Unicorns No More

“Wake up, Agnes! We overslept again and will miss the boat if we don’t get a move on.”

“Just ten more minutes, Fred, or maybe fifteen at the most. And will you please stop poking me with that thing! I would have thought you had enough last night.”

“What are you talking about? That’s my horn you’re feeling and if you weren’t laying on the best-tasting grass in the pasture, I wouldn’t be poking you. Now come on, would you? The ship is on the other side of the valley and we don’t have wings like our cousin Pegasus.”

“Give it a rest, Fred! So what if we arrive fashionably late? We’re Unicorns and there is no way that old man would dream of leaving creatures as precious as us behind. Can you imagine how much trouble he would be in?”

“I don’t have to imagine the trouble we’ll be in if we miss that damn boat. Right now, the only thing benefiting us is that everyone has to load in alphabetical order. It will take time to get to U. If we hustle, we should just make it.”

“Oh Fred, stop being such an old nag and let me finish my breakfast. Look at the sky! The sun is still shining and the only clouds are way off on the other side of the ridgeline. Seriously, Fred, can you imagine it raining hard enough to fill this valley? I’m sure this is just another conspiracy theory dreamed up by that funny-looking creature with stubby horns and a long tail. You know who I’m talking about, the guy with red skin. He’s always messing with us. Look at how he conned that woman into thinking he was a snake.”

“Agnes, you’re still talking instead of galloping! Why are you always so damn obstinate when it comes to doing what you’re told? Come on now, pick up the pace! In case you haven’t noticed, we are the only animals left on this side of the valley.”

Meanwhile, far on the other side of the valley.

“How’s the loading going on your side of the ship, Shem?”

“Not bad. Dad! I became concerned when the antelope and the bear lined up one behind the other. I could hear the bear’s stomach grumble as he eyed his natural prey, but that was the extent of it. This uneasy truce appears to be holding.”

“Good to hear, son. How are things going on your end, Ham?”

“We have all the supplies loaded and secured, Dad. My only concern is that we have to stay adrift for longer than forty days. Once the food runs low, I’m not sure how we’ll keep the big cats away from the goats, or us, for that matter. I guess it all comes down to drainage.”

“Let me worry about the logistics, boys. You just keep them moving.”

From out of the sky came a clap of thunder, followed by a booming voice.

“Noah, it appears you have forgotten two of my favorite creatures. Where are my Unicorns?”

You would know that better than I, Sire. The warning was sent out as you instructed, but there has been no sign of them. Do you want me to delay buttoning up the ark?”

“No! The flood will begin on schedule. I’ll tend to these ingrates personally!”

With still half a valley to cross, Agnes is taking a snack break.

“Unicorns, why haven’t you boarded the ark?”

“It’s Fred’s fault, sir! If he had woken me up earlier, we would be on the boat right now. I hate being in the water. Would you be so kind as to transport us there?

“Agnes, you know how I hate it when I’m lied to. I saw everything that went on this morning and none of it is Fred’s fault. I’ve decided it’s time for the Unicorn to cease to exist in its present form. From now on you will live in the sea and be called Narwhals. Sorry, Fred.

Thanks, Agnes you…..!