Time to Change

*Disclaimer: This story is a piece of Harry Potter fan fiction. All plot, character, and other original elements belong to J. K. Rowling. I simply adapted this story from her wizarding world.

She had dreams swarming in her toes.

I (supposedly) had Berlies floating in my nose.

But together? Oh we rose and rose and rose!

How we began our flight I can tell you but why it happened I am just as clueless as you are yourself. Luna was never a girl I guessed I would date. Most guys don’t just assume they are going to date anyone, but what I really mean is that I never saw myself with her. When you can’t picture yourself with someone you just don’t see it, and that’s the way I felt for the longest time. To me, she was just that girl who always wore a humorous expression and who walked around dazed, reading from an upside down magazine I later learned to be her father’s own imaginative creation.

I first actually met Luna at a blistering cold Quidditch game: Hufflepuff vs. Gryffindor. I was standing next to my best mate Seamus, who, to my dismay, was deeply engrossed in a rather flirtatious conversation with Marlene, a girl in our house but the year above us. They were huddled close together as the wind blew more violently so I had my body turned the other way as to not intrude. I loved Seamus to death and still do to this very day but at times he annoyed the hell out of me and this was one of those moments where he was like a scorching hot piece of metal glued to my foot. Why did he have to push me away just because he was busy chatting it up with a girl he never thought he had a shot with? Couldn’t I be a part of their conversation? They could still cuddle…couldn’t they?

Out of nowhere a large, lion head popped into my line of vision. I jumped, startled, but caught myself in time before I screamed or gasped so loud that I drew unwanted attention to myself. Don’t get me wrong, I was and still am a very well-liked man but at times I was afraid that some wouldn’t accept me for all of who I was. No one is the same as anyone else and I am no exception. But at that age, I cared a bit too much about where I ranked against others and a lot too less about what my future might hold.

Anyway, after my miniature heart attack, I looked the humongous lion in the face and crinkled my forehead, frowning. Never had I quite seen such a sight and as humorous as it was, but I couldn’t have any more respect for the person wearing it. It would take a huge amount of courage to stand out in the middle of a crowd wearing a mask as attention-drawing as that. I know even to this day I wouldn’t have the courage to wear something like that in public.

“Hello Dean,” a dreamy and girly voice blurted from underneath the disguise. This girl obviously knew who I was but due to the bulky lion, I couldn’t be sure who was underneath it all. I saw lengthy, fair hair and bright blue eyes; this girl was familiar in features but I couldn’t be sure if I had ever spoken to her at all.

“No offense, but who are you? I really can’t tell right now.”

“Oh, it’s alright. I’m sure you don’t know who I am. My name is Luna Lovegood and I’m supporting your team all the way to the end because Ravenclaw hasn’t won a game yet this season. I have always been an active fan for the Gryffindors. You don’t mind if I stand here, right? I like the view. I can see a lot up here.”

“No, uhh, take a seat--whatever. Thanks for showing your spirit for us. I’m sure I’m not the only one who appreciates it.”

“It’s no big deal. Like I said, who else was I going to cheer for? So, you’re a fifth year?”

“Yeah. What year are you again?”

“Fourth. I like fourth year. It’s much more exciting than being a third year, I think.”

Out on the field, Fred and George Weasley had collided and nearly lost balance on their brooms. Despite the fact that they both nearly injured themselves, I laughed, because their collision (like Fred and George) was pure comedy.

“I agree.”

She turned her immense eyes away from me and surveyed the field, missing out on what had happened. Seconds ticked by and she still hadn’t asked me what had issued my laugh and several others’. That took me completely by surprise.

Our conversation ended there but it wasn’t the last one we ever had. Now that we had talked, Luna often waved to me in the corridors when we crossed paths. Out on the grounds, she also joined Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny, and I during a few of our care-free conversations. Seamus wasn’t there because of his not-so-minor irritation with all things pertaining to Harry Potter, but it didn’t bother me. Seamus and I actually weren’t spending a lot of time talking because of the ordeal. I sided with Harry and he didn’t--large conflicts like that were awfully straining on a friendship. Plus, he was now dating Marlene and therefore would have little time for me even if we were talking as often as years previous. But I knew he’d come around eventually.

When Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny, and Luna disappeared from the castle one night toward the end of the school year that same year, I was in a state of fright. Students hardly ever left the school, and usually they were planned out or emergency reasons. Not that this wasn’t an emergency to attend to--I wholly believe why they left was of vast urgency--but typically students didn’t just get up and leave. Also, I had my eyes on Ginny Weasley lately, and with her gone I couldn’t sit still or think straight. I wasn’t at all comfortable.

Well, that about concludes my fifth year at Hogwarts. The six students who had left all returned safely except a few scratches and bruises here and there. On the train ride back for the summer, Ginny and I chatted for nearly the entire ride and agreed to owl each other throughout the course of the summer. We began dating in July, but technically didn’t start a real relationship until the start of school the next fall. At that time I couldn’t have been happier.

But a year later I would realize just how blissful I could be. Ginny and I broke up after several months of dating due mostly to her infatuation with all things Harry Potter. But I have to take some credit in the breakup myself, as I began to see signs that we were not as compatible as I had hoped. Still, I had no idea that in a year's time I would traverse through both the most difficult and rewarding times of my life.

I was out on the run with a few other muggle-borns and a goblin or two when my life as I knew it ended for me. We were all captured by Snatchers, a few of us killed in the process, and I was dumped in the basement of the Malfoy Manor where Mr. Ollivander and Luna were also being held captive. It was here our friendship bloomed to mean more to me than I ever thought possible.

One day or night (we had all lost track of what was what) Luna and I were squashed into one corner of the cramped and chilly room and Ollivander sat across from us, a deadened and broken look on his face. He had been tortured earlier this morning, we’d heard it all. I didn’t blame him if he was still in pain, especially at his age. I found it wondrous that he was still going as well as he was. But he wouldn’t make it if things continued this way for the next few months. I was certain of that much.

Luna was staring at a sack of long spoiled potatoes that were most likely put here just to annoy us even when we were all in a state of little consideration for our own well-being. We all wanted out, and if that meant being murdered in the process not one of us cared much. Except perhaps Luna. I don’t think it’s fair of me to speak for her.

“Did you know your ears buzz, Dean? It’s got to be the Wrakspurts. It’s got to be!” Luna spoke, her eyes still resting on the potatoes. She didn’t sound as peppy as she used to be but she certainly wasn’t as down as me. I wanted to wrap myself into a ball and roll down a mountain. Luna, I’m sure, desired to fly.

“I’ve never noticed that before. You really think so?”

“I do. Mr. Ollivander, do you hear it? The buzzing from Dean’s ears?” As out of order as Mr. Ollivander was he appeared to have a soft spot for Luna and her ramblings. He brought up the strength to speak, vigor I would have never guessed he possessed.

“I’ve heard the buzzing since the day Dean arrived here, Luna. I’m surprised you didn’t pick up on it sooner!”

Luna pondered his thoughts it seemed, but answer quickly as well. Her eyes were brought away from the sack of potatoes and now found Mr. Ollivander’s face. “Oh, I’ve heard the noise for awhile now too, but I couldn’t tell until now whether it was you or Dean. But now, it’s definitely Dean.”

As she said my name the last time she turned her face toward mine, a small smile on her lips. I was pleased she didn’t seem to mind my presence. With what I knew about Luna, she didn’t seem like the type who wouldn’t like someone just at a first glance but you never know for sure until you figure it out yourself.

At that moment, the door swung open and Peter Pettigrew crept down the spindly staircase. He pulled Mr. Ollivander up by one bony arm and was back up the stairs and out the door as quickly as he had come.

“Not again…” I groaned, frightened.

Luna didn’t reply. I glanced down at her and saw a glassy surface cover the eyes I had come to know so well. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t be sure but I was nearly positive I felt the exact same way she did inside.

“Maybe they won’t torture him again? The probably just wanted to talk, you know. Ask some questions? He’ll be alright, I know he will.”

In response to my pathetic attempt at comfort Luna just dug her head further into my shoulder. Surprisingly, we found a comfortable position where we had the other for consolation. It wasn’t’ easy with our wrists knotted behind us, but I wasn’t about to complain. Luna was a girl unlike any one I had ever met. I hardly knew her at this point in my life but I was certain I wouldn’t mind getting closer to her. Whether or not the universe would allow it was an entirely different question.

Our friendship did grow, much to my surprise, and I'll admit it, excitement. I didn’t think of her as anything more than a friend just yet but as I listened to her speak and dream, to her hum and cry, I knew we held a connection no one would ever be able to sever. The experience we were sitting through was terrifying. Death was at every corner and by working in compliance to one another we were able to get through it all. There was a lot worse company I could have been stuck with.

Rescue came after awhile in the form of three amazing individuals and an even more magnificent trio. But, surprisingly, this didn’t split Luna and me up. In fact, it only ended up bringing us closer. After one horrific night, we were brought back to Shell Cottage, where Bill Weasley and his recent wife Fluer lived. It was a beautiful home with an even more beautiful landscape and I could hardly imagine myself in a safer place. Bill and Fluer were extremely kind to let strangers into their home just so they could remain nearly entirely out of harm’s way and even though I still send a Christmas card and a birthday gift to them both every year, I don’t think I could ever offer them enough gratitude for saving my life. And Mr. Ollivander’s. And perhaps most importantly, Luna’s.

My feelings for Luna definitely aren’t what they were at one point but I’m still more and more thankful that she received the chance to live each and every day. She’s done wonders for the Wizarding World, even if some don’t understand the extent of her discoveries. She and her husband have created an entirely new foundation for what we can do in our world, or so I believe. Maybe my bias gets in the way, who knows. Other can surely disagree.

But I do have to make something clear: I did love Luna Lovegood. No, it was more than that; I fell in love with her. And I’ll admit that it was probably the easiest thing I have ever done. It was authentic and it was true and I wouldn't take it back even if I could.

After Mr. Ollivander left Shell Cottage, Luna and I were ordered to stay for awhile longer to ensure our safety and recover from our captivity. This is when my feelings grew and were no longer as controllable as I wished. I couldn’t spit things out or think straight, something I had never had a problem with when I fancied any other girl. But this time it was obviously different. My heart sped up when she came into view and when she spoke! Oh I was a blubbering mess! I’m sure I was quite a fool but Luna never seemed to notice, or care, whichever one it was. I think Bill picked up on it and Fluer too, because they often left us alone to communicate and explore. It was nice of them, another reason why I could never possess enough gratitude to provide them with. They allowed for me to take flight in a world I never dreamed I would ever explore. They just didn’t expect for my heart to ever be shattered so blindly.

During our last week at the cottage (although, we weren’t aware it was our last week) was when our relationship turned into something more. Luna was out in the water of the sea that slept near Shell Cottage and I was sprawled out on a bed of rocks on shore. I wasn’t sure what she was looking for, something she had explained earlier. I felt helplessly guilty for not remembering but didn’t wish to ask her again. I knew she wouldn’t mind but it wasn’t like me to simply ask.

“Have you found any yet?”

Luna turned her head around to glance at me before busying herself back in the water. “Nothing yet. But there are some out here, I know there are!”

“We’ll find some,” I promised as I jumped up and rolled up my trousers, the same ones I had had worn for the last seven months. I wadded into the shockingly warm water that appeared to be shallow for the next long stretch. I didn’t know quite what to do but I watched Luna who seemed to be swinging her arms underneath the water. I mocked her movements and found the motion created some sort of a whirlpool, bringing nearly everything within a reasonable distance and not stuck on the bottom toward me. A bright, almost glow-in-the-dark speckle caught my eye and I snatched in one palm, amazed. I had never seen a pebble like this before and intended to show it to Luna to see what she thought. “Hey Luna, you have to see this.”

She turned and started toward me, curious. I trudged toward her once we were side by side I opened my palm. “Isn’t it-”

“You found one!” She exclaimed, ecstatic. She pinched it in between her fingers and brought it to her face for closer inspection. “I have never seen a Capdula so large!”

I hung there, amazed. Had I really just found what she had spent the past two hours looking for in a matter of minutes? I could hardly believe it! And Luna’s surprise and pleasure was enough to make me smile for hours. Luna engulfed me in a wild hug and in my surprise my knee hit her in the stomach, causing us both to rock off balance. We hit water, my back and head hitting first and Luna falling over my legs, her face the first part to contact the sea. I sputtered as I broke the surface and spit out the water that got caught in my mouth. Luna did the same. We crawled up to our knees, the water still shallow enough for us to breath.

I broke out into laughter. Luna just frowned.

“I-I dropped the Capdula….”

Her expression was hard and solemn. One glance at her and I felt my heart fall to my toes. I wasn’t used to her mood changing so suddenly and honestly didn’t like to see her so upset. It hurt me.

“I can find another one. Or you can. You certainly do a much better job than I do. It was all just luck that I got that first one, that’s all. C’mon, let’s get up and try again.”

Luna held my gaze for awhile longer, her eyes lightening dramatically but her face remaining in a similar depressed state. I had to look away.

I helped Luna to her feet after getting myself up and off the rocks and we began the arm movements again, first at a slow pace and then later speeding it up. Within five minutes I had found another Capdula and upon giving it to Luna, her smile brought my heart up from the bottom of my feet and back to its natural position.

“Why are you so nice to me?”

Luna’s simple question nearly brought tears to my eyes. This girl had been through so much throughout her life, a lot especially in the past few months. The fact that some refused to give her the time of day crushed me. It wasn’t fair and it certainly wasn’t right. She was an amazing person. I realized that after talking with her and befriending her and it hurt me to know that others had simply brushed her away. That was why she was asking me this. She was desperate to know why so many hadn’t bothered and why I had. She wanted to figure out what made me so different.

I wasn’t’ sure if I was quite ready to tell her.

“I think you’re nice, and friendly, and well…brilliant! I have no reason not to be nice to you. It’s not like you’ve ever done anything to hurt me. Why should I hurt you?”

Luna dropped her head toward the ground and I wondered why. What had I said that didn’t sit well with her? What did I do?

“That’s not true.”

I was more confused that before. How could anything I said have been a lie? “What isn’t true?”

Luna wasn’t reluctant to say what she said next, as I expected her to be. Rather, she was quick to answer and obviously not fearful of what I would say after her comment. Her confidence was intimidating, but it didn’t push me away. It only drew me closer, yearning more than ever to understand exactly who Luna was.

“I have been ignoring you for weeks now. I have noticed the way you look at me, I have seen it all, and I have felt it all. I’m hurting you by not giving you something to work of off. You actually like me, and I have no idea why but I don’t think I deserve that right now. And I don't know what to do about it, I've never been in this situation. All you have done is help me and protect me and what have I don’t for you? Nothing! I don’t want you to like me when you deserve someone who’ll actually be able to offer you something in return. I have nothing to give to you and that’s not fair.”

I bit the inside of my cheek and gradually sat back down in the water, more shocked than ever before. She actually thought she wasn’t good enough for me! The truth was I didn’t deserve her. She was so pure and complete and beautiful. I wasn’t any of those things. I was lost, I was insecure, and I was terrified. What she was saying didn’t add up in my eyes.

“You deserve so much better than me! But I couldn’t help but fall in love. It was just too easy with you helping me every day. Subconsciously, of course. But it happened and I’m not ashamed of it. You’re an unbeatable person to fall in love with. I can’t dream of anything better.”

Luna then sat down next to me in the water, the surface coming up to about mid-arm on her. She laid her head and body against mine, much like our days back in the cellar of the Malfoy Manor. Except this time it was entirely different.

That was when we decided to give a relationship a go. It was difficult starting out. The Final Battle took place less than two weeks later and throughout the entire thing I constantly wondered where Luna was and if we would both even make it out alive. Thankfully, it happened with no longstanding injuries for either of us.

The first time I kissed her was nearly five months later, when we were boarding the train to Hogwarts; me to fill in my seventh year and Luna to do the same, only on schedule. Of course I had wanted to do it multiple times before then but it didn’t feel like that kind of relationship with her. Together, it just felt like having a connection like ours was even more intimate than anything physical.

But it was bound to happen sometime and that was when I had chosen to do it. I had grabbed our luggage because there wasn’t much of it and as we stepped up onto the train I pecked her on mouth. Was it special? Definitely. And memorable too. Plus, it didn’t seem to bother Luna at all which I was very pleased with. If anything, she appeared to glow brighter in color and in shine.

Our year at Hogwarts together as a couple went splendidly. Honestly, I don’t think I could have asked for anything better. Us as a couple was most likely difficult for others peers to understand but eventually, as always, everyone just sunk back into reality to focus on something else that was fresh and exciting. We got a few stares, yes, but I’m tempted to believe that the questions in others’ eyes only made me prouder of what Luna and I shared. There’s nothing compared to the feeling of being truly happy--blissfully content--and I was all that and beyond as I completed my final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

After graduating school I knew I wanted to go into journalism, and possibly open up my own bookstore later on down the road. Luna, well…she couldn’t decide on just one thing to do. She desired to take over the Quibbler for her father once he was to pass away; also, she wished to travel the world in search for original species of plants and animals; she wanted to go into the Ministry branch of law enforcement, one dream that struck me as very odd. I had never pictured Luna Lovegood, the woman I had fallen effortlessly in love with, to fantasize about working to charge others with crimes but, in a way, it suited her. She was all for making the world a safer place for everyone who shared it and her openness and confidence would help her in a field such as that. She was just and accepting, but also determined. Maybe it would actually be the perfect occupation for her.

One day in late August the same year (Luna and I nearing one and a half years together) Luna shocked me with some very exhilarating news. She had contacted the grandson of the great Newt Scamander, who was an aspiring naturalist who had graduated from Durmstrang three years previous. Rolf, the grandson, was interested in touring southern France and northern Italy with Luna to help her with his own dreams of discovering more about the world and what inhabited it. Little did I know, I would be almost forced to come along. Luna told me she couldn’t imagine leaving without me. We would be gone two, maybe three, maybe four months. At this point I wasn’t quite sure but I didn’t particularly care. My journalism career could wait some time before starting up, and spending more time with Luna was all that mattered. Hell, I could do some writing on the road, there would certainly be room for books and teachings. Plus, if things continued to go so well for us I knew there was more in our future. I had thought about marrying her multiple times and although I knew I wasn’t ready yet, I couldn’t help but feel that it would happen, that we would both be happy with a life together, forever.

I ended up being wrong.

We left, just Rolf, Luna, and I, less than two weeks later and everything happened so quickly from there. My life as I knew it was spinning out of control and before I could comprehend it all I was dumped right back where I had begun my journey two years previous. What happened, may you ask? Love would be the common answer but I have a more accurate one: life. I’m under the assumption that we are all put on this world with our life planned out for us. We, however, don’t know where we will end up. Luna and I (and well Rolf too, I suppose) could never predict what was to happen that autumn. What took place simply did and although I was hurt in the process, I don’t believe it was all for the worst. My days with Luna changed me as a person and will always be times I reflect back on with a smile. Although our relationship didn’t work the way I ultimately desired it to at one point, I got more out of what we shared than I knew I would ever receive from another relationship.

Luna taught me that being yourself isn’t just about standing out--it’s about reaching out. If you ever want to become the best you you can possibly be you can’t just sit back and be lazy about it. Part of determining who you are comes from getting up to your feet and working to figure it out. I wasn’t aware of that before. To me, being myself was simply speaking what was on my mind and caring about those I wanted to care about but now I know there is so much more to the deal.

Long story short as to why Luna and I are no longer together is that she fell in love with Rolf on that trip to southern Europe. Keep in mind; she never fell in love with me. I held a big place in her heart and still do today but she didn’t fall at the sound of my voice like I did at her’s. She didn’t leap toward the sun when she looked into my eyes. She wasn’t jumping from fantasy to fantasy because there wasn’t time to think of anything else. Her heart didn’t become a cold, frigid, useless doorway when we parted sides. No, at least not for me.

Luna was sincere about the whole thing though, as I am sure you can imagine. Just think, you head off on a trip with your girlfriend and an aspiring daredevil who holds more of the same interests as your girlfriend than you? It wouldn’t be that difficult of a choice to pick the other guy when he made you feel so much better about yourself. Luna might disagree with these statements but that doesn’t matter because these are my thoughts and I have the right to vent them in any way I feel necessary. I wasn’t the better man. But more importantly, I wasn't the right man. If I had been, she would have still remained at my side and a faithful partner to me for the rest of our lives. But as we are all now aware of, that didn’t happen and that still leaves me with one burning question I will never have the answer to: What could I have done to keep Luna, forever as I so planned?

The night my fears were confirmed by Luna herself it was humid and the skies were clear. I had noticed something was changing about her as the days passed but wasn’t sure what it could be until a week earlier when I saw the way Luna just stared at Rolf, admiration present in her beautiful eyes. I recognized that expression; it was the same way I had looked at Luna for so long, a helpless yet reassuring glance that assured you that everything was going to be alright.

“Dean…” Luna had began, her cheeks wet with tears and her eyes brimmed with new ones. It nearly killed me to see her in such a state but what more was there for me to do? She had him. He would help her through it all. What more could I do after she had already chosen Rolf?

“I get it. Don’t worry. I understand.”

“But Dean, oh Dean, you have no idea how terrible I feel! Have you ever just wanted to wash away your emotions, your feelings, just so you didn’t have to face hurting someone? I didn’t want to hurt you. Believe me, it was never my intention. Rolf just hooked me in a way you never had and I couldn’t keep up. I’m lost somewhere but I know that the path that carries Rolf is the way I’m supposed to go.”

I attempted to blink back my own tears. It was painful enough to know what she felt for Rolf; I didn’t need to hear about it! But I knew she needed to tell me. If it was the only thing that would calm her down and make her feel better about the situation than let her do it. I wasn’t about to argue with her at a time like this. “I know what it’s like to fall in love with someone you never expected to. Look at us. You never fell in love with me, which I accepted, but I fell so deeply in love with you. Shit happens. I can get through this, please know that. It’ll take some time, sure, but I can and will make it through all of this. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.”

Luna’s reply was rapid and harsh, making it all the more solid in the process. She truly meant it. “I was hoping it would be you.”

I let the tears fall from my eyes as I quickly wrapped Luna in an embrace and turned to apparate back home. There was no use in my staying around this place when Luna and Rolf were the ones who really knew what they were doing and what they wished to accomplish.

“But I guess I should have known we weren’t made for each other. You have Wrakspurts in your ears, remember? So do I. With soulmates, one has them and the other doesn’t. We just weren’t meant to last forever.”

I grinned at her words before apparating back home and leaving the last year and a half behind. It hurt, it pained me so much to do so but Luna already had moved on and it was time for me to do the same.

I eventually fell out of love with Luna Lovegood. It wasn’t easy, I’ll admit that much but I accomplished it and we remained great friends. Today, five years later, Luna has taken over the Quibbler and I write an article for her every edition, a favor she thinks of as a huge help. Her and Rolf got married two years ago and had twins this past January. I’m Lysander’s godfather, a title I intend to live out well.

In my life I have yet to learn what it really means to live. I have crossed over several milestones, one of them falling in love with a woman who shined brighter than the sun and dreamed wider than the seas. That’s not a bad start if I say so myself but with so much ahead, and still no way of knowing what my destiny is, I have a lot left to discover. Including uncovering what exactly Capdulas are.