What the hell is wrong with me?

Three years ago, I came down with a strange disease.

The disease is very serious, but it can eat and sleep without itching or pain.

This strange phenomenon, I think it's genetic, my grandfather and my third aunt, died of this disease.

He died at the age of 32 without showing any signs of illness, Grandma recalled. At six o 'clock in the morning, Grandma got up early and went to work in the field. Grandpa was still snoring evenly and slept comfortably.

When Grandma came home for lunch at 11 p.m., Grandpa was dead, as if he were asleep, without any sign of pain or struggle.

My third aunt, who also died young, had the same symptoms as Grandpa. At the end of their lives, they had no illness except working late.

To our generation, brothers and sisters, only I a person, grandpa and aunt symptoms, should be a selective inheritance.

What the hell is wrong with me?

In the summer of 2018, I found a problem. Even the slightest movement made me sweat. Also, if you sweat too much, your whole body becomes weak and you have no energy to continue working.

At that time, I thought, it is the weather, it will be fine in autumn. Until the end of the year, I suddenly felt a serious problem, even if the cold wind, as long as the labor, I also sweat.

When sleeping, uncover the quilt afraid of catching a cold, as long as cover the quilt, the whole body will keep sweating.

Because of this, I had a hard time finding a job, and any employer would politely decline my sickly state. It doesn't matter whether I get paid or not. If I fall down on the job, who wants to take the risk?

I dare not complain to anyone, as long as the amount of labor is a little more, even if I pay ten thousand yuan a day, I also do not have the strength to do.

I had no choice but to find some outsourcing manual work, sit at home and slowly do it, earn 20 or 30 yuan a day, barely survive.

Although there is little money to be made by doing this kind of manual outsourcing, there is an advantage that the intensity and pace of labor are completely controlled by oneself. One can do as much as possible and take a rest when tired without any compulsion factor.

I know I am sick, but I dare not go to the hospital, for the simple reason that I have no money.

This morning, I suddenly enlightened, thought, or go to the hospital to see it, if one or two thousand yuan can cure, borrow money to treat, have the strength, don't worry about no money to repay.

After the examination, the doctor said to me: "You don't have any serious disease, is serious' Qi deficiency '."

I asked the doctor carefully, can this disease be cured?

The doctor told me that there was no quick cure, only slow conditioning with traditional Chinese medicine.

Carefully, I asked the doctor, how much would it cost? How long will it take?

The doctor told me that it would cost about 3,000 yuan a month, and if everything else worked well, it might work in a year or so.

Hearing this astronomical figure, I stayed there, not knowing what to do.

The doctor went on to tell me to try not to work during the treatment and to stay in a good mood.

Finally, the doctor stressed: "You are seriously malnourished, what is good at home, don't give up, want to eat!"

Hearing this, I said thank you to the doctor, stood up and quickly left the hospital, I didn't want to shed tears in front of the doctor.

Along the way, I kept blaming myself, why to come to the hospital examination, spent more than a hundred wrong money, have to sweat hard for a few days to earn back.

Spending 3,000 yuan a month to take medicine, but still have to last more than a year, this is not cure, but "fatal". Even if I tried my best to do manual work, even if I did not take life seriously, I would not earn 3,000 yuan a month.

Manual unit price is very low, can earn 8 yuan per hour, need hands and feet quickly. I'm not fast on my feet, and I don't dare to work fast. Life is hard, and I don't want to die for a few dollars.

Making six dollars an hour and doing it five hours a day was the ceiling I could physically handle.

If I borrow money for therapy, I'll be at least 30, 40 grand in debt, and the point is, the effect is uncertain. I really can't afford to lose such a big bet, I have to keep the bottom line. I have been poor, I have been too ill to lose faith.

While in treatment, not being able to work for money, sounds like a very comfortable life, just lying around. But who pays for the rice? Who pays for the utilities?

Stay in a good mood during treatment. I am not a fairy, nor a monster, just a heart and lungs of ordinary people. I can't really make myself feel good about this situation. All I can do is promise not to cry in public.

During treatment, pay attention to nutrition.

Of course I know. Stewed radish with spareribs is delicious and good for the body. However, a rib of dozens of yuan, enough for me to buy a bag of rice, ribs and rice can not be both, I must choose rice.

When we wrestled as children, we would look left and right, and someone would cry, and nobody would get up on their own.

After growing up wrestling, we will look left and right, next to someone on their own to climb up, next to no one lying on the ground quietly tears.

This is the situation for most adults, when it comes to family, colleagues and friends: "Get up where you fall down." Whether really brave or fake strong, in order to obtain survival resources, we need to set up a strong person, to protect their fragile heart.

However, adult life has taught us that when we stand up, we soon fall down. Rather than do meaningless struggle, it is better to lie in situ, after the recovery of strength, then slowly climb up and travel. If only blindly left to right collision, will only increase the number of wrestling, lying quietly, but is a stop loss behavior.

Adults, have to learn to accept and adapt to the unbearable status quo, this is a necessary psychological quality.