We Want your Secrets

The head of the science team Mr. Jansonater said, “We have been studying the Earth for quite some time now. We can connect you with the leader of a country called America. Thanks to our Electron Tunneling Technology there is no delay in communication despite the vast distance in a sea of space.”

The leader of the colony, Mr. Tonerson said, “Do they understand Rogi?”

Mr.Jansonater said, “No sir, we have to have our computers translate on the fly for you.”

Mr. Tonerson said, “Who will I be talking with?”

Mr. Jansonater said, “A Mr. Smith he is their President. When you start the communication it will be the beginning of their work cycle. The way to begin a conversation on Earth is to say, hello. This device is called a cell phone to start the call touch the picture of the green image right there. Wait for Mr. Smith to say hello then you can say whatever you like. There is no video component.”

Mr. Tonerson said, “Sounds pretty straightforward.”

He touched the green icon and the phone rang. The phone rang again.

During the third ring, Mr. Smith came on and said, “This better be good your calling in the middle of my morning briefing, and you have no caller ID.”

Mr. Tonerson said, “Hello I am Mr. Tonerson of the planet Rogi. We would like to open an intergalactic dialog with you over space trade.”

Mr. Smith sat there a moment then said, “Look jerk, I don’t know how you got this number, but I’m having it traced back to you, and when I find you I will have the FBI interrogate you for a month before you see the light of day. So you just talk to the nice man on the phone and he will make arrangements for trade between my world and yours.”

Mr. Smith handed the phone to Henry one of the security men and said, “There is some jerk who just called in on this phone find who it was and make his life hell.”

Then Mr. Smith went back to his meeting.

Twenty minutes later Henry came back and said, “Sir, you really ought to take this call. We have checked it out and it does seem to be a Mr. Tonerson from the planet Rogi. He would like to talk to you about opening some intergalactic trade.”

Mr. Smith said, “Are you sure about this, Henry?”

Henry said, “Sir, do you think I would be standing here like this if I did not believe it?”

Mr. Smith looked at Henry and said, “No, I guess you wouldn’t.” the President looked at the rest of the cabinet and said excuse me, I have an alien to talk to about some trade.”

Mr. Smith took the cell phone and said “Hello Mr. Tonerson what can I do for you?”

Mr. Tonerson said, “We have watched your TV and learned many things, but you have also kept some secrets from us also. We would like some of those secrets like what is the colonel’s secret recipe of 11 herbs and spices. How do you make an Oreo cookie? Is Coke the real thing? We can print up as much money as you like not cheap bad bills but perfect banknotes. We want the chemical formulas, so we can make those things on Rogi.”

Mr. Smith said, “You can’t just print money that is counterfeiting. That is illegal. Those companies are going to want a part of the profits of the sales of their products.”

Mr. Tonerson said, “What are you talking about a couple of the words did not translate what is counterfeiting, illegal, and profit? I mean we understand their meaning but not your idea of morality and Heaven. You believe a super being is going to judge you and let you into heaven or throw you into hell after you die?”

Mr. Smith said, “I don’t think that we are going to solve these problems here and now let’s give this to people who do such things and know that we will get this all straighten out.”

Mr. Tonerson said, “On my planet, I am the person you talk to to straighten this all out. Is this red tape? I will not be treated this way …”