To Go Back To Before

Among thousands on that city street, she looked past the crowd and saw him standing there. She could barely move when she noticed the abrupt recognition in his face. Her world stood entirely still for just a moment as she anxiously fought to take in a breath of fresh air. With nowhere to hide, her togetherness fell apart and her transparency faded away as he came closer to her.

He was scurrying to catch her, and when he finally reached and embraced her, her heart instantly shuddered and reminded her of their once. Something she had carelessly forgotten, and thought was once lost, had found her again. The tempest inside of her was raging when she remembered how perfectly flawless she felt in his arms. He recklessly evoked the scent of her skin as every memory of a promise they once lived, came flooding back to him. Almost like a song he was once besotted with, but hadn’t heard in far too many years, and how the lyrics remained imprinted in his soul as he memorized each word.

Instinctively, she wanted to grab his hands and beg him to go away with her. To run away. To go too far. Just for one night. To go back to before. Before she was someone else’s wife, and before he was another’s man. To before they knew too much and felt too little. To when they could still effortlessly function on love and desire alone. She wanted one more night to evoke the she, she once was. The she, she was with him.

Far away to a time when they were a them. To let go of their now and forget how they grew up and lost their magic. To before their lights were so cruelly turned down. To a time when no-one else mattered, and not much else was real. To when their bodies spoke so much louder and so much clearer than their voices did. She wanted to go so far back to when their hearts dissolved into their souls, just like they once did. Before life stole their passionate flames. She wanted to sit with him and hold his hand tightly into hers. She wanted to drown in the puddles of his eyes.

She wanted to splash around on the shore with him and gaze up at the stars as they counted almost everyone. She wanted to dream the same dream as he once did, before life stepped in and flung them into separate and untaught terrains. She wanted to go back just for one night and forget that she became someone else’s love. She wanted to forget that she had pledged her heart to another. For one night, she wanted to be free to unreservedly, love him again. She wanted to whisper how her heart still sought him out, and how her body still craved his. She wanted to step back into, and shamelessly linger in a moment she once thought she would never lose.

Instead, they talked and chuckled about old times and just about all they once went through. They spoke like old friends but fell silent and remained hushed about their old love. As though it no longer mattered. As though, it never mattered. As though it never happened. As though, the stars had stolen the memories of a love that once so distractedly captivated and obsessively consumed her.

He hugged her while she desperately held onto him. But, as she was about to beg him for just one more night, she knew that she had to forget him for a while longer. Perhaps forever. She gave him her very best smile as she died just a little inside. By the way he so profusely fought against an uninvited lump in his throat as he unashamedly lied about how wonderful his life had been since, just reminded her of how far they had come without the other.

He held her close enough to whisper how dreadfully he had missed her, but that he was in a hurry to go back to his life without her. He had to leave. When he walked away from her, he was only moments away from asking her to run away. To go too far. Just for one night. To go back to before. Before he was someone else’s man, and before she was another’s wife. To before they knew too much and felt too little.