on paper is just boring. But it is not, there is so much more that he has been taking away from me. He is trying to make me weak, but I am not weak. I am going to stop him; I do not know exactly how but I think I can kill him when he comes in at night if he does not know I am awake, but I need something. All I have is paper.

October 31st, 2020

He has been coming in at night more and more, he is very quiet when he does because he does not want to wake me up, but I am always awake now, I need to figure out how to get him. He knows my filing systems, so he knows where to go to get the papers he wants. What if I change my system? Maybe I can make him go crazy like he is trying to make me. I am going to change it every single day and move everything around so he cannot get all the good memories from me, I am going to hide them.

December 2nd, 2020

He has been getting louder. He has been losing his advantage on me. He cannot take the papers because when he is shifting through my filing system trying to find them, they are in a different spot every day. I am getting to him. It is working. I have all my happy memories and he has none.

January 13th, 2021

I do not know what is happening to him. I think he is getting smaller? He looks smaller. He also seems weaker; it takes him longer to open my files and he seems like he is running out of energy when doing it. I think my plan is working, I might be able to get rid of him. Without all the happy memories he seems to be deteriorating. But why? Who is he?

February 2nd, 2021

He is so much smaller, I think I can get him, I might be able to finally be alone. Away from all the fear he brings me and has all the happy memories he has been taking away from me for so many years.

February 27th, 2021

I killed him. I did it. He was small enough that I stuck him in a filing cabinet. I still do not know who he is, but I feel so much better. As soon as he was gone the light turned green, a bright green and the walls that have been slowly chipping for so many years fixed themselves, how does that happen? They are just walls.

March 3rd, 2021

The papers that come in are no longer boring, none of them, they are always so happy and the paper is yellow now. It must be because he is gone, I fixed it, whatever it is.

March 26th, 2021

It is so crazy. How much my life has changed since he has been gone. It is like a big weight off my shoulders. He can never get me again; he is stuck in the drawer forever. It is just me here and I have never been happier. My filing system is perfect, everything is in its place and I have not lost a thing, I think some of the papers he took are coming back too, I keep finding ones that I did not have before. I feel at peace. I wait for the paper every day, and I am excited about what is going to be on it, I know there will not be anything bad because no bad things have happened since he has been gone, everything is perfect. I may not know what my purpose is here, but I know what I did make everything better, but it still makes me wonder… Where am I?