They're Taking the Hobbits to Alderaan

Both Frodo and Samwise were thoroughly bound in the the prison hold of Dmitri Yuriev's space ship "The Ascalon." They had been chained with advanced, nano fortified, molecular carbon chains and there was no possibility of them breaking free. Dmitri sailed confidently through the stars towards his destination, the planet Alderaan. He was certain his plan could not fail, and he would soon be freed from his fear of "U-DO." With a dark grin of triumph, he made the preparations for the last necessary jump through hyperspace. He watched the endless vacuum of space quickly shift into the immensely vivid and profound array of colors he had seen a thousand times before as he laughed to himself, certain he could not fail.

Kylo Ren was not far behind. He was completely centered on the controls of his TIE Silencer. The abduction of the two halflings from the planet "Middle-Earth" had given him the perfect opportunity to prove himself as a Sith Lord. He had no knowledge of the fiend that had kidnapped them from their undeveloped planet, nor did he need to. Two beings from an unknown planet beyond the outer rim would make an excellent addition to the massive collection of beings in the Empire's numerous zoos. The zoo's contained beings of every kind, from every world imaginable. Kylo would be heavily rewarded in both rank and reputation. With his Sith powers, it would be easy to subdue and defeat the captor who had originally plucked them from Middle-Earth. His plan was almost certain to succeed.

Kylo didn't know it yet, but there was one man he should have taken into consideration. There was one man dreaded most by all villains of the galaxy, or any galaxy. He was even more powerful than the Jedi. The man was a renegade, a loose cannon. He was done messing around. He was kicking ass and taking numbers. He had nothing to loose. He was looking to settle scores, and this time would be personal. His name was Bronco Henry.

Frodo and Sam had given up struggling with their restraints. They had a thousand questions in their minds, but no time to ask them. They were heavily bound by some unknown material, somehow even stronger than Mythril.

"What has become of us Sam?" Frodo asked with a forlorn look in his eyes.

"We appear to be imprisoned in an evil wizards boat," Samwise replied. "I've never seen the like of it! And we appear to be sailing through the skies, beyond the clouds!"

"We are traveling through the stars Sam," Frodo replied. "That man with the ill look in his eyes must have placed us here after he shot us with that strange light emitting device. I think this is beyond the work of Sauron Sam. Something truly unusual has happened to us."

"Gandalf will save us Mr. Frodo!"

"This might be beyond the power of even the Istrai Sam."

Samwise looked terribly discouraged after that. The two hobbits could only wait for what would happen next, unsure of where they were or if anyone was coming to help them.

Bronco Henry shifted his spaceship "The Mustang" into neo-quantum, computerized, wormhole exit detection. He had found entry/ exit wormhole detection was considerably more effective than light speed travel when operating in unfamiliar galaxies. He had recently upgraded his entire system; and the quantum computerization had vastly increased his ships automatic worm hole detection. He had been hired by the Federalized Union of Galaxies (or F.U.G.) to rescue two small beings abducted from a medieval level technology planet called "Middle-earth." The short report claimed they had been abducted by a deranged madman with a complete disregard for the "planetary non-intervention act." Dmitri Yuriev was a seventeen time repeat offender.

Bronco Henry gazed down at his nano machine enabled battle hand. It was capable of forty seven different combat configurations, all accessible in under half a second. He only needed (and preferred) one: The hand to air rocket launcher. He had customized it to increase the detonation radius to 1.5 times the factory setting. He found this to give him maximum output in battle. The F.U.G. report indicated the rogue culprit "Dmitri Yuriev" was headed to the planet "Alderaan" in a galaxy called "Canes Venatici I" by it's inhabitants. Canes Venatici I was officially listed as galaxy N-NN2157 by the F.U.G. The galaxy had seen much turmoil in the last sixty years. It had wavered in rule, by outcome of massive battles, between a free republic and an oppressive empire. These struggles centered around good and evil emissaries of what the inhabitants of Canes Venatici I called "The Force."

Bronco Henry shifted out of wormhole space as his exit came into view. There was an array of kaleidoscopic colors as he did. He shifted back into "normal space." The Mustang's indestructible, non-corrosive, 600 meter frame would be unmistakable to any nearby entities. The planet Alderaan came into view; both with his eyes and on his newly upgraded video display. The planet was strikingly similar to Bronco Henry's planet "Earth," which he had left ages ago. He took a moment for peaceful remembrance and then shifted his gaze to his battle hand, quickly adjusting it for maximum battle output.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the surface of Alderaan:

It took no time at all for Dmitri to scale across the abandoned, forgotten Sith ruins and towards the dark cathedral at it's center. The primitive technology would suffice, and a temple dedicated to sacrifice is exactly what he required. Using the ancient Sith temple to sacrifice the two halflings; Dmitri would complete his plan to ascend to the Upper Domain. It had taken him seventeen years of trial and error to get to this point. Once he had become a higher dimensional being, he would no longer have to fear U-DO. He would be equal in power. After that, who knows what he could do.

The two halflings stood less than three and a half feet, and were easily transported by Dmitri's reluctant accomplice Dave Lister. Dmitri had subdued Dave when he met him by chance, midway through his plan to transcend this dimension. He found Dave wandering about the deepest reaches of the Milky Way Galaxy in a marooned human space ship called the "Red Dwarf." Dmitri had tricked and manipulated Dave into aiding his nefarious plan, with the promise of returning him to his long lost Earth. Dmitri's real plan was to either dispose of Dave after the plan was finished or completely brainwash him into being his envoy once he had ascended.

Dmitri reached the ancient Sith pedestal. It had seen tens of thousands of sacrifices over thousands of years. The entire inner temple was completely dark and wreaked heavily of evil. Dave marched quickly behind him, holding a photon light device in one hand and carrying the two bound halflings with a levitating cargo platform in the other.

"I suppose it's back to Earth after this then, aye Dmitri?" Dave asked.

"Of course Dave...," Dmitri replied with a cold and detached voice.

Sam and Frodo struggled fiercely as they were placed side by side on the sacrifice pedestal. Dmitri ordered Dave to remove the nano-fortified rope they were gagged with when leaving the Ascalon.

"Let me and Frodo go you ruffian!" Sam protested as soon as he was free to speak. "Before it's too late for you!"

Dmitri gazed emptily at Sam and said nothing in response. He pulled out his newly purchased Amazon Kindle, which he was using to keep notes on how to correctly performing the ritual.

Once the hobbits blood had spread to the ground, the ritual would begin and the Sith temple would become alive for the first time in a hundred years. The immense concentration of dark side energy would be exactly what Dmitri needed to finalize his shift to the Upper Domain. It had taken him most of his life to reach this moment. He would finally transcend U-DO and be free of the fear that consumed every corner of his soul.

"Aye Dmitri," Dave chimed in. "Wasn't Alderaan destroyed in the first movie?"

"NEVER MIND THAT!" Dmitri scolded harshly, breaking his emotionless monotone.

"Place the the halflings on the pedestal Dave," Dmitri said.

Dave Lister whistled cautiously as he placed the hobbits on the ancient pedestal.

"I don't think we are going to make it to Mordor Sam," Frodo said with a deep forlorn look in his eyes.

"Have faith Mr. Frodo," Sam replied, unsure if he could believe his own advice.

Dmitri began to speak

"Now I-

There was an extremely disruptive series of high pitched beeping noises, followed by a British telephone both from the 1950's fading in and out of view while emitting blue light. Once the box had fully materialized, two confused individuals from a different world stepped out.

"What the hell are you doing to these tiny men?" Asked Dr. Who (David Tennant version).

"They've got them wrapped up with some sort of cable," said his beautiful Companion Rose Tyler.

"Who the hell are you?" Said Dmitri, deeply frustrated.

"Who the hell are YOU?" Replied Dr. Who (David Tennant version).

"Are you from England then?!" Dave Lister exclaimed. "What are the odds!"

"NEVER MIND THAT!" Said Dmitri.

"I demand to know what you are doing to these tiny men?!" Dr. Who (David Tenant version) insisted.

"They are my sacrifices!!" Dmitri yelled in fit of agitation. "It is time for my ultimate plan to come to fru-

"Is it then!" Dr. Who (David Tennant version) interrupted.

Dr. Who (David Tennant version) shakily, but briskly pulled out his Sonic Screwdriver and proceeded to zap Dmitri Yuriev, reducing him to the fundamental particles that composed him.

Dave Lister jumped back in amazement.

"It does that!?" Rose exclaimed.

"Well...I guess that wraps that up," said Dave, watching the particles that once composed Dmitri gently float away.

"The three of you are free to go," said Dr. Who (David Tenant version).

"You wouldn't happen to be going by Earth then?" Dave asked Dr. Who (David Tenant version) and Rose.

"I don't see why not?" Said Dr. Who while looking at Rose.

Both Rose and Dave responded like excited kids on Christmas morning.

"NOT SO FAST!!!" Yelled Kylo Ren, standing atop his Tie Silencer as it shot a laser blast just above them. He had flown in through the caved in, decrepit ceiling of the temple.

"Thank you for taking care of that fool," said Kylo, tightly clenching his black gloved right hand. "I'll be taking the halflings."

"These tiny men?" Dr. Who (David Tennant version) replied. "I'm required by the code of the Time Lords to protect these innocent beings."

"I told you Mr. Frodo!" Said Sam with wide, bright eyes.

"Oh good Sam!" said Frodo.

"And," continued Dr Who (David Tennant version). "I'm not going to hand them over to some weirdo flying a primitive space--I don't even know what to call that thing--it looks like you made it at home."

"I DID!" Said Kylo. "And I'll be taking them to the Sith zoo on Athiss."

Dr. Who (David Tennant version) reached for his sonic screwdriver to deal with Kylo Ren. It was immediately knocked out of his hand by an unknown assailant, who emerged from thin air. Squall Leonhart made a narrow slice upwards with his gunblade, releasing a shot from the revolver portion, at just the right time, and blasted the Sonic Screwdriver out of Dr. Who (David Tennant versions) hand.

"Now why would you do that!?" Yelled Dr. Who (David Tennant version), his body seeming to expand with his exasperation.

Squall returned his gunblade to his side where it rested.

"I've traveled forwards in time with the power of my wife Sorceress Rinoa to protect the halflings," Squall explained. "That's what I do now."

"Well...," said Dr. Who (David Tennant version). "I guess that means we are on the same side. You didn't have to hit me in the hand with your gun...sword."

"I'm sorry, I confused you with their captor at first."

I know something of time travel myself. What is your plan then exactly?"

"I'll explain later," said Squall, looking like he had an urgent mission.

"I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!!!" Kylo Ren screamed. He released another laser blast (using Sith powers to control his ship with his mind) just above their heads.

"CHILL OUT BRO!!" Said everyone else in unison.

"What do you suggest we do, my pixelated friend?" Dr. Who (David Tennant version) asked Squall.

"I apologize," said Squall. "I'm still waiting on the HD remaster. I suggest we warp out of here by moving through time. We'll take the tiny men with us."

"Well how about that Mr. Frodo!" Said Sam.

"I feel uneasy about this spell they are about to cast," said Frodo.

"And what about me?!" Asked Dave Lister.

"You can come with us," said Squall.

"That's more like it!" Said Dave.

Kylo Ren became even more enraged.

"I'm giving you three seconds to-

Squall and Dr. Who both looked at each other and immediately confirmed what they had to do. They picked up Sam and Frodo from the sacrificial alter and carried them into Dr. Who's TARDIS like they were children. Dave and Rose followed closely behind. Kylo shot another laser blast, this time directly at them. The TARDIS had already begun to de-materialize; and the blast went straight through as the TARDIS faded out of the realm of physical matter and through the corridors to time.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, outside of Alderaan:

"I've got some bad news Bronco!" Said the representative from the F.U.G. on Bronco Henry's video screen.

"I already know what happened," Bronco said calmly with a gruff voice.

"That was crazy!" Said F.U.G. representative Cosmo Kramer, lurching at the video screen eccentrically. "I saw six organic energy signatures just de-materialize Bronco! They went beyond readings from any of our instruments! Not wormhole, not light speed not even a probability field."

"They are using time travel," said Bronco Henry.

"Time travel!" Said Cosmo Kramer. "Even the best scientists from the best galaxies are still working on it at a theoretical level!"

"Then you know very little about the universe."

"I guess not Bronco!" Said Cosmo Kramer, getting so close to his video screen you could only see his left eye.

"I am re-calculating my approach," said Bronco Henry.

"What could you possibly be doing Bronco?!"

"I am going to simultaneously trace the combined information from their energy signatures and then track them through time and space."

"That's impossible Bronco!"

"Is it?"

Cosmo Kramer watched in awe from his office desk at the F.U.G relay station near Kepler-69c; as The Mustang instantly disappeared from his video screen.

"Wa-wa-WOW!" Cosmo Kramer explained, almost falling out of his office chair.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile at The Wall:

Jon Snow found himself incredibly bored again. His exile at Castle Black consisted more of walking around than paying for his crime of assassinating Daenerys Targaryen.

"Perhaps this is my price," he worried sometimes as he paced the cold stone steps near the towering Wall. He thought about training with his sword, as he usually did. He decided he might as well sit down in the courtyard and stare up at the frozen sky. The clouds were slightly bigger this day, but smaller than the same day last week.

"For gods sake...," Jon protested.

Just when he was about to give up all hope, something completely unexpected and impossible happened. The air around him became very strange and he started to hear a series of high pitched noises he couldn't place. Suddenly a completely foreign looking, tall wooden box began to--materialize. It became completely solid after a few moments and six strangely dressed figures emerged. They all appeared to be from lands he had never seen nor heard described to him.

"What in seven hells!?" Said Jon, confounded and amazed, but also relieved something was finally happening.

"Oh, hello good sir!" Said Dr. Who (David Tennant version). "We come in peace."

Rose quaintly walked out behind the Dr. and took in the view of Castle Black and The Wall.

"Well look at this!" She said.

Squall Leonhart, Dave Lister and the hobbits emerged after her, taking in the view as well.

"Who are these tiny men?" Jon asked. "Who is this other man?Is he from Essos? Who is this golden haired maiden? And who is this man in black? He seems to be composed of some sort of jagged material. What manner of magic is this?"

"I apologize for my rendering," said Squall.

"Perhaps you could tell us where we are exactly?" Asked Dr. Who (David Tenant version).

"Who are you people?" Jon asked, fascinated. "Are you from the lands of Asshai?"

"The what?" Said Dave.

"Yes...wait, no." Said Dr. Who (David Tenant version). "We are from various...locations."

"You're from the stars!" Jon exclaimed.

Something interesting was finally happening to Jon Snow.

"He's smart," said Rose. "And handsome."

"You're some kind of traveling immortal," Jon said to Dr. Who (David Tennant version). "And that box thing is your star boat. This beauty must be your right hand woman. These two tiny men must be from a world similar to mine. This lighthearted fellow must be from very, very far away. And this jagged warrior...no offense." Jon paused.

"None taken," said Squall.

"You must be from the inside of some alternate realm where everyone looks like that."

"I'm from Playstation One," said Squall.

"Plus PS2, Ps3, Playstation Store and Steam," Dave added.

"Naturally," said Squall.

"That about sums it up," said Dr. Who (David Tenant version).

"Well," said Jon with a big smile and arms stretched out wide. "What do you need!?"

Squall and Dr. Who (David Tenant version) didn't need to exchange words to know what they needed. Their travel across time had also been one across space. They had made their calculations hastily and haphazardly. They knew neither what part of the universe, nor what time in the universe they had ended up in. The only logical thing to do next would be to piece together their location, bit by bit, based on any information they could acquire. Squall's telepathic connection with his wife, Sorceress Rinoa felt extremely weak, which implied they were a million miles from their previous location. As to what time they were in, Dr. Who (David Tenant version) had a mental map of both time and space and could begin to sequentially deduce their location like tumblers on a lock, once provided with the correct information. Unfortunately, he had forgot the mnemonic device he used to piece it all together.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, in the Milky Way Galaxy in the time of 2688 AD:

"Dude," said William "Bill" S. Preston Esquire, stepping boldly out of a phone booth and gazing up at the sky. "We have finally made it to Alan Aldareen!"

"Wait dude," replied Ted "Theodore" Logan. "Are you sure that's where we were supposed to go?"

"Yes, dude!" Said Bill." It's Alan Aldareen!"

"I think we were supposed to go to Alder-aan, dude!"

"Oh, dude!" Said Bill.

"Look around," said Ted. "Everyone on this planet looks like that actor guy from the documentaries we used to watch in school."

"You went to school?" Said Bill.

"Yes dude, we went to San Dimas High School seven hundred years ago."

"That's excellent dude!" Said Bill.

Bill and Ted both gave each other an enthusiastic high-five.

Several identical inhabitants of the 21st century Earth equivalent technology planet "Alan Aldareen" walked by Bill and Ted and made a couple of sarcastic jokes.

"This planet is weird," said Ted

"You're right Ted," said Bill. "We we're supposed to go to Alderaan, not Alan Aldareen. No doy!"

"Let's book it then!" said Bill.

The two time travelers made their way back to the 1980's Earth phone booth they used to travel through time.

"Do you think anyone else has a time machine like this, dude?" Bill asked Ted.

"No way man, what would be the odds of that," said Ted. "No way."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, on the edge of Canes Venatici I:

Kylo Ren spent the entirety of his trip away from Alderaan in a fit of rage and malice. He was so certain that the halflings were in his possession, and having them slip out of his hands by six unknown assailants only compounded his rage. He was about to destroy a small, passing comet with his Sith powers (to soothe himself) when the video screen of his Tie Silencer turned on. It was the being known a "Q" who had commissioned him to find the halflings in the first place.

"Hello Kylo," Q said calmly.

Q was dressed in black garments with a strange black hat, covered in a large red robe, and was adorned with a giant golden chain.

"Hello Q," said Kylo.

"You've failed me Kylo."

"How could you possibly know that already."

"My powers far exceed those of the Sith warlords of your galaxy you so naively idolize."

"What do you want? Is all this space travel really worth two child-men?"

"I'll tell you the truth Kylo," said Q, posturing himself at his video screen. His location was completely unknown and mysterious. "The story about the Sith zoo was a cover. I have no interest in them, nor do I have anything to do with your Sith."

"I was beginning to realize that," said Kylo. "What do you want from me?"

"I will provide you with a considerable wealth of what's known as 'Kyber Crystals' in Canes Venatici I if you continue to do as I say."

"I'm listening," Said Kylo, already imagining the praise he would receive form the newly cloned Emperor Palpatine if he had such a rare thing in mass quantities.

"The location of the hobbits--that's what they are called on their word--has shifted millions of miles form the previous location, and also jumped ahead a thousand years. They are still in the same galaxy."

"Great...," said Kylo sarcastically.

"I can get you there-

"That's impossible."

"No it's not," said Q, getting closer to his end of the video call. "There is technology far beyond what you know in this universe."

"Maybe the power of the gods," said Kylo. "But I doubt you can do that."

Q looked like a nerve had been hit, and then repressed his frustration.

"Long ago, billions of years ago actually," said Q, sighing. "A race of beings beyond our imagination colonized much of the known universe...perhaps the multi-verse. The immense system of multi-wormhole jumps they mapped from galaxy to galaxy is still running in perfect condition. You can go anywhere in the universe, and forwards or backwards in time. Only the most powerful and knowledgeable beings in the universe know this. The hobbits are on another medieval level technology planet. They are still in what is referred to as the 'Andromeda Galaxy' based on Earth standards, 'Galaxy N-NN2157' by the F.U.G, or 'Canes Venatici I' as your people call it. They are all the same galaxy, but at different times."

"How educational," said Kylo.

"I am going to warp you to the edge of the star system that contains the planet they are on. They are on a continent called "Westeros." You will be able to track their combined unique energy signatures to find their exact location.

"What do you want them for?"

"I'm not going to tell you. Do you want the Kyber Crystals or not?"

"Alright."

"I have made other arrangements that should make it easy to deal with those six mysterious assailants."

"Who WERE the assailants?"

"I don't know...but no matter. There is only one person who could stop this plan. The only being in the universe I dread. He is a man with nothing to loose, he's back...with vengeance, he's not taking prisoners...nor is he messing around, and this time...I believe...it's personal. He's kicking ass and taking numbers. He cannot be stopped. He comes in on the King Tide.

"For gods sake, who is he!?" Said Kylo.

"Bronco Henry," Q spoke with dread. "God help you if he is involved."