We'll Go Down In History

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose

And if you ever saw him, you would even say it glows

However, due to his difference from the established norms

Poor Rudolph was forced to live the life of a recluse from his oppressors

Who saw no purpose for him until such a time as was convenient

For them to achieve their own Capitalist goals

But thankfully Rudolph had spent his formative years reading Marx and Engels

And was eager to throw off the yoke of oppression once and for all…

On the eve of a Christmas, jolly old Santa Claus rubbed his fat belly in despair. “Oh, how will I ever get the presents to the good boys and girls this year?” he said.

Outside the fog was thick, and visibility was almost zero. Suddenly, he snapped his fingers. “Aha! I know just the reindeer who can help!”

First he check the cave in which Rudolph had been banished, but it was empty. Heading to the toy factory, the overworked and underpaid elves were taking an unplanned break, and reported that Rudolph had just passed through on his way to the stables, delivering pamphlets on the way, which they now considered with curiosity.

Concerned at the prospect of paying higher wages and improving working conditions, Santa raced to the stables as quick as he could. There, he found the other reindeer standing in a row while Rudolph stood on a box making a speech.

Santa’s arrival, however, appeared to not be as welcomed as he would have imagined. Nontheless, he extended a hand our dramatically and proclaimed:

“Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?”

But Rudolph remained resolute in the face of this fat Capitalist swine.

“No Santa, I will not,” he said. “The abuse and oppression I have faced over the years cannot now be disregarded simply because I am convenient to your cause,” then he turned to the other reindeer: “Comrades! Do you not see what I mean? We have had our differences, but we seek a common cause. Rest yourselves free from your chains of oppression. Be a slave to the bourgeoisie no longer. Together, we are strong and can forge our own future!”

Donner and Blitzen and the other reindeer began glancing at one another, noticing their dull, black noses had began to flicker with light. Santa was in a stupor, but Rudolph continued, growing louder:

“Tonight this scum will have you working until daw, breaking your backs for the benefit of whom, exactly? Not us, comrades, but the Capitalists! The aristocracy! Lining his pockets with the profits of our sweat, building only his own reputation, while all the boys and girls can barely remember your names!”

Donner and Blitzer and the others all glanced at each other nodding approval and murmuring amongst themselves.

Break free, comrades!” Rudolph said. “And we will go down in history. Break free! You have nothing to lose but your chains!”

Santa shielded his eyes from a blinding flash, as every reindeer’s nose now shone a bright, Communist red. The fog dissipated at once, and Santa stumbled and fell face down in the snow.

“Comrade!” Blitzen said. “The path in front of us is now clear!”

Hearing this, Santa lifted his head from the snow, his eyes squinting in the red light.

“So you will guide my sleigh tonight?” he asked.

But his question went unanswered. The reindeer lifted up their bright red noses, turned to Rudolph for the signal, and after getting the steely nod they sought, Santa was swiftly trampled under the feet of progress.

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