When We Disappear

There I stood with a blank stare, looking into my cupboard. I’m not exactly sure how long I had been standing there. It couldn’t have been very long, as I could still hear the rumble of the boiling water, in the electric kettle. I should have known, when I reached up with both hands and opened both cupboard doors, that I was about to disappear. As I grounded myself, I felt my feet on the floor and my hands on my hips. I wondered what I went to the cupboard for. Again, I heard the kettle and remembered I wanted to make tea before work. I touched the heart-shaped locket that I was wearing. My husband had given it to me for my 40th birthday, just months before he passed away. I reached up, got a mug, got a tea bag, and then got the almond milk from the refrigerator. I disappeared again. This time, as I came around, I was not just standing in my kitchen, I was standing in rubble. Shock didn’t kick in right away, as I was slow to ground myself. I went through a quick sensory check. I smelled wet ash, dust, and smoke. I heard deafening silence and some creaking. I tasted metal and blood. I felt warm air, but with a chill from a gentle breeze. I bent down, as I felt dizzy. I wanted to touch the ground with my hands, as I balanced myself. I looked up and around, but I had to shield my eyes from the sun, as it shone down through the dust that clouded the atmosphere. I sat down. “Hello?” I called out, once again touching my heart-shaped locket. “Hello?” I called out again, but there was nothing as I sat there rubbing the heart trinket between my fingers. I disappeared again and everything just faded to black.

Next, through squinted eyes and blurred vision, I came to. There was a smell of freshly popped popcorn. I wondered if I was in a movie. Reality kicked in and some random dude kicked my leg. “Hey!” “Hey you!” “You alive or what?” Yup, it was real and he was eating popcorn. “Where the heck did you come from and where did you get popcorn?” Somehow, it didn’t feel strange, this, whatever was happening. It almost felt like I had been here before. I know I have had dreams of where I would go looking for my husband. Those dreams took place back home, as if I was going back to look for him. He never came to visit me. His uncle had past on, just ten days after him. The uncle came to visit me. He talked to me, as if he hadn’t seen me for a while, and he genuinely seemed happy to see me. Back to the dude with the popcorn, who was he anyway? He seemed so, umm, what’s the word I’m looking for? Dumb? Careless? Reckless? Immature? Unaware?

“You just get here?” He asked. “Where exactly is…here?” I replied. I sounded as unconcerned as ever, as if it were commonplace to just wake up in the midst of chaos and destruction, and he sounded equally unconcerned! He offered me some popcorn and shoved the bag in my face. He got up as if he were leaving a movie theater because the story line was too boring. He turned to me and asked if I was prepared for this. Ironically the words flowed out of my mouth, “Yes! Yes I actually did!” “Good! Let’s go check out your supply and then I will take you to show you something.” He talked as he walked. I wasn’t sure where we were walking to but I was being led by something. “Did you ever see how the rain fell on half of the road, while the other half was dry?” “Did you ever see that painting where half is in color and the other half is in black and white, all doom and gloom?” He asked. “Yes.” I replied. “Well this is kinda like that. It seems that one by one, people drop out of nowhere. We have been here for a while.” He glanced back. “Who is we?” I asked. He was silent for a moment and then, “You’ll see!”

We arrived at a mound. He poked and prodded at the moss, until he found an opening. We walked into a root cellar. I was somehow familiar with it. “Great job!” He exclaimed. “How long had you been prepping?” “Me, well I think I started after my husband died. I needed something to focus on. I missed our rural home, where I could be free, and we could raise our kids to be wild, free spirits.” “Wait!” I exclaimed. “My kids! Where are my kids?” He looked at me with an empty expression. “Don’t worry. They didn’t come this time, but maybe they will. For now you have to familiarize yourself with what’s around you. This is the way it is now.” I suddenly realized that he didn’t look dirty or smell bad, considering the state of the place. It seemed all gloom and doom, but it was not a sad place. Although, anyone else might not feel the same. Maybe I had become numb.

We walked through what seemed to be ruins, fresh ruins. Everything seemed to be fresh, as if the world had just collapsed. It didn’t seem to take very long before we came to a table. A few folks were sitting around chatting, looking comfortable and relaxed. They all seemed unphased by the surroundings. “Ah, welcome, welcome!” One said. Another screeched loudly, “Hey! I know you! You’re the one who lost their husband, got beat up, and lost their kids!” “And now you lost your house, as well.” A soft voice spoke, with empathy. “And who are you?” I curiously asked, although I already sensed I knew these people. They were playing some sort of card game. I joined them and things started to make sense. We are all ones who disappear from time to time. Funny how we have never met in person, or in dreams. I touched my heart locket and realized, this is where we go when we disappear.