Throbbing

(Six months later, the same time as Charlie and Pim’s chapter) Inspired by Summer with Monika by Ingmar Bergman.

Part two: Feels so good (Mama Duke)

The couple were outdoors in spring. They were on a picnic date at the park.

Grim was resting on Gnarly, sitting on his lap with his arm around Gnarly’s shoulder.

This was scary, they both thought. Even though they had done something similar to this before, it had only been six months of practice, getting it right, as Gnarly had said, to showing their love for each other in public this way. 

As Grim slowly smoked his clove cigarette, Gnarly had his arms wrapped around Grim’s torso. Their faces touched, as Gnarly nuzzled their cheeks together softly. After an exchange of inhales and exhaling of the cigarette, they kissed. The spring breeze was chilly yet the sun was shining high in the sky, keeping them warm but not drowsy.

This was heaven, Grim thought. 

Gnarly’s heart was throbbing in his chest, still terrified of being seen so emotionally naked this way. 

“This is heaven,” Grim whispered, and they kissed again after Gnarly took a long drag of Grim’s cigarette.

Gnarly frowned. He held onto Grim’s torso tighter, pulling him closer into his chest, almost as if he loosened his grip even a little, Grim would fly away like a balloon.

Funny thing, balloons are, Gnarly thought. 

“I remember when we told that boy all the helium would cease to exist one day,” Gnarly thought idly, looking up at the sky with a sad nostalgic expression. How much time did they lose by being so afraid? So afraid to show their faces to the world. So scared to show the world who they loved.

They had mistakenly thought replacing fear with hatred was better. Now, they knew how to use it. And they had used it in a mangled sense, now refreshed as a whole new type of weapon. A single balloon with their anger and hatred, floating far away.

They were stuck with grief and fear, but now they could see it, really see it, and mold it into something good again.

“You’re my paradise,” Grim whispered. They laughed together as they watched the people pass by.

Gnarly’s heart was throbbing in his chest, seemingly pushing harder against his rib cage. He couldn’t stop it, especially if a towering male figure was standing nearby or walking around the area where they were sitting. It reminded Gnarly of his abusive uncle, who beat him within an inch of his life often as a teen. Grim could feel the anxious pulsing of Gnarly’s heart against his own chest.

“Don’t be afraid, my sweetness,” Grim whispered to Gnarly, making him blush.

“I’m… I’m trying. My heart is throbbing, mon petit pigeon,” Gnarly whispered.

Grim fed him a bite of a sandwich. He lit another cigarette. They both took long, indulgent drags of the lit cigarette. Grim finished the sandwich.

Grim gave Gnarly a swig of cold tea from the cooler, then drank the rest.

”I know. I can feel your heart next to me,” Grim said softly, almost as if he were apologizing for Gnarly’s unruly heart beats.

The fresh air circled around the couple, the sunlight hit the couple like a falling apple. They scratched their heads, looking up as if to see the tree and place blame on it for growing such an insolent apple.

“You okay, luv?” Gnarly asked as he saw Grim’s wincing expression, kissing Grim’s cheek.

“Your heart sounds like a beatbox,” Grim said, looking concerned.

”That is what they call a heart throb, Grim,” Gnarly replied.

“Isn’t that what the women call an attractive man? A heartthrob?” Grim joked.

Gnarly chuckled. “I don’t know.”

“You’re my heartthrob,” Grim flirted.

Gnarly’s hand lifted toward Grim’s chin, tilting his head so they could kiss properly. This time, Gnarly gave him plenty of tongue, and Grim moaned into the passionate moment.

“Let’s run away together and get hitched,” Grim said after the particularly intense and sloppy kiss.

Gnarly laughed, agreeing with a nod. His heart rate slowed down with a tiny precision, and with the casual calming presence of their love being so powerfully displayed, he felt a gush of strange warmth that made him feel gooey, full and delicate.

“You are throbbing,” Grim said to him.

”My heart?” Gnarly asked, looking a bit confused.

“My heart,” Grim answered, giving Gnarly a nuzzle cheek to cheek.

”Your heart?” Gnarly repeated.

“Yes, my love. Your heart. My heart. We’re throbbing,” Grim said softly.

They kissed softly, moving a bit under the shadow of a willow tree. The sun had moved and was shining too much on their faces, making them feel too hot. The heavy feeling of the mid-afternoon heat was weighing on them.

“Grim, uh, baby?”

Grim leaned into Gnarly’s embrace. “Yeah, my love?”

Gnarly looked at him up and down, suggestively. Grim gave him a knowing look back.

“I’m… uh… th-throbbing,” Gnarly asked him.

Grim pursed his lips, his eyes wide, “Ohhh.”

They quickly cleaned up their picnic, packed up their stuff and headed home, to their bedroom.

Throbbing, feeling everything to exhaustion, no longer falling.