Through the Fog

I opened my eyes slowly, eyelids heavy and mind filled with fog.

Water...? I thought blearily as I lifted my hands to my face to rub the sleep away. And... Singing? Seagulls?

I sat up quickly. Did I fall asleep on the beach again? I had been at the beach earlier, but I remembered starting to walk back to my apartment.

I looked around as my mind started to clear. This wasn't the beach I had been at. I don't think I have ever seen this beach before.

"I don't want to scare you," a voice called from somewhere in front of me, ironically causing me to jump and stumble awkwardly to my feet, "I realize you must be scared, I am sorry, you are safe."

That sounded a lot like something someone would say after kidnapping me.

Kidnapping... There was someone. On my way back home...

I looked around frantically for the source of the voice. It was foggy, so foggy I could barely see more than five feet in any direction.

"Hello?" I called out, feeling foolish, but unsure of what else to say.

A woman stepped from the fog, startling me again.

"Hello, dear. I am sorry for frightening you, but I can explain." she said, her voice calm as she walked slowly towards me.

I didn't know how to react. I stood there frozen as I looked her over. She was tall, taller than me at least, her skin a soft brown and her hair silver. She had shockingly grey-blue eyes, but even more shocking was what she wore. From a distance it seemed she was just wearing a greenish brown dress with a shawl, but as she approached I could see that wasn't the case. Her dress seemed to be made of seaweed, the kind I would always find walking along the beach I frequented. It was greenish-brown, almost leathery, and around her shoulders she wore what looked like an old fishing net as a shawl.

"Explain...?" I responded slowly, more confused than ever.

"Yes, but first please come inside, out of the chill. I promise I am not here to hurt you, only to help."

That still sounded a lot like something someone would say if they were trying to hurt you. What would she do next? Ask if I wanted any candy?

I looked at her skeptically, taking a slow step towards her.

"I realize how that sounds," she said with a soft smile, "but I don't know if I could say anything better suited at the moment."

That seemed logical enough. I looked around again, my options were limited, I could barely see and had no clue where I was. I suppose I could run and get lost and die slowly of dehydration, or I could follow her and die some other way. I chose the latter option and took another step towards her. She smiled softly again before turning to walk back the way she had come as I followed silently after her, the pebbles under my feet softly crunching.

It felt pointless to ask where we were going, it's not like I would recognize it. I didn't recognize anything about this place, and the fog didn't help. I looked down at the pebbles I walked through. I wasn't wearing shoes, which was not exactly strange for me, but I felt like the colorful pebbles we walked through should have been more painful. They felt soft, the same way that sand feels soft, but they seemed to be large pieces of sea glass. I could see hundreds of different colors amongst them: blues, greens, pinks, purples, white, clear, even yellow, which I hadn't seen on any beach before. I wondered what the whole beach looked like without the fog. I wonder what it looked like with the sun reflecting on the rainbow of glass.

"Not that much farther, dear." The woman said, "You'll see it up here."

I looked up from my feet to see a building slowly coming into view. Not just a building, a lighthouse. I looked up, taken aback by the sight. The light at the top was barely visible, but enough that I could see it wasn't shining, even though it seemed to be near sunset. Sunset... Sunrise? What time is it? It was dark when I left my usual beach, how long was I sleeping?

I was startled from my thoughts when the woman spoke again, "Do you like coffee? Tea? Juice maybe?" she said, opening the door at the bottom of the lighthouse.

"Uhm, Co-coffee I guess? I like tea, too, but- but I am feeling like I need coffee." I stammered as I followed her into a cozy looking living room area.

"Coffee it is." She said cheerfully, "Make yourself at home, the fire is warm if you'd like to sit by it while I get us some coffee."

"Right... yeah, I guess I will do that..."

She smiled over at me before heading to an adjacent room I assumed was the kitchen, I could hear her rummaging around and humming softly. Her voice was soft and beautiful, almost calming.

I headed over to the couch in front of a lit fireplace. The room was small, an old-looking brownish floral print couch with old fashioned wooden legs in front of the fireplace, the mantel covered in little knickknacks. There were figures carved in shells; a fish, a cat, a unicorn; and shiny rocks and bits of glass on every surface. A simple gold and brown lamp sat on a table next to the couch, pieces of glass shining in the light from the fire. In front of the couch was a simple wooden coffee table made of driftwood. I caught motion out of the corner of my eye as I sat down.

"Oh, hello," I said to the cat that sauntered from under the old couch. "You're very cute."

The cat meowed in response, jumping up next to me and rubbing against my arm. I cautiously pet it's head and was rewarded with soft purring. I smiled, feeling oddly at home in this strange place. I had always wanted a cat of my own, I just never wanted to put them through my constant moving and occasional homelessness. I always had my shitty car to sleep in, but that was no life for a cat. I befriended whatever neighborhood cats I could, giving them treats and telling them to stay safe as they went about their lives. Recently there had been one cat that came to my door nearly every day. I wanted so bad to take her into my warm apartment, but I was afraid she belonged to someone else, so I let it be, learning to be content with her daily visits.

"What is your name, sweetie?" I cooed, taking a look at the collar around its neck.

Cerberus I read. Hm, Greek Mythology?

"Here we are," the strange woman said, coming back into the room carrying a tray in her hands, "Ah, I see you met Cerberus. He's very nice, in spite of his name."

"I can see that." I responded softly as she set the tray on the coffee table and sat next to me on the couch.

Cerberus mewed pleasantly before moving away to jump on the woman's lap instead, purring louder as she pet him lovingly.

"You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat animals." I said before even knowing I was going to say it.

"I feel the same." she responded, "Cream? Sugar? Dairy? Non-dairy? I brought it all, I wasn't sure what you would want."

"Non-dairy and sugar sounds good." I said as she reached over Cerberus to pour coffee from an ancient looking percolator into two seperate mugs. She put cream and sugar in both before handing me one. It crossed my mind that she probably put the same ingredients in both so that I knew it wasn't poisoned, but that seemed a little paranoid of me, even if I had no clue what was happening. My friends always told me I was too trusting.

"I know you have questions," the woman said after taking a sip of her coffee, "you can ask anything you want."

I glanced over at her as I sipped my own coffee, it settled soft and warm in my belly, helping to calm some of my nerves.

"What's your name?" I asked after a moment.

Her eyes widened for just a moment before she answered. "You can call me Kay."

"Alright, Kay. You seem surprised, were you not expecting that question?"

"I wasn't," she said with a chuckle, "most people ask 'where am I' or 'why am I here' before that question."

I shrugged, "It feels weird to ask anything else without knowing who I'm asking." I paused, "Now that you say that, what do you mean 'most people'? How many people do you find asleep on the beach?"

She smiled sadly in response, "A lot. Many people who are lost find their way here."

"Well that was vague. So let me be like these 'other people', where are we?"

"My home, a lighthouse."

I hummed skeptically. "Still pretty vague there, Kay."

She laughed. "Do you remember where you were before you ended up here?"

"Well..." I said slowly, frowning as I tried to think back, "I know I was on a different beach, a beach I knew... and it was just after dark. I was headed back to my apartment."

"Anything else? It's okay if you don't, most people have trouble remembering right away."

"Most people," I repeated, narrowing my eyes at Kay, "You really must find a lot of people randomly on this beach, but why wouldn't they remember how they got here?"

"It's not the way they got here so much as it is why they ended up here."

"That sounds the same to me."

"It's not exactly. You'll understand, just try and remember what happened before. I'll be right here."

I set down my mug and leaned against the back of the couch, thinking. I was at my usual spot, I was walking home the usual way, I made it to the bridge... The bridge, the bridge. What was after the bridge? I stayed later than I had meant, I like getting home before it gets too dark... What happened after I made it to the bridge? I took a step... and then... something. I sat back up, sighing in frustration.

"I don't remember, I can almost remember, but its like looking through cloudy glass- I can make out some shapes- but not definitively. Do you know? You're kind of acting as if you know."

Kay sighed sadly, "It's best if you remember on your own. It helps smooth out the transition."

"Transition?" I asked, feeling frustration slowly building in my chest. "What the hell does that mean? If you know you should just tell me- just give me the information-"

The frustration died in my throat. Give me... Give me. Give me. Give me.

"I..." I looked up at Kay, her soft smile gone from her face, replaced by sadness. Not pity, not devastation, just... sadness. Just a look of empathetic sadness. "There was a man- tall, paper thin pale skin, gaunt eyes... He asked me to give him my wallet. I told him I had no money, but I didn't want trouble. I told him I would come back and give him money if he needed it... I've been there before, on the street, needing money."

Cerberus moved back over to my lap, his purring comforting as I continued on. "He said to just give him the wallet. He wouldn't stop. So I did, I gave him the wallet...." I stopped to take a shaky breath, "He was mad, he was so mad when he saw I wasn't lying. I really had no money. He was holding a rock, just a large rock." I stopped, looking up at Kay.

Kay put her hand over mine on the couch, comfortingly.

My eyes widened as I remembered the rest, "I turned away, he was so mad, he just threw it. I don't think I even felt it. It hit me- but I.... I woke up here."

Kay nodded solemnly, urging me to go on.

"It hit me. It- am I...?" I didn't know how to finish that sentence. How could I finish that sentence?

"It did hit you. 'Blunt force trauma' is the human term. You have taken a step away from the living world," Kay said softly, "I am here to help you take another."

"Take another?" I asked, barely a whisper, "Who- or what are you? An angel? A demon?" I started to pant heavily. Pant? Why would I need to pant if I'm... if I'm dead?

Kay put both of her hands on my shoulders. "I am not a demon," she said, looking into my eyes, "I am also not an angel."

"Then... what?"

"I need you to focus. I can promise you I am here to help, but if I tell you what I am you may not like it. Humans have given those like me a bad reputation. They didn't understand what or why we are. I will tell you, but you need to listen carefully."

I looked at her warily, searching her grey eyes for any sign of malice, but found only kindness.

"I'm listening." I said, trying to sound strong, but I knew it fell flat.

She stayed silent for a moment, looking at me with an almost uncomfortable intensity, before seeming to find what she was looking for.

"Humans have seen those like me since they were still in the early stages of evolution. Most only after they have left the living world behind, but some before they are fully gone. Some see us and then recover..."

"Like people in a coma?" I ask.

"Not really. Although maybe some have, but not for a long time. Mostly sailors. Men who began to slip away from the living world when living on the sea takes too much from them. Those like me have lived in or near the sea since the beginning, it was always easy for us to find them quickly. Nevertheless, many recovered, but remembered us like a fever dream. They told stories and tall tales of what we do. Saying we lure and kill, but that is not what we do. We are here to help, to make your transition into the next life easier."

I turned towards the fire, processing everything she was saying.

"A siren." I said finally, looking back over at her for confirmation. She nodded.

"You were humming. It calmed me." She nodded again. "Fuck." I breathed. "We had that shit all wrong."

That startled a laugh out of her. "It was incorrect, but we understand why. The unknown is scary. Death is scary. It's like human children thinking a shadow on the wall is a monster in the night. It's easy to over exaggerate fear, but I promise we are here to help."

I stared into the fire, sipping my coffee slowly. After a long minute I turned back to Kay.

"The next step, what is it?"

Kay smiled again, "It's the next life. A new life."

"So, like heaven? Did the Christians really get that right? I'm kind of upset about that." I pouted.

"No. Christians are right about a few things, in the same way the ancient humans were 'right' about me and my kind. 'Close, but no cigar', I believe is a phrase in your tongue that describes it well."

I huffed out a laugh, sitting in silence for another moment before asking, "What, then?"

"Reincarnation is what most humans call it." She said cautiously, "Although it's not like you come back as an animal, you're always human."

I nodded slowly, "So who chooses where we start? Why are some born rich and healthy while other are not?"

Kay shrugged, "Rich and poor is a human concept. It is all by chance. By now you have lived many lives- some rich, some poor, some healthy, some sick. The cycle just continues. You fill in spots and live your life."

I narrowed my eyes at her, "Then what's the point?"

She smiled suddenly, brighter than she had before. "There is none."

I blinked slowly. "There is no point?"

"No point, at least no 'Grand Plan'. There is no omnipotent, omniscient being controlling it all, no one who can predict or know everything. It is what it is. There is purpose in finding purpose, but that's about it."

"Purpose in finding purpose... So what makes a life a 'life well lived'?"

"What you leave behind." Kay answered simply, "the world has been like this since the beginning, and will continue on like this. The love, the kindness, and the impression you leave behind in your last life is what matters in the rest. It's all that matters to all of humanity. You don't have to be famous, or discover cures for human diseases, or be a CEO. The purpose is to make the world better one step at a time, even the smallest acts of love and kindness make the world a better place for everyone, including the next version of you."

I hummed thoughtfully, about to ask another question when a clock rang out from the kitchen.

"Well, dear, that's our time." Kay said, standing up.

"Our time?"

"You have a life to get to, the world needs you."

I hesitated.

"It won't hurt, trust me, I'm here to help, remember?"

I nodded slowly before standing up, carefully setting Cerberus aside.

"One more question," I said, petting Cerberus, "What about animals?"

Kay smiled at me, "That's another beautiful thing. You know the cat that always came to your apartment?" I nodded, "She has been your cat for every life. They are also reborn, and they always return. You will see her again in the next life, and the next. They are always with you."

I smiled widely at Kay. "That's amazing!"

"It's one of my favorite things of all. Now come on, you have a life to live."

I followed her through the small living area and back out the door. The fog had lifted a bit and the sun illuminated a colorful path of glass to a small boat on the shore. Kay led me to the boat and gestured for me to sit. I did as I was asked, half distracted by everything I had learned. I knew I would forget again, I would lose this knowledge to a new life, and then a new death, and on, and on. And yet I still thought about it as Kay started to row out into the water.

Before I knew it the boat landed softly on a small island, barely 10 feet around. In the middle of the island was a wood door in a wood frame, weathered from the salty ocean wind. There was no other structure, just the door.

"Ready?" Kay asked softly.

I nodded and made my way out of the boat and to the door. I put my hand on the knob and slowly turned it. Inside the door was a film, almost like water, rippling softly, light reflecting off of it in silvery waves. I looked back at Kay and smiled.

"Thanks for the coffee, I'll see you around."