Twisted Tales for Toilet Time: Part II

The Twisted Tales for Toilet Time Series project of short stories is aimed to be a collection of ultra-short short stories that can be read in the average duration of a toilet visit. Most of which fall into the category of the absurd and have little, to no real plot significance.

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Coffee for Elephants

Once there was a clown who worked at the circus, his name was Clive. Now Clive was a very happy clown, who could always make the people laugh. One day after finishing work, Clive washed all the clown pie off his face and went to his favourite shop to get a coffee. When Clive arrived, his friend Clarissa, who worked at the coffee shop, was crying.

“What’s wrong Clarissa?” Asked Clive.

“There’s no coffee left, we ran out.” She responded.

Clive thought they could just go to the supermarket and get some, then he saw the big clock hanging on the wall in the coffee shop.

“Oh no! It’s only 5 minutes till closing! We can’t walk there in time, and my clown car is being cleaned of clown pie for tomorrow’s show!” Clive exclaimed.

Just then, he remembered the elephants from the zoo, located next door to the coffee shop.

“Quick Clarissa, follow me!”

They both ran to the Elephant enclosure and leapt onto the back of one of the Elephants, named Clifton. They rode Clifton to the supermarket and arrived just in time to buy some coffee. They rode back to the zoo, thanked Clifton the Elephant with some unsalted peanuts and returned to the coffee shop.

Clarissa made Clive a coffee, and gave him a kiss on the cheek for helping her. Clive blushed such a bright shade of red, for a moment his face matched his big red clown nose.

Clive and Clarissa were married a year later. Clive retired from clowning and with Clarissa started a small cafe, which now has a coffee cart set up across from the elephant enclosure at the zoo.

Clifton the Elephant later died from anaphylactic shock due to a severe peanut allergy.

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An Aardvark Named Esteban

There was once an Aardvark named Esteban, he lived mostly on termites like most Aardvarks, however, Esteban also had a soft spot for chocolate sprinkles.

Once when he was at the beach, enjoying some salt & vinegar termites after a swim, he once ate some by accident, mistaking them for ants. He usually could find them scattered on the ground around the beach area, but he had to wait till all the people had left for the day.

One day while Esteban was sucking up all the chocolate sprinkles, he was so focused on them, he didn’t see the zoo van arrive. They caught him and put him in the back of their van and started to drive.

“Nice work, we finally found it.” One said to the other.

“Yeah, crafty thing he was, good plan to put out extra sprinkles today.” The other replied.

“I noticed last time we tried to catch it, it was eating all the sprinkles that had spilled from the ice-cream cart.”

The two continued to talk about how they caught Esteban and how he would be safer in the zoo. They soon arrived at the zoo, and Esteban was put in an enclosure with some other Aardvarks, where he now spends his days.

One day Esteban saw something very strange, he saw two humans, at least he thought they were humans, one did have a very bright red nose, took an Elephant from its enclosure and rode it out of the zoo. But apart from this one exciting day, all Esteban ever saw was the enclosure he was in, and the people coming and looking at him all day, and all he ever did was talk to his fellow Aardvarks and eat termites.

Then one bright and sunny day, something amazing happened. A boy was with his family, enjoying the zoo and all the animals. When they came to the Aardvark enclosure, Esteban saw the boy eating something with what looked like ants all over it.

With great excitement, Esteban began licking in the direction of the boy’s any covered food. The boy seemed to understand and moved the food within reach so Esteban could lick all the sprinkles off.

Sadly, the zoo staff thought Esteban was trying to eat the boy’s arm, so they fired a tranquilliser dart at him.

“No!” The boy cried out, “He was just eating the sprinkles on my ice-cream!”

Esteban suddenly felt very sleepy and everything went dark.

You can still see Esteban at the zoo any day of the week, now instead of being stuck inside the Aardvark enclosure, he is now the mascot for the zoo ice-cream cart, including wearing a little cart vendor’s paper hat, and an apron with the saying, ‘Make mine a Term-ice and Chocolate Ants Cone!’ printed on it.

Esteban lives out the remainder of his days, happy and content, with all the chocolate sprinkles he could ever want...

So if you happen upon that zoo, and see Esteban the Aardvark, say hello. Just be sure not to feed him anymore sprinkles, as he now can be also be found in veterinary journals, as he is being researched as the first Aardvark known to have type-II diabetes.

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The Boy and the Bear

Once a small boy was wandering through the woods and he saw a great bear emerge from the trees and open its jaws, roaring at him. The boy ran as fast as he could to get away from the bear, he ran and ran, until he didn’t think he could run any farther!

The boy ran so far to get away from the bear that eventually the boy realised he was lost in a part of the woods he did not know, and had ventured off the walking track somewhere on his run.

He decided to try and build a shelter to protect him from the elements, as it was getting dark and looked as if it would rain. Unable to find any suitable materials to make a shelter, the boy decided to look for a cave to hide in as he felt the first rain drops starting to fall.

Soon enough, but not soon enough to be at all dry, the boy found a small cave that appeared to be empty. He settled in for the night as best he could, but could not help the feeling he was being watched and thought he could feel a warm breath on his face.

The boy thought the cave must have been smaller than he thought and his own breath was bouncing back off the wall onto his face. He soon drifted off into a deep sleep.

The boy awoke to a terrible smell and worse sight. A bear, perhaps the very same bear from the woods, was breathing directly into his face!

The boy’s remains were never found by forest authorities.